Journal 8.40 pm 26.6.2026 nothing lasts forever

Dear Journal,

The phone has all of a sudden recitified itself. In the final innings there is no one but yourself to contend with. Look at my situation with Arun-- we barely talk! When I was with him I used to feel it will never get over. And now look where we are!

People enter our lives for a purpose-- to help us grow and help us face ourselves better.

I woke up in the morning around 8. I had a cigarette and chanted and meditated and did some yoga. The anxiety from not having my phone had eased.

Then I made my way to the bus stop. After a short wait a jam-packed 221 arrived.

Work was decent. As usual AfShe was a little irritable. I have had two leads convert this week and the weekend is packed with demo sessions. A part of me doesnt want to leave this job. Another part wants to help go it alone. I have a private student on Sunday. Hope that session goes well! I ate a chinese manchurian at the station.

I left work a little late. I got a nearly empty 221 and was on my way home.

When I got home Ma told me that she was at Raju aunty's place which is very close to my workplace. Well I missed her even though she tried calling me up. I couldnt hear a word on whatsapp call.

DeJh told me that he will give me his old phone. But now my phone is working as if nothing went wrong.

I had fish curry rice when I got home and a little while later DiPan came home. She has been battling many challenges related to her health. She seemed understanding of my mental health situation.

I missed talking to Twi today.

Now I'll chant for another 15 minutes and check my mail. I havent written much of my novel this week. The coming week should be better.

I am feeling:

Happy

Stable

Full of love

Sweet

Clean from my headwash

Happy to have spent some time with DiPan

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for the good fortune and good luck in my life.

I am grateful for food, shelter and money.

I am grateful for the internet, my phone, my laptop.

I am grateful for the loving relationships in my life of mutual trust and understanding.

I am grateful for clothes. Today I wore my blue and white Cottonworld Kurta with denims.

I am grateful for the fantastic job coming my way.

Love,

Me.

8.57 pm

Journal 9 pm 25.6.2026 to feeling better tomorrow!

 Dear Journal,

I can't find my phone. I have mostly left it at the institute. Hopefully I'll get it back tomorrow. I'm feeeling a mild panic attack oweing to that.

Today in the morning I woke up from a dream that the stick I use to clean my ears with had broken. I woke up to find the stick intact.

I did my usual chanting, meditation, yoga today and left for work. AfShe was irritable today.

I just wish I could do something to ease the anxiety. I spent some time with Twi today. We were generally gossipping.

I'll chant now, eat my dinner and head to bed. To a day of feeling better tomorrow!

I am feeling:

Mildly anxious

Happy

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9 pm

Journal 7.23 pm 24.6.2026 a dream of Arun

Dear Journal,

I had a dream early in the morning that Arun is faced with poverty. That got me really worried. I woke up at 8.30.

I had a cigarette and then settled to chant and pray for him. I did my meditation for 9 minutes and a few yogasanas. Then of course I asked ChatGpt what the dream could mean.

ChatGpt said that the dream means that I feel Arun is lacking in something and not necessarily that he is faced with challenging times.

Despite that all through the day I wondered how Arun is.

Work was good. I need to convert some calls. I don't know why that is not happening.  I need to be more persuasive.

Then after lunch I messaged Arun. He said he is fine and is in Delhi. That eased my mind somewhat.

I left work at 6.

It rained all night but it didn't rain all day today even though it was cloudy and cool.

Now I'll sit and chant and then spend time checking my emails and write my novel.

There is less fatigue after work now because the weather is supportive.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Stable

Full of love

Sweet

Clean after my bath

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

7.31 pm

Journal 8.57 pm on 23.6 2026 a one on one with SeeDhi

Dear Journal,

I woke up around 8. I saw a dream where many luxury cars were parked in line and I think Buro was talking to me. I woke up rather late.

I dillydallied a bit. It was raining!

I then did my chanting, meditation and a few asanas. I didnt pack lunch today because DuMa hadnt come for three days.

Then I wore my mauve FabIndia dress and headed out. I got a 221 easily with place to sit. There was a rude lady on the bus who I came face to face with in an argument. But I decided to keep silent. No point spoiling one's mood early in the morning.

