I am reading a book on Buddhism that has touched me so. The kind of life you have is a result of your breath. I am utterly moved, yet I will rate it just 2 on Goodreads.
Today, I shouted at Ma and pa for not keeping lunch for me. I am so selfish.
It is a result of my unhappiness over Ma and Pa dictating my life.
However, I love them. I love them so. And I'm very sorry.
I haven't chanted in months and after writing this I will.
As I think about my wishes I know that there is a desire in me to be super rich and super famous through the Arts. But what will I do in case this wish is fulfilled. I will dedicate my life in service of humanity.
The moment is now. Why think of tomorrow. This moment and every moment is a service to humanity. Not lip service. But service.
I must learn to give more freely. I must learn to forgive. I must seek to understand. I must seek to accommodate and harmonise.
Melon is sitting here in my room as I write this. Life is ephemeral. I wish deeply to make Ma and Baba super proud.
I recently finished reading Michelle Obama's autobiography and my love for her husband and her family only grows deeper. Is there a truth to our imaginings? The greats say there is. Of late I have got quite a control over my mind that used to gallop. However, I have been feeling angry, upset and irritable. I must conquer these emotions. I must. I must contribute to my family's happiness. For that I must become happy myself. Lately, I have experienced that joy is in striving, persevearing and dreaming but it is also in letting go, acceptance and stillness. May be more so. Because as the Dalai Lama says: "Sometimes not getting what you wished for is a wonderful stroke of luck." Having said that I start a new job somewhere. I don't know where. Happiness is in action. Not in an idle mind.
Always whether it's breath control, yoga or hard work I vow to give each thing I do my fullest. I seek to conquer my anger. I seek to be the kindest, wisest, bravest, richest and happiest person in the whole world.
Of late my faith in God has also deepened. Not chanting has given me time to think of other things. Maker? Creator? I think the meaning of God is more akin to Universal Life Force. God is one. We are one. We are all there is. To perseveare and to accept. To take action and to be still. Two sides of the same coin. As within so without. What is in is also out. It's One. We are One.
Now I'll study the Gosho after a long time and chant for half an hour. May I give up smoking.
Love,
Doel
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