Journal 8.38 pm on 29.6.2026 a day of missing

Dear Journal,

Today was a day of missing A inordinately. I gave him a call and he called back. And we spoke for barely a minute!

I just got relieved from my wd meeting. DeePan spoke about The Power of One. How one person's determination can alter the destiny of many.

When I spoke about struggling at work Kamini told me to be resolute in my prayers and to not give up on praying on even a single prayer.

I think I'll study a bit now and then sleep.

Writing letters to myself really helped today.

I feel my ears ringing from all the noise outside. 

Today I got a call from a coaching institute to train their students in English. I have to be well-prepared for it. Grateful for every opportunity I get. Even the one with AfShe. I'm learning so much!

Nothing is super enthralling. Life is moving on.

Today DeJh wanted to come home after 7 but I was in my meeting. I'm so happy I attended the wd meeting.

DiPan has been struggling with ill health. PSha came. Suma was there. It was all so wonderful.

I am feeling:

Awakened

Alert

Bright

A little deadpan

Now I'll chant and study.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

8.46 pm

A letter to my 30-year-old self 6.36 pm 29.6.2026

Dear Dodoburi,

Look how far you've come! You just quit Dna which was the most rewarding experience of your life. You dated G over there who you thought you were in love with. But you would just not make do with him today. So whatever happens happens for the best.

Even though you lost Arun years later the period was the most memorable of your life!

I'm sorry I put you in a spiral of cigarettes, sex, drugs and alcohol.

Youve been sober from alcohol for about 2 months now. You havent smoked a cigarette in over two hours!

Hold on! Youve kicked the butt!

The cigarettes caused your imagination to go beserk!

I'm sorry you had meltdowns on social media and suffered from delusions and hallucinations?

What can I do to ease the pain? One is that I can take the pills for the rest of my life and I can be sober.

Sobriety is the aim!

Love,

Me.

6.43 pm

A letter to my future self (10 years from now) 29.6.2026 6.00 pm

Dear future self,

I see that the struggles are behind you. You have woken up to your mission to serve humanity through your words. And my my! The accolades it has brought you are enormous and fitting of prestige.

I see that you have become a woman of your word and that you service all with unflinching kindness and compassion. You have acting accolades under your belt; your books sell like hot cakes and you've become popular with the masses!

Are Mom and Pop still around? Are you still in touch with Arun? How are you doing?

Today on the 29th of June 2026 I woke up with heartburn and a feeling of deep immense love. Do you still feel such deep love in your heart?

Today I woke up with the fear of unsafeness and insecurity. But then I thought about you and it eased my fears!

Write. Write to save yourself!

The job you have with AfShe that youll leave in the next 12 days has taught you patience. The job with Metamorphose that is coming up will be satisfying. 

Everything teaches us a lesson.

Loving Arun on the bright side taught you how deep your love can go and on the hindsight it taught you that you are responsible for your physical and mental well-being.

You still chant, don't you?

There is a wd meeting in the house at 7.

I think I'll sit and work on my book after this. It should be good.

I know your health is sparkly bright and that you have found love. And that makes me so happy for you!

CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS AND SUCCESSES! Life is beautiful with total gratitude for Ma, Pa and Buo.

Love,

Self of 29th June 2026. 6.10 pm

Journal 29.6.2026 3.26 pm full of love

Dear Journal,

My heart is so filled with love at the moment.

Last night I went to sleep rather late. I spent time with my horoscope on ChatGpt and watched Armaan on Rennaisance tarot.

I slept close to 1.30.

I was woken up by Pa's coaxing around 8.30.

Last night I was gripped with a fear of losing my father. Not an irrational fear given his age. I prayed for him to have a long, healthy and happy life and as I prayed I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up and chanted and meditated. I don't remember my dream from the morning even though I remember dreaming.

As I chant for money and my career my heart is filled with a burning sensation.

AfShe's insults on Saturday still stung me in the morning and I texted him and bunked work. DeJh said he would come home.

I spent time on ChatGpt in the morning.

I had every intention to write in the morning but I'm feeling so blah and so drowsy.

Arun's pictures came up in memories and I missed him all through the morning as my heart felt a surge of love.

