Journal 7.06 pm 28.6.2026 patience

Dear Journal,

I can't wait for the day when I stop working for AfShe!

Today I woke up around 7.38. As I'm doing my counselling work each day I think of Dr Nagvekar's assistant and how beautifully and methodically she does her work. May be that is why I saw a dream that I'm about to get an eye surgery from Dr Nagvekar on my left lazy eye.

I woke up and chanted and meditated. Then my student was supposed to come so I waited. He came early.

I tried to curate an engaging class for him last night. He said he enjoyed the class. However, he kept sending me banal messages after.

After the class it was time for lunch.

I had neem begun, chorchori, bhindi fry, dal with rice-- a nice vegetarian meal.

After lunch Ma and I chanted for about half an hour. Ma guided me on how exactly Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo is supposed to be chanted.

Then I job-hunted for a bit. Looking for writing work is truly stressful these days. Jobs are so few and far between!

I then met Twi around 5.40 and we walked for about half an hour. At her behest I downloaded my kundli and put it up for analysis on chat gpt. According to my kundli I'm not supposed to have a linear career path and September is a good time for me to get a job! I really want a writing job.

I think now I'll review a James Allen book on Medium.

I'll chant for about half an hour then I'll do that.

I am feeling:

Happy

Missing Arun mildly (all the conversations)

Loving

Sweaty from my walk

Sweet

Bright

Alert

A slight heaviness of heart

Hopeful

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for relationships of mutual trust and respect.

I am grateful for money, shelter and work.

I am grateful that I write.

I spoke to DeJh for a bit today.

Love,

Me.

7.19 pm

Journal 7.58 am 28 6.2026 dream of surgery

Dear Journal,

I had a dream that my left eye was lazy and that Dr Nagvekar has another place for surgeries. I then am going to the surgery place in my dream. Then I woke up. 

What does this mean?

Love,

Me.

8.00 am

Journal 27.6.2026 9.25 pm I had a hectic day

Dear Journal,

Firstly let me get to the point. I had a gruelling day when insults were rained down upon me. It was a pretty hectic day.

I woke up around 8 am. I did my chanting, meditation and yoga. Then I rushed to work with a heavy heart. I didnt really want to go to work on a glorious Saturday. I think I'll bunk next Saturday.

AfShe was downright insulting. And there is no one else to talk to. He hasnt even given me a contract! He said it doesnt seem I've worked before. I was so frustrated by this repartee that I boiled over.

I left work early at 5.30. I bumped into A Alam at Andheri Station and he dropped me home. Then I made him an omelette and tea. We played a little Tarot putting a pleasant spin to my evening.

Then I bathed. Im wearing Buro's Tshirt with my chocolate brown palazzos.

When will my hardships get over?

I spent some time with Twi in the evening-- a good half an hour. We discussed movies, work, insults at work, how we didn't get married. It was fun!

Then I came home and chanted with Ma for fifteen minutes.

Now I'll chant a bit more and prepare for tomorrow's lecture.

As I was chanting I thought to myself that I have had worse days at work. This is not my worst day. I've been brought to tears. I've been abused and insulted.

AfShe said payment will come on the tenth. So I'll have to work till then to collect my payment then it's tata bye bye to AfShe.

I hope tomorrow's student agrees to classes only on Sundays till the 12th till when I'll have to hold this job.

I've had a mixed day.

I am feeling:

Heart heavy

Happy

Slightly depressed (the way you feel when you've been unjustly insulted)

Bright

Alert

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for my work and money and food and shelter.

I am grateful that better things are going to be asked of me in the future.

I am grateful that I have understanding parents. Ma said I shouldnt accept insults.

I am grateful for Melon and Kittoo who are at home.

I am grateful for loving relationships of mutual trust and mutual respect.

I am grateful for this journal.

Love,

Me.

9.41 pm

Ps: now ill chant and prepare for tomorrow's lecture and go to sleep.

Journal 8.40 pm 26.6.2026 nothing lasts forever

Dear Journal,

The phone has all of a sudden recitified itself. In the final innings there is no one but yourself to contend with. Look at my situation with Arun-- we barely talk! When I was with him I used to feel it will never get over. And now look where we are!

People enter our lives for a purpose-- to help us grow and help us face ourselves better.

I woke up in the morning around 8. I had a cigarette and chanted and meditated and did some yoga. The anxiety from not having my phone had eased.

Then I made my way to the bus stop. After a short wait a jam-packed 221 arrived.

Work was decent. As usual AfShe was a little irritable. I have had two leads convert this week and the weekend is packed with demo sessions. A part of me doesnt want to leave this job. Another part wants to help go it alone. I have a private student on Sunday. Hope that session goes well! I ate a chinese manchurian at the station.

