Dear Journal,
I came back rather late from class to find that my room has been turned upside down by Ma. I got furious. Why doesnt she respect my space and my peace?
She is so shongshari, stuck in a rut about her flaws. She doesnt want to be a better person. She doesnt want to grow.
Arun is exactly like that. He keeps defending his insulting behaviour. He doesnt want to grow. He doesnt want to be a better person.
And he didnt call me today. That's an insult in itself. He wants to walk away from me, Ill let him.
Im feeling so irritated with Ma. She is constantly complaining. And she is constantly angry. I really pity her.
Arman's video will premier in about an hour. I'll watch that and go to sleep.
Ma and Arun dont care a damn about being more enlightened and that angers me and irritates me.
I had a great evening with my students. They are all such a jolly bunch.
Why am I irritated? Because my parents show no faith in me. In fact they keep complaining about me to each other and Buro.
I really dont want to be so alone.
I am feeling:
Angry
Sad
Irritated
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
11.32 pm
Ps: These days when I get an unpleasant feeling I face it without trying to be more positive. I don't ignore my unhappy feelings.
I'm feeling so irritated and so angry about how my family treats me.
Noone talks to anyone in this house. And Ma is just trying to live her samsara and stepping onto everybody's toes with her anger. I hate this intrusive controlling side of her. She is not my friend. She is pure unpleasant. I hate this side of her. I wish she knew what a chill pill meant.
11.41 pm
Ps2: I think I'll change my prayers and really attempt to detach from Arun. He is not ready to meet me even a few steps.
Frankly, i'm feeling so angry with Ma. She doesnt show any respect for my boundaries. She is uncouth and disrespectful. Not once did she tell me that she was going to clean my room. She plays favourites, and is judgmental and aggressive.
12.11 am