Once you love someone deeply the love never dies.

I had khichdi for lunch with curd.

I am feeling:

Slightly gloomy

Full of love

Aware that my thoughts make my life.

Now I dont know what to do. I think I'll just lie down.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

3.35 pm

Journal 7.06 pm 28.6.2026 patience

Dear Journal,

I can't wait for the day when I stop working for AfShe!

Today I woke up around 7.38. As I'm doing my counselling work each day I think of Dr Nagvekar's assistant and how beautifully and methodically she does her work. May be that is why I saw a dream that I'm about to get an eye surgery from Dr Nagvekar on my left lazy eye.

I woke up and chanted and meditated. Then my student was supposed to come so I waited. He came early.

I tried to curate an engaging class for him last night. He said he enjoyed the class. However, he kept sending me banal messages after.

After the class it was time for lunch.

I had neem begun, chorchori, bhindi fry, dal with rice-- a nice vegetarian meal.

After lunch Ma and I chanted for about half an hour. Ma guided me on how exactly Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo is supposed to be chanted.

Then I job-hunted for a bit. Looking for writing work is truly stressful these days. Jobs are so few and far between!

I then met Twi around 5.40 and we walked for about half an hour. At her behest I downloaded my kundli and put it up for analysis on chat gpt. According to my kundli I'm not supposed to have a linear career path and September is a good time for me to get a job! I really want a writing job.

I think now I'll review a James Allen book on Medium.

I'll chant for about half an hour then I'll do that.

I am feeling:

Happy

Missing Arun mildly (all the conversations)

Loving

Sweaty from my walk

Sweet

Bright

Alert

A slight heaviness of heart

Hopeful

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for relationships of mutual trust and respect.

I am grateful for money, shelter and work.

I am grateful that I write.

I spoke to DeJh for a bit today.

Love,

Me.

7.19 pm

Journal 7.58 am 28 6.2026 dream of surgery

Dear Journal,

I had a dream that my left eye was lazy and that Dr Nagvekar has another place for surgeries. I then am going to the surgery place in my dream. Then I woke up. 

What does this mean?

Love,

Me.

8.00 am

Journal 27.6.2026 9.25 pm I had a hectic day

Dear Journal,

Firstly let me get to the point. I had a gruelling day when insults were rained down upon me. It was a pretty hectic day.

I woke up around 8 am. I did my chanting, meditation and yoga. Then I rushed to work with a heavy heart. I didnt really want to go to work on a glorious Saturday. I think I'll bunk next Saturday.

AfShe was downright insulting. And there is no one else to talk to. He hasnt even given me a contract! He said it doesnt seem I've worked before. I was so frustrated by this repartee that I boiled over.

I left work early at 5.30. I bumped into A Alam at Andheri Station and he dropped me home. Then I made him an omelette and tea. We played a little Tarot putting a pleasant spin to my evening.

Then I bathed. Im wearing Buro's Tshirt with my chocolate brown palazzos.

When will my hardships get over?

I spent some time with Twi in the evening-- a good half an hour. We discussed movies, work, insults at work, how we didn't get married. It was fun!

Then I came home and chanted with Ma for fifteen minutes.

Now I'll chant a bit more and prepare for tomorrow's lecture.

As I was chanting I thought to myself that I have had worse days at work. This is not my worst day. I've been brought to tears. I've been abused and insulted.

AfShe said payment will come on the tenth. So I'll have to work till then to collect my payment then it's tata bye bye to AfShe.

I hope tomorrow's student agrees to classes only on Sundays till the 12th till when I'll have to hold this job.

I've had a mixed day.

I am feeling:

Heart heavy

Happy

Slightly depressed (the way you feel when you've been unjustly insulted)

Bright

Alert

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for my work and money and food and shelter.

I am grateful that better things are going to be asked of me in the future.

I am grateful that I have understanding parents. Ma said I shouldnt accept insults.

I am grateful for Melon and Kittoo who are at home.

I am grateful for loving relationships of mutual trust and mutual respect.

I am grateful for this journal.

Love,

Me.

9.41 pm

Ps: now ill chant and prepare for tomorrow's lecture and go to sleep.