Journal 3.26 pm on 22.8.2026 I really should stop talking

Dear Journal,

Ma has been fighting with me since yesterday and telling me that I'm getting too angry. But why is she so angry? Why is she so confrontational?

I'm feeling so sad. Arun didnt call me up. Why does he ignore me like this?

I called him at a reasonable hour yesterday. I didn't expect him to be sleeping.

I need to prepare for Monday's lecture. DiPan came home and she bought me the eg book after that. I have to pay her.

I wish I wasn't so alone. There is noone for me to talk to. 

Arun is so handsome. His photographs are sho cute. He is so charming. My charming ex-boyfriend who I'm finding hard to let go off.

I know that he has been with other girls. And I wonder if he is so bugged with me that he doesnt call or message.

I'm feeling really sad Journal. Really very sad. I dont want any other guy. Arun is perfect for me. I just want him.

I know if I call him up he will just break out into rage and fury. Because he doesnt want to talk to me.

Why do people have extramarital affairs these days? Why have relationships become so frivolous?

It's exactly 3.33. I havent eaten lunch yet.

I wish I could meet someone just each day. That would be the end of this lonely feeling.

I'm so grateful that DiPan came home.

I don't want to be slutty. And I want a guy who appreiciates the fact that I'm such a good girl.

I want a guy who feels that I'm such a good girl.

I could keep writing because there is not much else to do but prepare for my lectures.

I want Arun in my life. Why am I finding it so difficult to get over him? It's exactly 3.39.

I'm feeling so sexually aroused. Oh so sexual. Sexual towards Arun.

I am feeling:

Lonely

Sexually aroused

Slightly sad

Teary eyed

I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

3.42 pm

In the last three years

In the last three years

Youve gone to three

Different galaxies

With three different girls

And not one of them

But may be one

You thought

Was sweeter

Than a pearl. 

It's been a while

Since youve seen me

And you really feel ashamed

That on many different damsels

Your sustenance became rare. 

What do you want to discuss?

What do you want to say?

Do you really want to paint the town red?

This town we call Bombay.

Distances

The distances abound

Now that I am sound

And I remember the day

You discarded me by the bay

And now you want an entry

So let's ask the gentry

What I should really do

When there is so much distance

Between me and you.

Right now there is nothing

Except for some starry bling

But sweet words you want to expound

Now that I am sound.

space travel

You take me on a space trip, 

A really marvellous sojourn

And you have decided to keep me company

Whether we crash or burn.

The sustenance is not even a bite

But I'm glad I have you by my side;

It's really something when two hearts meet

As spacy distances show what you need.

I feel like entering one of the galaxies

And earn the bread and butter and have us feed.

Journal 10.04 am on 22.8.2026 a dream of space travel

Dear Journal, 

I had a dream that someone I know (could be Nai, could be Arun) is a space traveller and has travelled to three different galaxies in the last three years.

That person takes me to space and we see a giant empty tiffin box there. Then I woke up.

I woke up feeling Nai was so handsome.

About Arun-- I really shouldnt call him up so much. It's just that I feel so alone that I want to keep in touch with him. And then, of course, there are the feelings.

It's been a while since we broke up.

I am feeling:

Happy

Stable. It's exactly 10.10.

I think I'll take the mat down and chant. Or I'll chant here at home.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love, 

Me.

10.12 am

Ps: I went down to buy cigarettes. Everytime I get out the rich poor divide stares at me in the face. I bumped into RaTi downstairs.

10.42 am

Journal 11.49 pm on 21.8.2026 sexual urge

Dear Journal, 

The sexual urge is a human need and for the first time I'm so alone that I notice it. It's distracting,  it's overbearing and overwhelming. And the only person I think about when I feel sexual is Arun.

I called him today. He said he was sleeping. He doesn't check his messages for dozens of hours altogether.

And may be he doesn't feel so exclusively about me because he doesn't call, doesnt message, doesnt reply to messages.

There has to be a good logical conclusion to my urge. I am not going to masturbate.

I wish I had someone to talk to about this.

Love,

Me.

11.54 pm

Journal 7.05 pm on 21.8.2026 DeJh has stopped messaging/calling

Dear Journal,

The whole day has whooshed by and Arun is on my mind. He doesnt call me up, he doesnt message back. How do I move on?

If I stop messaging or calling him I'll experience a lot of pain. He didnt wish me on my birthday this year. I'll never forget that. I'll never forget that he went out with another girl on his 2024 birthday and lied to me.

I'll never forget how he broke and shattered my heart to pieces many many times.

I'll never forget how he doesn't message or call and just ignores me.

Why am I feeling such a surge of love for him? What has shifted? What has changed?

On the other hand I told DeJh the last time we spoke that he makes me really uncomfortable with his affections. And he has stopped calling and messaging. And I'm so relieved. Phew!

There is this other guy who I read Tarot cards for once who keeps calling and messaging asking to meet. I think he's a cop or something if I'm not mistaken. His attention is not welcome too.

Should I make the painful attempt to get over Arun? He is sure making that attempt!

Should I not call him or message him.

What should I do?

I am feeling:

So deeply in love with Arun

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love,

Me.

7.16 pm