Journal 8.57 pm on 23.6 2026 a one on one with SeeDhi

Dear Journal,

I woke up around 8. I saw a dream where many luxury cars were parked in line and I think Buro was talking to me. I woke up rather late.

I dillydallied a bit. It was raining!

I then did my chanting, meditation and a few asanas. I didnt pack lunch today because DuMa hadnt come for three days.

Then I wore my mauve FabIndia dress and headed out. I got a 221 easily with place to sit. There was a rude lady on the bus who I came face to face with in an argument. But I decided to keep silent. No point spoiling one's mood early in the morning.

Anyway Ma is always cortisol-driven angsty in the morning.

I reached work around 11.15. I worked non-stop till about 5 with a half an hour break in between. I left after 5.30 but AfShe was adamant that I stick around till 6. I will from tomorrow. I generally avoid confrontations.  Confrontations are not cool.

I came home all hot and sticky.

I had chorchori, fish curry and badiyan ki sabzi for drunch. (Early dinner).

Then i washed my face and applied a little moisturiser, kajal and lipstick and stepped out to meet SeeDhi.

It was so good seeing her after a long time! We spoke for almost an hour. I felt rejuvenated talking to her. She takes a purposefully pessimistic view of life. She told me that me and her have nobody to look after us! Id rather not be so negative. However, she was bright and chirpy and was looking good.

She has had all her facial moles removed and is looking so much younger.

Frankly, I'm feeling much better than same time yesterday.

Im back home now. I had a warm bath. Now I'll chant a bit and sit on my laptop for about an hour. I'm sure I'll sleep peacefully today.

Me and SeeDhi discussed Malvika. SeeDhi told me about Malvika's issues. People have so many problems! I must transform my financial karma.

SeeDhi also told me that I should find someone.

A job that pays a little is still better than having no job at all. So Im really grateful for work!

I am feeling:

Slightly tired

Happy

Loving

Peaceful

Bright and alert

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.13 pm

Journal 8.52 pm 22.6.2026 this is how it always starts these days

Dear Journal,

So I woke up rather late today and on a whim bunked work because I was running late.

I chanted, meditated, did a few asanas and then I settled into job hunting.

Then I lay down after lunch and almost fell asleep.

Then I decided to listen to some music to feel good. I wasnt feeling too good. I switched on some Enya. I shifted the playlist after that to Pink Floyd's High Hopes. And that song triggered it.

This feeling that God is communicating with me. And that is the beginning of all the madness for me these days. Why do I feel this way sometimes?

We had a nice Wd meeting at home which I attended. And Im feeling sombre.

Love,

Me.

Journal 5.37 pm 21.6.2026 slept all day

Dear Journal,

I literally slept all day.

Last night I chanted for about half an hour with a break with my new prayer beads.

I woke up around 9.15. I chanted and meditated, had a bath and fell right off to sleep.

I woke up for lunch. I had chicken keema with rice, curd and a mango.

I then dosed off. Twi said she doesnt want to go for the show. So here I am with myself.

There was a mild missing of Arun.

I made tea for Ma and me. I'll chant now and check some mails.

I am feeling:

Sleepy

Happy

Hopeful

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

5 42 pm

Ps: I chanted for over 30 minutes and I feel good. It's good to be able to sleep all day. I even went and took a walk.

I am grateful for my beautiful home with its wonderful amenities, for the abundance of good fortune and good luck, for the abundance of money and food in my life.

I am grateful for all my possessions.

I am grateful for all the lovely relationships in my life.

Love,

Me.

8.09 pm

Journal 9.20 pm 20.6.2026 a mild panic attack

Dear Journal,

It all started with last night's dream staying on my mind and thoughts of missing Arun and the state of my life right now and here I am feeling a sense of panic.

DeJh was supposed to meet me at 3.30 but he comfortably arrived at 6.30. We went to the beach and had a cup of coffee each.

It must be that and the heat that has left me feeling thus.

I slept till 10 am today. I did a little bit of yoga, chanted and meditated. Then I simply relaxed.

I spent time listening to music. The new Enigma albums are simply too good. I watched videos especially by Deepak Chopra.

DeJh told me that he doesnt believe in manifestation. I do. Not as in manifestation works but as in what you expect you get.

Im feeling a little panicky about the future. The coffee wont let me sleep.

Ive had a few cigarettes. Wont smoke more.

I met Twi downstairs. She was her sedate self.

