Journal 8 44 pm on 1.10.2026 happiness

Dear Journal,

This week I wont message Arun to take an appointment with him even though talking with him will make a huge diff. He said he will call on his own. Let me see if he will. If he does I'll be elated. If he doesnt it tells me that he doesnt care and that's another kind of outcome. 

His tp girlfriend messaged me last night about some new venture that she is a part of. I deleted the message.

Today I slept till 1.30 in the afternoon. Ive been really sleeping a lot.

I then went to Metamorph. At 3 Tanya tried to cancel it and she again told me when I reached that I should reach sooner and i told her that thats not possible.

Arya said her English language paper went quite well.

Teachers are a mean lot. May be they are all frustrated that they are just teachers. Ruchita was horrible to Dhyaan today. And Ive seen it all my life, the purging of frustration by teachers on their loved ones.

My happiness should not depend on of Arun will call, or on how Im treated, or on how much money I have. I should try to be happy inspite of all that.

I went for the Dpm in the evening to AstAro's house. SeeDhi led the study beautifully. She emphasised on being humanistic.

She said a lot of things. She said you cant make khichdi and expect to eat biryani.

I love my mother even though growing up with her has been quite a challenge.

(I again feel my ears ringing and alert and my head full of thoughts...)

Also SeeDhi inspired me to chant to challenge my life conditions that limit me.

She spoke about Nmrk not being magic and about how all prayers get answered.

Tomorrow if time permits I'd like to visit the Apple Store.

And here is to spreading happiness and joy. Here is to better times. Here is to making the right choices difficult though they may be. Here is to a magical life. Here is to all the love, happiness and good fortune in my life.

I am feeling:

Happy

Alert

Acidity from the pani puri I ate

I bumped into Leena and Twi as I was coming back home.

I have decided to transform my financial karma with daimoku towards November 18.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love, 

Me.

9.06 pm

Journal 11.38 pm on 1.10.2026 a dream of evil

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream where Ma was particularly evil in my dream. Why did I see Ma that way?

Lots of people talk poorly about Ma. They tell me things about her, especially SeeDhi and Debo. That is so sad.

I am feeling:

Slightly groggy

I wont message or call Arun.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

11.41 am

Journal 9.35 pm on 30.9.2026 I slept

Dear Journal,

I woke up close to 10 and saw that Madhav cancelled today's lecture. But Tejal wanted to meet me.

So I drank my lemon juice and ate a kachori and met her. She said that she is slightly concerned about the syllabus. I dont know what to say. Im trying my best.

I dont remember the dream in the morning. I again dosed off till 2. I dont remember those dreams too.

Then I got ready and left for Metamorph. I taught Tarini, Aarya, and my 8th Grade except Lakshit.

I felt a leaving of Arun from my heart like I'm not so hung up by him. I actually dont like being a teacher.

But despite that I told myself that I should count my blessings. Things could have been far worse. I should be happy and I should celebrate my happiness.

I am feeling:

Sweaty

Reasonably happy

Stable

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.44 pm

Journal 29.9.2026 10.07 pm Ma is so manipulative

Dear Journal, 

I dont want to go to Goa to meet mashi and Mesho. They treat me very badly, especially Mashi.

I had an okay sort of day today.

I went to meet SeeDhi. I find women to be so manipulative.

I am feeling:

Happy

Sleepy

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

10.10 pm

Journal 29.9.2026 4 31 pm A sliver of a dream

Dear Journal,

I remember a tiny speck of a sliver of my dream. I dreamt that I was whatsapping Arun something about tomatoes and looked for the smiley of a tomato to send him. I find the smiley and send it to him.

Arun is sho cute. Each night I imagine myself hugging him as I fall asleep. I dont think Ill ever stop loving him.

I have to go to Metamorph tomorrow.

I am going to prepare well today.

Im feeling so deeply in love with Arun. He is shuch a cutie pie. I love him.

I am feeling:

Deeply in love

Happy

Need a bath

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

4.35 pm

Journal 9.15 pm on 28.9.2026 just like that

Dear Journal,

Just like that Arun's birth month is coming to a close. I'm feeling high strung again-- a little yearning for Arun, my ears ringing and feeling like God is trying to tell me something. I dont know why I feel this way sometimes.

I pulled through another Monday! The students are so naughty. And like Ruchita observed they take me for granted.

I hope they score good marks.

I hope Arya and Kshiraja are growing and Danika and gang are learning. The esl students cancelled class today so I'm home early.

I treated Deetya and Sani to vada pavs today over a bet I had with them. Arnav and Divyansh are such sweet boys. I really love these students.

Ive been asked to take extra lectures on Wednesday. I completely forgot about the ptm on Saturday and slept till 6 in the evening.

I dont remember my dream of this morning. Usually the dreams where Arun features slip my mind when I wake up. I wish I remembered even a glimmer of them.

Freud said that the sexual urge explains everything-- the vices and the virtues, the good, the bad, the ugly.

I really want to make love to Arun. But I cant. He is off limits!

Ma and Pa are not home yet. Theyve gone to get their specs fixed. Pa said that they are also going to the tailor after that.

Ive started writing a new gratitude journal. Ill sit with that now. Writing by hand is a must.

I am feeling:

High strung

Reasonably happy

Awake

Poetic

Grateful

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace,blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.29 pm

Journal 1.55 pm on 27.9.2026 my exam

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream in the morning that I'm with Buro in Shangrila A and Pa has died. But he has left behind recorded messages for Buro to hear.

Buro tells me in the dream that Pa is in the Maldives and has been calling him up. I see Pa's ghost. And also someone I love has also died in the dream-- not Arun but RPremC. I see his ghost too in the dream.

I woke up late and got ready for my exam.

The exam was so simple compared to last time. I hope I score 100 per cent marks. I could....

Now Ill chant and study for tomorrow.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Pretty

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

2 01 pm