Tomorrow

I tread onto my eternal path of goodness

All stealthy and swift, devoid of any rudeness

With love and high life force as a gift.

As I walk ahead the stars guide me

As I create and use my golden voice

With gold and silver raining upon me

Even precious jewels from the heavens above.

Right now I am hankering

After any small penny saved

But tomorrow is upon me

With all its glories wrapped in jade.

What I see I would not have imagined before,

Infinite money that's the lore,

Every penny for my love,

Every ounce of beauty

Held with gloves.

You saw me yesterday and you see me tomorrow

But what of today? Without you it is sorrow.

I dont need to trade in money for your love

Because I have you with all our stuff

So regal and so sound

With wisdom most profound.

I cannot imagine today

The riches tomorrow will bring

But I can ignite the hope within 

And songs of love and life softly sing.

The riches arent no burden

And glory doesnt come all of a sudden

For every poem I write

I see you in hindsight. 

The road ahead

I have loved and I have lost

And immense was the cost

Of hiding my true feelings

From kissing and from kneeling.

Where once supported the world,

I found myself alone

Trapped in my circumstances

There but still not at home.

The storms had eased beyond doubt

And all words had me soothe

Sooner than a roundabout

I kept finding myself in my zone.

I saw that all about me

The ones I love were just seething

And me a mind on karma

Kept sowing good seeds for the grieving.

Sometimes some people lose gentility,

Sometimes some lose their heads for might 

And seeking then serenity,

How short is the night!

The sun in my eyes,

Butterflies in a bud,

I called out aloud to goodness,

Only sweet words I had said.

I felt may be such is life,

Alone and still and so calm,

Nothing more to highlight

Except that never again was there a storm.

On the final day of Judgment,

I sat pretty and all laced up

Finding myself in heaven

Guided by a hand above.

And there I saw that all about me

Had held secret wishes in their hearts

To see my victorious and winning

With many blessings right from the start.

How lucky am I yet alone!

How prosperous and not a stone!

How kind and so generous

Wherever I go I am at home!

Not one anymore two-times me,

Not one rejects my heart and love

With so many wellwishers enshrined me

As a peaceful golden dove!

It takes courage to change the thought

To a more positive bent of mind

Such as is this long ballad

Of hope and companions and rising buds. 

No sooner than I am old,

Never once stone cold

For all kind words leave my tongue

As I am yet so young.

It's a beautiful life before me

Where I am encouraged

Lest someone deceive me

But so many I can trust

With love never going bust.

Journal 9.24 pm on 22.9.2026 I slept

Dear Journal,

Today Madhav cancelled the class. There was Chinese for lunch and I ordered the vegetables and groceries for it.

I havent bathed today. I ate lunch and fell asleep till 6.41. I saw Arun in my dream. I think it was a happy dream. Why does Arun not check his messages for hours? I hope he is fine.

I woke up and wore kajal and lipstick and left for my study meet. Nimisha, Gouri, seeDhi and me.

Then I came home and Ma was watching a series called Indrani on HoiChoi. I sat and watched an entire episode with her. It showed politics in a big and rich Bengali family.

That made me think that there is so much evil in the world. I then went down and met Twi and I teased her with Marzoo.

I think that in a world riddled by evil I should be a source of good.

I wish life was easier and that I had more money.

Gou told me today that I should really get over Arun. I should na. Her boyfriend got engaged to someone else. And she says that she is hurt.

I am Shakyamuni's emissary in this world. Whether I chant or dont chant I hold high compassion in my heart.

Wherever I go I carry the essence of Shakyamuni.

Today SeeDhi spoke about her fights with her husband. And she said that we must look at our lives and see where we are going wrong. I think she has suffered quite a bit. You cant really blame Sanskar for it. Her suffering is self-inflicted. And when I see Ma and her and people like them suffer it reminds me that gratitude takes you a long way.

I think I will sleep now.

I am feeling:

Happy

Well rested

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.39 pm

Journal 22.9.2026 12.48 pm I saw Nash in my dream

Dear Journal,

I saw Nash in my dream-- like I was part of his gang. He tells me in the dream to not tell him that I love him.

He goes through some photographs which have Anuradha in it. I tell him that two of his friends including ShreyZ are good-looking. 

We are venturing into some kind of backroad.

It was a complicated dream with structure.

May be I should just stop telling Arun that I love him.

Madhav cancelled class today. I spoke to Tejal. She asked me whether the syllabus will be covered for all the students? She said that she is a little concerned about that.

This is the first time teaching Igcse and icse and Im just about getting the hang of it. I dont expect anyone to understand that but Im happy ive pulled through so far. And that Ive showed up.

Im happy with a tinge of tiresomeness.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

12.58 pm

Letter to Arun 1.38 am on 22.9.2026 Ill talk to you about this

Dear shonaest of shonas,

I want to tell you something.

I feel so darned sexual these days. And it's all directed at you.

My therapist told me that I should masturbate and go meet other men. I tried doing that but Im not ready.

I dont want my mind filled with dirty thoughts and believe you me I dont want to date anybody. In fact, in a way I want only you. Nobody else.

I find men to be so substandard around me, dating wise.

And like I told you-- Even if Leonardo di Caprio came along and asked me to date him Id tell him that I have my Arun who I have to care for and love. I cant waste my time with no Johnny Depp or Leonardo di Caprio or anyone-- famous rich, notorious poor dont matter to me.

Believe me I Love You from the core of my being. You smell so good. And you are sho shweet.

I hope I fall asleep.

Love,

Doel.

Letter to Arun 10.54 pm on 21.9 2026 muwaaah

My dearest cutest babiest of babies Arun,

I sat and thought a lot about it while I was in class today.

I dont want to read dirty literature and I dont want to date any guy.

I got so many messages from guys, a certain PawPa and H, today while I was in the middle of lectures. I dont want to date them.

I also thought about you. I look so bedraggled these days. Ive stopped wearing earrings and my hair was uncombed. Thats what I realised when I returned home.

I think Im coming down with a fever.

Ill just go take a short walk.

Hope your days are going well.

Love,

Doel

10.58 pm

Letter to Arun 1.18 pm on 21.9.2026 I saw you in my dream

Dearest cutest darlingest of darlings Arun,

I saw you in my dream in the morning but I dont remember the dream.

I miss you. I think you were harsh on me in the dream and we had an argument or something.

Have an amazing day today! Really live it up!

Love,

Me.

1 20 pm