Dear Journal,
I will make the most of today!
I should not be happy with the crumbs that Arun throws me. Except once he has never ever apologised to me. He didnt wish me on my birthday. He insulted me in front of his friends. And he called me a rebound. He demeaned me.
It's exactly 4 pm. I dont know why I love him! Are the other guys around worse than him? I really want to meet some good quality men.
I woke up close to 1.30 in the afternoon today.
I just about a while ago chanted.
Today is one of the best days of my life.
Everytime I pray for money my heart feels physically broken. Why is that? It's exactly 4.04 pm.
I'll never forget that he told his friends in front of me: Mere paas char our ladkiyan hai. Par mai iske saath nahin rehta kyunki ye pagal hai. I'll never ever forget that! If he said that in front of me, he must have said far worse behind my back. I want to fight with him about it! I will not accept such insults!
I'm feeling so hurt at the moment.
Arun is a mean cruel sort of guy. Why on Earth did he make me fall in love with him? And why on Earth cant I get over him?
May be it's because Im such a kind soul and I keep him in my prayers.
Even though Im sexually attracted to Arun he may not be good for me.
Im at a crossroads in my heart.
I had a dream that I had a flight and it was delayed. Then it landed smoothly in the middle of the night. I saw Ma and Pa too.
Then I saw myself massaging Chumkimashis feet and she kept positioning herself upward on the mattress.
I saw Shivsankaran uncle making me message him and the letter D was prominent in my mind. And then I woke up.
I am feeling:
Happy
Serious
Angry with Arun
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
4.17 pm
