Journal 9.24 pm 1.7.2026 I quit smoking

Dear Journal,

It's been over 3 hours and I havent smoked a cigarette. I went to meet SeeDhi and didnt smoke before or after. In fact, I had a pani puri and doodh roti.

I hope I can keep up the momentum. Im determined to. I think I'll have a cola now and call it a night.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love, 

Me.

9.28 pm

Journal 1.58 pm on 1.7.2026 an anxious feeling

Dear Journal,

Ma's birthday is 2 weeks away!

Last evening I sat and chanted with Ma and Pa for about 40 minutes and as I was chanting all my misdeeds caught up with me and I was overpowered with guilt and the fear of losing my parents.

All of a sudden I felt that a higher power is trying to connect with me and I got so scared about losing my mind again that I told Pa how I was feeling and completely broke down.

I messaged NiJa and today in the morning I messaged Dhawale and also Arun (just to talk to him).

In the morning I woke up from a dream that I dont remember. I felt a kind of sexual urge and felt so depressed because of that because there is nobody to love at the moment.

I lay down eyes shut and decided to bunk work. DeJh messaged that I should really make more money. I dont know why he bothers so much about me.

I'm feeling much better now. I think I'll start a five to six minute gratitude practice in the morning.

I'll eat my lunch now and sit in gratitude and chant for a bit. It never comes about that a prayer to the Lotus Sutra goes unanswered! That is what they say.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Gloomy from this gloomy rainy weather

Sweet

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

2.07 pm

Journal 7.13 pm 30.6.2026 a better day

Dear Journal,

I woke up all restless from a dream I had in the morning but I don't remember the dream. There was a sort of heartache, a heaviness in the chest.

I chanted, meditated, did a few asanas and then made myself breakfast.

I went to pray at the Jain Temple. That considerably altered my mood.

I got a place to sit in the bus and was in office soon. It's rained all day.

Work was much better than Saturday. If not anything this job has taught me to be methodical and has put me back in the groove to work. I look forward to the future with hope.

I spoke to DeJh on the phone today and generally did my work. Working from 11 to 6 non-stop is no mean feat.

I think I'll go to the temple now and pray.  Then chant and sleep.

Love,

Me.

7.18 pm

I am feeling:

Happy 

All day long my heart was filled with love. It's feeling more sedate now.

Wet 

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

7.19 pm

Journal 9.51 am 30.6.2026 anxiety

Dear Journal,

Last night my ears rang so. I was feeling so anxious and taken over by my circumstances that I went to sleep early.

I woke up around 8 today feeling restless. I chanted for just five minutes, did 7 minutes of belly breathing and two yogasanas.

I hope to have a good day today. I went to the Jain temple to pray though.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

Not anxious at the moment.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.54 am

Ps: These days of strife wont continue for much longer. I know that. It's so good going and praying at the Jain temple.

Journal 8.38 pm on 29.6.2026 a day of missing

Dear Journal,

Today was a day of missing A inordinately. I gave him a call and he called back. And we spoke for barely a minute!

I just got relieved from my wd meeting. DeePan spoke about The Power of One. How one person's determination can alter the destiny of many.

When I spoke about struggling at work Kamini told me to be resolute in my prayers and to not give up on praying on even a single prayer.

I think I'll study a bit now and then sleep.

Writing letters to myself really helped today.

I feel my ears ringing from all the noise outside. 

Today I got a call from a coaching institute to train their students in English. I have to be well-prepared for it. Grateful for every opportunity I get. Even the one with AfShe. I'm learning so much!

Nothing is super enthralling. Life is moving on.

Today DeJh wanted to come home after 7 but I was in my meeting. I'm so happy I attended the wd meeting.

DiPan has been struggling with ill health. PSha came. Suma was there. It was all so wonderful.

I am feeling:

Awakened

Alert

Bright

A little deadpan

Now I'll chant and study.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

8.46 pm

A letter to my 30-year-old self 6.36 pm 29.6.2026

Dear Dodoburi,

Look how far you've come! You just quit Dna which was the most rewarding experience of your life. You dated G over there who you thought you were in love with. But you would just not make do with him today. So whatever happens happens for the best.

Even though you lost Arun years later the period was the most memorable of your life!

I'm sorry I put you in a spiral of cigarettes, sex, drugs and alcohol.

Youve been sober from alcohol for about 2 months now. You havent smoked a cigarette in over two hours!

Hold on! Youve kicked the butt!

The cigarettes caused your imagination to go beserk!

I'm sorry you had meltdowns on social media and suffered from delusions and hallucinations?

What can I do to ease the pain? One is that I can take the pills for the rest of my life and I can be sober.

Sobriety is the aim!

Love,

Me.

6.43 pm

A letter to my future self (10 years from now) 29.6.2026 6.00 pm

Dear future self,

I see that the struggles are behind you. You have woken up to your mission to serve humanity through your words. And my my! The accolades it has brought you are enormous and fitting of prestige.

I see that you have become a woman of your word and that you service all with unflinching kindness and compassion. You have acting accolades under your belt; your books sell like hot cakes and you've become popular with the masses!

Are Mom and Pop still around? Are you still in touch with Arun? How are you doing?

Today on the 29th of June 2026 I woke up with heartburn and a feeling of deep immense love. Do you still feel such deep love in your heart?

Today I woke up with the fear of unsafeness and insecurity. But then I thought about you and it eased my fears!

Write. Write to save yourself!

The job you have with AfShe that youll leave in the next 12 days has taught you patience. The job with Metamorphose that is coming up will be satisfying. 

Everything teaches us a lesson.

Loving Arun on the bright side taught you how deep your love can go and on the hindsight it taught you that you are responsible for your physical and mental well-being.

You still chant, don't you?

There is a wd meeting in the house at 7.

I think I'll sit and work on my book after this. It should be good.

I know your health is sparkly bright and that you have found love. And that makes me so happy for you!

CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS AND SUCCESSES! Life is beautiful with total gratitude for Ma, Pa and Buo.

Love,

Self of 29th June 2026. 6.10 pm