Journal 9.54 pm on 4.10.2026 Im so lazing....

Dear Journal,

Im so lazing around. I snoozed in the evening. I spent some time with Twi who was complaining about SmiKan.

Then I heard a rat under the bench and rushed back home.

I woke up close to 12 in the morning. I have Madhav in the morning then a whole day full of lectures tomorrow. 

I ordered from McDonalds today and that was my dinner. Im so full up to my neck.

Im waiting for my salary because Ill pay back Arun with the money.

In fact I saw Arun in my dream in the morning. The whole dream is hazy because Pa came and woke me up. However, I remember waiting for something to happen. The way Im waiting on Arun in my waking life. There was Pa, there was Ma and that is it.

It's exactly 10 pm. I think I'll work till about 12/1 and go to sleep. But now for some visualisation exercise.

Arun is shoooooo cute. And Ma is looking so good with her white frame. She looks so young.

Ill just shut my eyes in a dark room for fifteen minutes and then get to work.

I am feeling:

Rested and relaxed

Alert and bright

Had too many Cloud 9s today.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

10.04 pm

Journal 4.51 pm on 3.10.2026 I spoke to Arun

Dear Journal,

Firstly, I spoke to Arun for a longish time today. I soooooo love him. He is shooooo cute and sho shweet and so delectable. I miss his smell.

Talking of smell Ive started using Johnsons Baby Cream on my skin and I smell like a baby.

Me and A spoke about Ai and he reiterated that it's vital to adapt. It is. I should take it from the expert who has been through many technological changes in his career.

I really miss him. I so miss his smell and his hands.

I woke up lateish, after 11.30. I saw a dream where I've won some big prize for writing (I dont know if it was the Nobel) and Jamnabai was really proud and showed Ma all that they could find of what Id written in the school. And Ma was feeling so proud.

I even saw Arun and Pa in the dream but not so much dream time for them. It was basically about Ma and about Ma feeling elated that Id been recognised.

I am feeling:

Happy

In love with Arun

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

I am grateful that Arun will always be in my life.

Love,

Me.

5 pm

Ps: I also spent considerable time with Pa before and after lunch discussing cricket and my recurring dreams. Pa said that my subconscious seems to think that I can win a huge prize so I should consciously believe that and work towards it. 

Pa said that he doesnt think of his dreams that much. My parents have been absolute stalwarts in the way they have lived life. And I love Pa, Ma, Buro, Sadhya and Arun absolutely. 

Love,

Me.

5.35 pm

Letter to Arun 9.43 pm on 2.10.2026 Im feeling a little off

Dearest Babypie and Darlingestpie,

Howdeedo? I so miss you, you know that.

I had two rounds of panipuri the other day and Ive been feeling so nauseous.

I was planning to go sugarfree this month but Dassera will be upon us and there will be sweets.

Do you think I should go sugar free after Diwali or should I do that now?

How have you been keeping?

Thank you soooooo much for calling me today even though we didnt talk that much!

I miss you. I love you...

I hope you are not feeling nauseous.

It's almost ten and I have work to accomplish.

I think I'll brush my teeth and go to bed and work tomorrow. 

Im feeling so groggy.

All my friends have been telling me to dye my hair. I want your opinion on my greys and whites. So will you please just meet me? Please.

I miss you. It's been a while since Ive seen your supercute supersweet face.

Hey Arun I love you-- and there is absolutely no reason behind it except that I do. You are amazing!

Chummma to you!

Love,

Doel.

9.51 pm

Journal 8 44 pm on 1.10.2026 happiness

Dear Journal,

This week I wont message Arun to take an appointment with him even though talking with him will make a huge diff. He said he will call on his own. Let me see if he will. If he does I'll be elated. If he doesnt it tells me that he doesnt care and that's another kind of outcome. 

His tp girlfriend messaged me last night about some new venture that she is a part of. I deleted the message.

Today I slept till 1.30 in the afternoon. Ive been really sleeping a lot.

I then went to Metamorph. At 3 Tanya tried to cancel it and she again told me when I reached that I should reach sooner and i told her that thats not possible.

Arya said her English language paper went quite well.

Teachers are a mean lot. May be they are all frustrated that they are just teachers. Ruchita was horrible to Dhyaan today. And Ive seen it all my life, the purging of frustration by teachers on their loved ones.

My happiness should not depend on of Arun will call, or on how Im treated, or on how much money I have. I should try to be happy inspite of all that.

I went for the Dpm in the evening to AstAro's house. SeeDhi led the study beautifully. She emphasised on being humanistic.

She said a lot of things. She said you cant make khichdi and expect to eat biryani.

I love my mother even though growing up with her has been quite a challenge.

(I again feel my ears ringing and alert and my head full of thoughts...)

Also SeeDhi inspired me to chant to challenge my life conditions that limit me.

She spoke about Nmrk not being magic and about how all prayers get answered.

Tomorrow if time permits I'd like to visit the Apple Store.

And here is to spreading happiness and joy. Here is to better times. Here is to making the right choices difficult though they may be. Here is to a magical life. Here is to all the love, happiness and good fortune in my life.

I am feeling:

Happy

Alert

Acidity from the pani puri I ate

I bumped into Leena and Twi as I was coming back home.

I have decided to transform my financial karma with daimoku towards November 18.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love, 

Me.

9.06 pm

Journal 11.38 pm on 1.10.2026 a dream of evil

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream where Ma was particularly evil in my dream. Why did I see Ma that way?

Lots of people talk poorly about Ma. They tell me things about her, especially SeeDhi and Debo. That is so sad.

I am feeling:

Slightly groggy

I wont message or call Arun.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

11.41 am

Journal 9.35 pm on 30.9.2026 I slept

Dear Journal,

I woke up close to 10 and saw that Madhav cancelled today's lecture. But Tejal wanted to meet me.

So I drank my lemon juice and ate a kachori and met her. She said that she is slightly concerned about the syllabus. I dont know what to say. Im trying my best.

I dont remember the dream in the morning. I again dosed off till 2. I dont remember those dreams too.

Then I got ready and left for Metamorph. I taught Tarini, Aarya, and my 8th Grade except Lakshit.

I felt a leaving of Arun from my heart like I'm not so hung up by him. I actually dont like being a teacher.

But despite that I told myself that I should count my blessings. Things could have been far worse. I should be happy and I should celebrate my happiness.

I am feeling:

Sweaty

Reasonably happy

Stable

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.44 pm

Journal 29.9.2026 10.07 pm Ma is so manipulative

Dear Journal, 

I dont want to go to Goa to meet mashi and Mesho. They treat me very badly, especially Mashi.

I had an okay sort of day today.

I went to meet SeeDhi. I find women to be so manipulative.

I am feeling:

Happy

Sleepy

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

10.10 pm