Journal 10.57 pm on 16.8.2026 Buos house

Dear Journal,

Me and Ma went to Buo's house today to take care of the dog and the cat. Then Sadhya came home.

I was telling Ma and Sadhya about how I'm feeling so lonely and about my interaction with RaTi yesterday. 

The truth is that I miss Arun. He really understood me.

Except Shakespeare all my lesson plans are prepared for tomorrow. I'll plan shakespeare tomorrow.

I am feeling:

Happy

Bright and alert after 5 cloud 9s

Loving towards Arun

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love,

Me.

11.03 pm

Journal 2.12 pm on 16.8.2026

Dear Journal,

I woke up close to 10 from a dream I dont remember. I think I saw Arun in my dream.

Then I had an insatiable desire to hear his voice. So I left him messages. And then I called him up because he didnt check those messages.

He is shoo cute, shoo shweet, such a good boy... I love him.

I need to prepare for tomorrow's class.

Idling around just wont do.

I had contained smoking quite a bit and again I'm smoking tons of cigarettes.

DeJh left me some messages on active imagination. I don't quite trust him.

Also, RaTi called but I didnt take his call. I let it remain missed.

I'm really missing Arun a lot these days.

I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.

I am feeling:

Heart full of love

Love,

Me.

2.18 pm

Journal 9.40 pm on 15.8.2026 a record number of entries

Dear Journal, 

Today Ive probably filled you with the maximum entries.

I'm feeling so alone and so empty. I have nobody to talk to. I don't want to talk to DeJh because he is too affectionate. RaTi pissed me off today. And Arun doesn't talk to me that much anymore.

I feel like I'm on an island abandoned with crowds around me but not a soul to talk to. Loneliness is a real thing-- it's a real problem.

I'm sitting downstairs writing this. I'll go home and chant and study.

I am feeling:

Happy

Lonely

Quiet

Desolate

Solemn

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.45 pm

Journal 4.41 pm on 15.8.2026 Ive made myself clear

Dear Journal,

I messaged both RaTi and DeJh that I'm not interested in them. DeJh became defensive and RaTi apologised.

I don't buy the Rajneesh philosophy of free sex.

I don't want so much attention from men. I told Pa that and he said that I'm roaming around in short clothes, smoking cigarettes, of course people get the wrong impression!

I love my dad. He's such a rockstar guy!

Also I really hope Arun is fine.

I am feeling:

Happy

Focused

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love,

Me.

4.52 pm

Journal 2.45 pm on 15.8.2026 I didnt understand

Dear Journal,

RaTi called me a while ago. I went down to meet him. He was with his son.

I think... I think... out of all the things he told me, he propositioned me. That is what I understood. He spoke about two families and what not.

I think I'll keep my distance from him. I don't like this kind of attention from men.

I'm wearing my short pink dress. I think I'll change into something more decent.

I'll chant now, then study. I don't have so much time to think about men and sex.

DeJh sent me long messages about his dream in the morning.

I am sexually very conservative even though I wear short clothes. And frankly, I don't like this sexual attention from men.

I love my parents.

I really want to quit smoking.

Me and RaTi each had a cold coffee from Cat Cafe.

Then I came home and had pabda jhol.

I think I'll take my yoga mat and spend some time in Nature.

RaTi just called asking if I felt bad or something. Now what do I tell him? I'm not interested in him! I seek independence! I don't want any man chasing me like this.

I really miss talking to Arun. I really miss Arun.

I am feeling:

Boundary-crossed

Slightly irritated

Eager to have a good day

I am grateful for food, shelter and money.

I am grateful for my teachers and students.

I am not grateful for what RaTi told me today or how many men look at me.

I am grateful for loving relationships of mutual love, mutual trust and mutual respect.

I am grateful for the garden where I am going to go do yoga now.

What is inside my heart reflects in the environment.

I don't trust men like RaTi.

Arun and I never had sex. I can't sleep around. I really can't!

I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life and the lives of my loved ones.

Love,

Me.

3.10 pm

Journal 1.37 pm on 15.8.2026 employability has never been tougher

Dear Journal,

I truly understand the pains of the youth. The past three years have been super tough employment wise.

Personally, my mental health has not always supported me. More broadly, I would blame artificial intelligence. Job hunting has never been tougher!

Before 2023 I always found work easily and have even clocked in a record of over 25 job offers from top companies in a month when I quit journalism. That too without sending my resume!

Cut back to today, the scene is tougher, way tougher!

It's not just India that is bearing the brunt.

I have my teaching assignments and Tarot work. And these Tarot portals are including AI in their reader database.

For someone like Arun or even DeJh I think I paint a loser portrait. I don't know how easy or difficult work is for Arun but DeJh tells me that he is finding it quite tough. It's 1.44 pm.

Once my laptop is up and running I'll start my Tarot channel again. Now onward to study!

I am feeling:

Hummy

Happy

Loving

A bit too yellow

I am grateful for God's bountiful blessings upon me and my loved ones.

Love,

Me.

1.48 pm

Journal 12.27 pm on 15.8.2026 I believe in karma

Dear Journal,

I believe in karma. I believe that I'm facing the retribution of all my mistakes.

Today I was talking to Badal's mom and she started spilling all the details on the feud in her family. They are a little jhograte.

I am going to chant and study today. First to bathe and onward I go!

I distinctly remember seeing Arun in my dream but I dont remember the dream.

I think in my dream I was being talked about in groups that I had left.

I am feeling:

Happy

Sweet

I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

12.35 pm