Journal 7 46 pm on 8.7.2026 a day well-tried

Dear Journal,

I woke up today at 10.08 am. Im really sleeping a lot! I dont know why. I dont remember my dream from the morning.

I tried switching on my laptop but it just wont come on. I hope the repair doesnt cost too much. I'm out of Applecare insurance. I need to reply to many mails.

I spent the day basically doing what I would call manifesting. I went down for a walk and walked for about half an hour.

I really want to quit smoking. It would save me a lot of trouble.

I spent the day feeling so much love in my heart it was unbelievable.

Ma and Pa and Buo have gone to the doctor because Ma is not feeling too well. And Melon is at home with me. I cant go down for a walk.

PZo told me he needs to discuss something with me but I dont want to be such good friends with him.

DeJh just messaged. I think I'll reply to him later. If only I could quit smoking.

I am feeling:

Happy

Solemn

Loving

I hope Ma recovers well from whatever is afflicting her.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

7.55 pm

Journal 9.07 pm 7.7.2026 why do I feel so?

Dear Journal,

I came back after meeting See Dhi about an hour ago. Meeting her makes me feel so anxious. She has a visibly more macabre outlook on life than most people.

I feel the strange ringing in my ears feeling again. It is accompanied by a feeling that a higher power is trying to communicate with me.

I spent the day chanting and going through Tarot videos.

I wish I wasnt feeling this lump in my throat and oh so activated. I also missed Arun a lot today.

I feel like crying actually.

I helped Pa and Ma with the vessels since Moddeley is not coming to work.

I has doodh bhaat kola gud for dinner.

I think I'll go take a walk.

I am feeling:

Alright. A little happy sad mixed.

Totally in love with Arun.

Full of love.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9 14 pm

Journal 12 15 pm 7 7 2026 missing Arun

Dear Journal,

I woke up at 11 today! I must make the most of today! I woke up with an anxious feeling in my heart. And I dont remember my dream from the morning.

I'm missing Arun so deeply today. But he is married. And he is distant.

I woke up and watched Renaissance Tarot where Arman spoke about reconciliation. I dont know.

Then instead of chanting I switched on some songs that A and I shared to traverse my loneliness adequately.

I'm feeling alright now.

I think I'll chant and get on with my day. Why is Modelley not coming?

I am feeling:

Heart full of love

Reasonably happy

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I love Arun.

Love,

Me.

12 21 pm

Journal 8.54 pm on 6.7 2026 i am worthy

Dear Journal,

I'm feeling the strange ringing sensation in my ears again. Psha just left after a meeting and I don't know what is causing me to feel so anxious. Actually, there could be many reasons but I can't fathom any off the top of my head.

I woke up in the morning at 7.48 and went right back to sleep till 9.18. I've been really enjoying my sleep. I saw Ma off and went right back to sleep.

I woke up with a sad feeling in my heart. I was unable to recollect my dream in the morning.

I had to kind of force myself to chant at 10 for Bondona's relay. I chanted for some half an hour.

Then Ma came home. There was fish curry rice for lunch prepared by DuMa. I believe Modelley was rude to Pa over the phone. She hasn't been coming for the past two days.

After lunch Ma and I chanted for another half an hour where she corrected my diction and my pronunciation. It was a time well-spent.

Then I generally waited for Psha to come.

She was chirpy as always but through the daimoku she burst into tears.

She has been having Mil problems. She often talks about grappling with envy and jealousy.

We studied from the artist's division handbook. She told me that it's so obvious that I have a high Iq and a high Eq-- that I'm so blessed. That was very sweet of her.

I don't know if I was able to adequately give her support as tears rolled down her cheeks. I tried. I told her that our thoughts come and go and so do our feelings accordingly and it's what we allow to breed in our hearts that remains.

I also thought about Arun today. I don't know what to say about that.

I have my prayers and then I have life to deal with.

I think I'll start job hunting again from tomorrow.

I am feeling:

A heaviness in my throat.

Loving. It's been a while since my heart has expanded with love.

Reasonably happy with a tinge of sadness.

Missing Arun.

The strange dizzy giddy ear ringing feeling.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9 09 pm

Journal 8.55 pm on 5.7 2026 a hazy day that went by in a blimp

Dear Journal,

I am again experiencing that strange ringing in my ears. It's accompanied with feeling a little distressed. Everytime I feel this way I find that Ma has a similar expression to mine on her face. I wish I wasnt feeling this way.

I woke up today at 9. I remember seeing a dream but I dont remember the details. I just remember AbdulAli giving me a gift at a spot where there once stood a building which was being rebuilt.

Even though I feel like smoking a cigarette to overcome this dizzy giddy feeling I am not going to go down.

We had our dpm at 11 at Uma Dogra's place. I battled the torrential rains and sharp winds and got there only to learn that the meeting had been cancelled.

Anyhow I stayed back and chanted for about 40 minutes. 

I then took a rickshaw back home. Umaji was kind enough to make me, Psha and Dipan a cup of tea each. Without that I was feeling so inordinately drowsy.

I came home and Ma was with Vaishali Pancholi. After she got out of that meeting, Ma and I sat and studied and chanted. I chanted for another 30 minutes. 

Lunch was sambar rice with macher deemer bora. It was all so yum.

Then what did I do? It's all so hazy! I think at some point I chatted with DeJh and I pretty much went about idling about on my phone. The details are sketchy in my mind.

DeJh told me about some Jain mantra to chant. Well. And again he was proselytizing which is so bugging for me. I told him that.

Then at 6 I chanted for about an hour and then again for another 10 minutes.

Qudsiya just called! I spoke to her and saw her new house! I love her so much!

I think I'll help Ma out in the kitchen and then go to sleep.

It's been a long hazy day.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.25 pm

Journal 9 25 am 5.7 2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream with Pa and Shivshankaran uncle in it. I think they were talking about some groom for me. Then I saw AbdulAli at a spot where the building had been torn down offering me a gift (may be of cigarettes).

I woke up sharp at 9. I dont really remember the details of the dream.

I am feeling:

Heart hurt

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9 29 am

Journal 4.7 2026 6 47 pm I spoke to A!

Dear Journal,

I am so happy! I spoke to Arun for a longish time considering he has been giving me shorter calls.

From all that he told me I gathered that he is focused on his marriage and his work. He is inordinately busy. I so love him. 

I woke up at 11 am today from my aforementioned dream. I felt so lazy. I havent even bathed today. I just changed my clothes.

It's a wet wet day in Bombay and the city is under red alert.

I spent a lot of time on ChatGpt analysing birth charts. Firstly, our birth charts say that A and I are highly compatible. I don't know what to make of that.

DeJh wanted to come over but it rained so hard all day that he canned the plan. Even my student has canned class for tomorrow. 

I spent a really long time on ChatGpt today! Ate biryani!! And spoke to Arun!!! From a flimsy day this has become a good day.

I made ada cha for Ma and me.

Tomorrow is our world peace Gongyo and Daimoku.

I think I'll chant now for about half an hour. I'm holed up at home. It's funny how our prayers are answered! 

I am feeling:

Smelly

Happy

Full of love and loving

Hopeful despite a dull day

There is a fly bugging me right now.

Oh Buro and Sadhya came home to arrange the honey! I spent some time with them! I love the two of them so.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life. 

I am grateful for food, shelter, work and money. 

I am grateful for relationships of mutual trust, mutual love and mutual respect.

I am so so so inordinately grateful that Arun and I are on talking terms.

Here is to a better evening.

Love,

Me.

7.01 pm