Journal 10.20 am on 17.9.2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream where Im very close to Arun. And I saw myself in possession of a briefcase with gold coins.

I am feeling:

Happy

Drowsy

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

10 22 am

Journal 9 32 pm on 16.9.2026 Ill never love again

Dear Journal,

I really should get over Arun. I get just silence from him and monitoring of how long we talk to each other on a call. And yet, he's been online on a call for over 40 minutes.

Im planning to write my memoir.

Ill go to sleep now.

I am feeling: Hurt

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.35 pm

Journal 4 35 pm on 16.9.2026 Ive been hit by Zoomies

Dear Journal,

For the past over an hour I feel like Ive been hit by Zoomies. I had a cig with an energy drink and Ive been feeling that same strange ringing in the ears feeling and as if some higher power is trying to connect with me.

My eyes are soft, my demeanour may be a little anxious but on the face of it Im good.

I havent really been focusing on my novel about Hema but I feel particularly enthused about writing about my life in a memoir.

That should be good. And ever since the idea struck me Im feeling alert and aware and well, zoomieish. Someone would say that this is a panic attack.

May be it is. And im in the midst of it. I think Ill chant for about an hour and then go to SeeDhi's for the study.

Im feeling particularly upbeat. Ive also been feeling like telling Modelley not to go around babbling about me to Ma but I wont. Let me be the bigger and better person. Ma has taken her slinging match against me to the maids. She is really incorrigible.

I am feeling:

Happy

Zoomieish

Alert

My heart rate is up

Loving

Feeling sexual

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

4 45 pm

Love,

Me.

Journal 8.11 am on 16.9.2026 a dream

Dear Journal, 

I saw a dream where Ive made it as a poet  my poetry goes viral every time I write one.

Then I saw Arun in a dream. He is quite shocked when I tell him that I dont go out anymore.

Then we have to copy something from a whiteboard. And I start with a marker on the board itself. Then I woke up.

I think Ill dose a bit more.

Love,

Me.

8.15 am

Journal 9.04 pm on 15.9 2026 Hey

Dear Journal,

Today is the 2nd day of Ganesh Chaturthi and the Jain festival Michhami Dukkadam. Pa wished us in the morning and I wished Arun.

The first thing when I wake up in the morning I have a class with Madhav these days.

Today after class I didnt really do much. DiPan and Jayantika came home in the evening. We chanted for about an hour. Then we just chatted. And after Jayantika left we studied.

At such a young age Jayantika was able to buy a house for herself. She shared her experience. She said that it's only when she took responsibility for her karma that things started transforming for her.

It's exactly 9.09.

Jayantika spoke about how she is looking at herself and trying to change.

After that we spoke about obstacles being opportunities, and about the daimoku first approach. There is so much band baaja on the roads right now!

And I reflected on all we spoke about.

If I want to see a change in my circumstances, I have to be sincere first. I am responsible for how my life is. There is nobody else to blame or praise.

What does Arun's silence to my greeting mean? I so love this man. I really really do.

I love my mother too. I want her to see me as capable and respectworthy. 

I love my father and the smell of his body when I hug him.

And I absolutely adore my little brother, and now Sadhya.

I love all my friends, even the ones Im not in touch with.

Ive ordered some burgers because DuMa didnt come today. I should really stop ordering food.

All day I spent on YouTube. Im wearing my red dress at the moment.

Yesterday I was reading an article about piety and about past life vows. It said that in our past life if we ever have taken vows of celibacy and poverty and piety, it can affect our present life.

Sometimes in this life I have thought about becoming a Buddhist nun but I wont do that. I wont run away from this life that has been given to me, these circumstances, these parents, this Buo, this Arun and these opportunities. 

When I read Pema Chodron I sometimes fantasize about living her life. Without doubt in a past life Ive lived as a Buddhist nun, a Bhikkuni, definitely. I dont know how virtuous or pious people view me as but I try to cultivate these qualities.

There was TeMo who is a priest who kind of fell in love with me and got reprimanded for it by his superiors in Church. 

I wonder how he is. It's been a while since Ive spoken to him.

In this life I dont want my vows of poverty. I want to be wealthy and giving and forgiving. 

That's it, that's all I wanted to say. Hope Arun didnt take my message to him negatively.

I am feeling:

Heart full of love

Missing Arun

Happy

Content

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.32 pm

Letter to God 4 39 pm on 15.9 2026 help me

Dear God,

Firstly dear God dont ever let me take advantage of anyone. Let me never use anybody and let me treat everyone with respect. Especially my family, Arun and all my friends. Let me approach everyone with sincere feelings of compassion.

And most importantly, let me pay back Arun the lumpsum money Ive planned. Thank you so much for granting my wish!

And let me show Arun that I dont want him for his money or anything material. Let him realise what he means to me. No matter where life throws him i'll always love him with all my heart. 

I dont want him to come into any unfortunate circumstances. At the same time I want to give to him, I want to love him, I want him in my life. Let me prove that to him that I'll never take advantage of him, that no matter what my love for him will never lessen. Thank you God for all the many ways you hold me, for all the blessings upon me.

Let me honour all beings as your emissary.

Thank you!

Love,

Buri.

Journal 3.35 pm on 15.9.2026 quotes on love

Dear Journal,

There are two quotes that I swear by. I really give great credence to feeling. What feels right? What feels wrong? What feels like love? And what doesnt?

Last to last night I had a dream that I hate Buro and all of yesterday went in figuring out why I had such a dream. I love my little one,  my little brother the most in the whole wide world. We have had our share of fights and all that. But I still love him. He is my anmol ratna.

'Love is an abstract noun but it's also a verb. In order to feel love you have to love.'

Love is more in the acts of love than the feeling. And it takes courage to act. If you do the act of love, love will follow as a feeling.

Then there is the other quote.

'Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait pas ' 'The heart has its reasons that reason knows not of.' Sometimes the feeling in the heart is so overpowering that we can't fathom it. That is why they say: 'Always follow your heart.'

What is my heart telling me these days?

1. I cant forget Arun. He is important to me. I wont love another as I loved him. He is irreplacable.

2. Even though Im struggling sincere effort will take me far. Always choose discipline and sincerity in all work.

3. No matter how they behave to always love my family first. They are the reason I am who I am.

4. To love myself above all. Because noone knows me like I do.

5. To care for myself always.

6. To honour the person in front of me with utmost respect.

7. To always be grateful.

8. To always count my blessings in all circumstances.

9. To care for my abode.

10. To cultivate healthy habits.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

3.50 pm