I also bumped into Suma who gave me my prayer beads. I'll chant now and try and get some sleep.

I am feeling:

Happy

Missing Arun

Slightly panicky 

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.27 pm

Journal 11.24 am 20.6.2026 dreams

Dear Journal,

I was so tired yesterday that I fell asleep at 8 and woke up at 10 in the morning today.

Last night around 10 pm I had a dream that Nai and I were flying high up in the sky. He was trying to land himself but it was misplaced. I told him that humanbeings fly on electromagnetic waves but what that is originally called I dont know.

Then we land in a park and Nai transforms into Pa. Mamata Banerjee is handing out two notebooks each to people. It was a good dream. Then I woke up to take my medicines.

In the morning I had a dream that I dial RaTi's number by mistake and he picks up and talks to me.

I woke up around 10 today. It's 11.28 at the moment. DeJh said he'll come home. I even spoke to Twi. It should be a good day.

Love,

Me.

11.28 am

Journal 7.22 pm 19.6.2026 a dream of Blinkit delivery boys

Dear Journal,

I am feeling much better compared to yesterday. Less fagged out but I sure am tired.

I woke up around 7.57. I had a dream of Blinkit delivery boys sitting in a row. One of them got up to talk to me. Then I woke up.

There is a bus strike today. I waited for the bus for almost 40 minutes. I walked up to the Metro after my long wait. Then I got lost at Andheri station and walked in the hot sun. I was late by about half an hour for work.

In the morning I just chanted, meditated and did my eye exercises, sarvangasna and halasana.

I was so tired by the time I got to work.

I had a student. She was late by half an hour. Then she left the lesson midway because she said her mother was furious at her about something.

Work was more relaxed. AfShe actually lightly bantered today and was in a good mood. I did calls till about 5.05, had two colas, a few beedis and took the Metro back home.

I came home so tired. Ma is feeling weak and is running a fever. She also has a stomach ache. I rubbed her belly for some time. I noticed her sweet Dimma-like acheels.

I had fish curry rice and a mango after getting back from work.

I think I'll put my novel on a drive so that I can work on it on the go on my phone.

I got a mail for an assessment to be given soon but I can't reasonably give it now. I'll  give it on Monday.

I rested for about 20 minutes and here I am writing this. I'll chant and talk to Twi then I'll call it a day.

I am feeling:

Slightly Breathless 

Happy

Pretty

Loving

Kind

In a good mood

Clean

The rains are playing truant. It is so hot.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, mercy and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

7.34 pm

Journal 9.48 pm 18.6.2026 a stand up comedy

Dear Journal,

I woke up at 6.51 today but did not chant till 7.30. Instead I spent some time with Ma in the morning. Then, of course, I chanted, meditated and did yoga.

I wore my cotton world sky blue and yellow striped kurta with denims. I had a super boring day at work. Work was so slow and there was so much work! I have a class tomorrow.

I came home so tired and edgy. AfShe doesnt talk that much. And he barely smiles and I've never heard him laugh. So boring.

I came home and had fish curry rice and bathed. Then me and Ma went for a stand up comic show. The show went on for an hour and a half. The first few acts were very boring and full of sex jokes but the ending acts were amazing! The last guy was kind of bald and kind of cute.

I taught Madhu how to clean my room today. She even made the bed so well that I feel like lying down and relaxing.

Now i'll chant and eat dinner and then go to sleep.

It's 9.55.

I am feeling:

Happy but slightly heart heavy

Clean from my bath

I'm wearing my new red dress.

Pretty

Ma bought litchis on the way back home.

When will my kadka days get over?

I had such a headache today from the boredom it wasn't even funny.

A guy kind of started talking to me in the bus. He wanted my number. I somehow turned him away.

I've had 3 colas today.

A good laugh is a mood uplifter!

That reminds me I can start doing my laughter exercises again. May be that will uplift my mood.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for the show I went for with Ma today. I had a good laugh towards the end.

I am grateful for food, shelter, work and money. 

I am grateful for clothes and my bath.

I am grateful for friends and family and relationships of mutual love, trust and respect.

I am grateful for the internet. It's 10 exactly now.

I am grateful for my phone and laptop.

I am grateful I have a job. Lowpaying but nevertheless it's there.

I spoke to DeJh today.

Love,

Me.

10.03 pm

Ps: last night i saw a dream where Arun is talking to me then I kiss him on his cheek... then i woke up.

10.51 pm