I left work a little late. I got a nearly empty 221 and was on my way home.

When I got home Ma told me that she was at Raju aunty's place which is very close to my workplace. Well I missed her even though she tried calling me up. I couldnt hear a word on whatsapp call.

DeJh told me that he will give me his old phone. But now my phone is working as if nothing went wrong.

I had fish curry rice when I got home and a little while later DiPan came home. She has been battling many challenges related to her health. She seemed understanding of my mental health situation.

I missed talking to Twi today.

Now I'll chant for another 15 minutes and check my mail. I havent written much of my novel this week. The coming week should be better.

I am feeling:

Happy

Stable

Full of love

Sweet

Clean from my headwash

Happy to have spent some time with DiPan

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for the good fortune and good luck in my life.

I am grateful for food, shelter and money.

I am grateful for the internet, my phone, my laptop.

I am grateful for the loving relationships in my life of mutual trust and understanding.

I am grateful for clothes. Today I wore my blue and white Cottonworld Kurta with denims.

I am grateful for the fantastic job coming my way.

Love,

Me.

8.57 pm

Journal 9 pm 25.6.2026 to feeling better tomorrow!

 Dear Journal,

I can't find my phone. I have mostly left it at the institute. Hopefully I'll get it back tomorrow. I'm feeeling a mild panic attack oweing to that.

Today in the morning I woke up from a dream that the stick I use to clean my ears with had broken. I woke up to find the stick intact.

I did my usual chanting, meditation, yoga today and left for work. AfShe was irritable today.

I just wish I could do something to ease the anxiety. I spent some time with Twi today. We were generally gossipping.

I'll chant now, eat my dinner and head to bed. To a day of feeling better tomorrow!

I am feeling:

Mildly anxious

Happy

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9 pm

Journal 7.23 pm 24.6.2026 a dream of Arun

Dear Journal,

I had a dream early in the morning that Arun is faced with poverty. That got me really worried. I woke up at 8.30.

I had a cigarette and then settled to chant and pray for him. I did my meditation for 9 minutes and a few yogasanas. Then of course I asked ChatGpt what the dream could mean.

ChatGpt said that the dream means that I feel Arun is lacking in something and not necessarily that he is faced with challenging times.

Despite that all through the day I wondered how Arun is.

Work was good. I need to convert some calls. I don't know why that is not happening.  I need to be more persuasive.

Then after lunch I messaged Arun. He said he is fine and is in Delhi. That eased my mind somewhat.

I left work at 6.

It rained all night but it didn't rain all day today even though it was cloudy and cool.

Now I'll sit and chant and then spend time checking my emails and write my novel.

There is less fatigue after work now because the weather is supportive.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Stable

Full of love

Sweet

Clean after my bath

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

7.31 pm

Journal 8.57 pm on 23.6 2026 a one on one with SeeDhi

Dear Journal,

I woke up around 8. I saw a dream where many luxury cars were parked in line and I think Buro was talking to me. I woke up rather late.

I dillydallied a bit. It was raining!

I then did my chanting, meditation and a few asanas. I didnt pack lunch today because DuMa hadnt come for three days.

Then I wore my mauve FabIndia dress and headed out. I got a 221 easily with place to sit. There was a rude lady on the bus who I came face to face with in an argument. But I decided to keep silent. No point spoiling one's mood early in the morning.

Anyway Ma is always cortisol-driven angsty in the morning.

I reached work around 11.15. I worked non-stop till about 5 with a half an hour break in between. I left after 5.30 but AfShe was adamant that I stick around till 6. I will from tomorrow. I generally avoid confrontations.  Confrontations are not cool.

I came home all hot and sticky.

I had chorchori, fish curry and badiyan ki sabzi for drunch. (Early dinner).

Then i washed my face and applied a little moisturiser, kajal and lipstick and stepped out to meet SeeDhi.

It was so good seeing her after a long time! We spoke for almost an hour. I felt rejuvenated talking to her. She takes a purposefully pessimistic view of life. She told me that me and her have nobody to look after us! Id rather not be so negative. However, she was bright and chirpy and was looking good.

She has had all her facial moles removed and is looking so much younger.

Frankly, I'm feeling much better than same time yesterday.

Im back home now. I had a warm bath. Now I'll chant a bit and sit on my laptop for about an hour. I'm sure I'll sleep peacefully today.

Me and SeeDhi discussed Malvika. SeeDhi told me about Malvika's issues. People have so many problems! I must transform my financial karma.

SeeDhi also told me that I should find someone.

A job that pays a little is still better than having no job at all. So Im really grateful for work!

I am feeling:

Slightly tired

Happy

Loving

Peaceful

Bright and alert

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.13 pm