Anyway Ma is always cortisol-driven angsty in the morning.

I reached work around 11.15. I worked non-stop till about 5 with a half an hour break in between. I left after 5.30 but AfShe was adamant that I stick around till 6. I will from tomorrow. I generally avoid confrontations.  Confrontations are not cool.

I came home all hot and sticky.

I had chorchori, fish curry and badiyan ki sabzi for drunch. (Early dinner).

Then i washed my face and applied a little moisturiser, kajal and lipstick and stepped out to meet SeeDhi.

It was so good seeing her after a long time! We spoke for almost an hour. I felt rejuvenated talking to her. She takes a purposefully pessimistic view of life. She told me that me and her have nobody to look after us! Id rather not be so negative. However, she was bright and chirpy and was looking good.

She has had all her facial moles removed and is looking so much younger.

Frankly, I'm feeling much better than same time yesterday.

Im back home now. I had a warm bath. Now I'll chant a bit and sit on my laptop for about an hour. I'm sure I'll sleep peacefully today.

Me and SeeDhi discussed Malvika. SeeDhi told me about Malvika's issues. People have so many problems! I must transform my financial karma.

SeeDhi also told me that I should find someone.

A job that pays a little is still better than having no job at all. So Im really grateful for work!

I am feeling:

Slightly tired

Happy

Loving

Peaceful

Bright and alert

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.13 pm

Journal 8.52 pm 22.6.2026 this is how it always starts these days

Dear Journal,

So I woke up rather late today and on a whim bunked work because I was running late.

I chanted, meditated, did a few asanas and then I settled into job hunting.

Then I lay down after lunch and almost fell asleep.

Then I decided to listen to some music to feel good. I wasnt feeling too good. I switched on some Enya. I shifted the playlist after that to Pink Floyd's High Hopes. And that song triggered it.

This feeling that God is communicating with me. And that is the beginning of all the madness for me these days. Why do I feel this way sometimes?

We had a nice Wd meeting at home which I attended. And Im feeling sombre.

Love,

Me.

Journal 5.37 pm 21.6.2026 slept all day

Dear Journal,

I literally slept all day.

Last night I chanted for about half an hour with a break with my new prayer beads.

I woke up around 9.15. I chanted and meditated, had a bath and fell right off to sleep.

I woke up for lunch. I had chicken keema with rice, curd and a mango.

I then dosed off. Twi said she doesnt want to go for the show. So here I am with myself.

There was a mild missing of Arun.

I made tea for Ma and me. I'll chant now and check some mails.

I am feeling:

Sleepy

Happy

Hopeful

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

5 42 pm

Ps: I chanted for over 30 minutes and I feel good. It's good to be able to sleep all day. I even went and took a walk.

I am grateful for my beautiful home with its wonderful amenities, for the abundance of good fortune and good luck, for the abundance of money and food in my life.

I am grateful for all my possessions.

I am grateful for all the lovely relationships in my life.

Love,

Me.

8.09 pm

Journal 9.20 pm 20.6.2026 a mild panic attack

Dear Journal,

It all started with last night's dream staying on my mind and thoughts of missing Arun and the state of my life right now and here I am feeling a sense of panic.

DeJh was supposed to meet me at 3.30 but he comfortably arrived at 6.30. We went to the beach and had a cup of coffee each.

It must be that and the heat that has left me feeling thus.

I slept till 10 am today. I did a little bit of yoga, chanted and meditated. Then I simply relaxed.

I spent time listening to music. The new Enigma albums are simply too good. I watched videos especially by Deepak Chopra.

DeJh told me that he doesnt believe in manifestation. I do. Not as in manifestation works but as in what you expect you get.

Im feeling a little panicky about the future. The coffee wont let me sleep.

Ive had a few cigarettes. Wont smoke more.

I met Twi downstairs. She was her sedate self.

I also bumped into Suma who gave me my prayer beads. I'll chant now and try and get some sleep.

I am feeling:

Happy

Missing Arun

Slightly panicky 

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.27 pm