Journal 10.46 pm on 14.9.2026 my visualisations

Dear Journal,

I love switching off my light at night and visualising as I meditate. For the past few days Ive been visualising Arun as a child to connect with his inner child.

Today I took the exercise a notch further and visualised Ma, Pa, Buo and Sadhya too as children. It brought me to tears seeing Ma and Pa as children. I really love my parents.

I made a schedule today after a long time. But watching the episodic Buddh was what took up my time. I didnt go to AstAro's place.

This whole meditation exercise was spurred by my dream in the morning where I dreamt that I hate Buo. I dont want to feel any hatred towards him. I love him.

I even bantered with Arun a bit. I spent some time with Twi. And Ma fought with me.

It's been a general ordinary day and Im grateful for it.

I am grateful that Arun has become more responsive.

I am grateful that my parents are in good health.

I am grateful that today I had food, today I had shelter and today I had money to spend.

I am grateful to teach Madhav. Ill do the Alice... text with him tomorrow.

I am feeling:

Cold with the ac.

Happy

Loving

Missing Arun

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me 

10.55 pm

Journal 12.39 pm on 14.9 2026 I learn so much

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream in the morning where I hate Buro in my dream. I dont hate him in reality. In life I love him the most. I wonder what the dream means.

Madhav delayed his class by 15 minutes today. I asked him to prepare a speech motivating students in his old school.

He said that Discipline is the key to success and to keep trying even after failing. He read my mind. He spoke about making a schedule and sticking to it.

I learn so much from my students! I am going to make a schedule today after years. I told him that his thoughts motivated me. He told me that he learnt the value of discipline from his parents. His parents are divorced.

I wonder how Arun is coping by himself. I really kind of miss him.

I had malai sandwich for breakfast today with a cup of tea. Then Ill take a bath, meditate and make a schedule.

I am feeling:

Horrified at my dream

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

12.47 pm

Ps: I was watching a video yesterday where someone explained that infidelity has become more normalised these days. Why but? She said that wives these days refuse to leave their husbands after proven infidelity. That is so sad!

1.30 pm

Journal 10.36 pm on 13.9.2026 I spoke to Arun

Dear Journal,

I spoke to Arun today for a bit. He is sho sho sho cute. I asked him if it's alright that I want to keep in touch with him to which he said he doesnt know. Now what does that mean?

I woke up close to 1 today. I remember seeing myself walking through a field in my dream.

We had chingdi maacher malai curry with rice and icecream for lunch.

Then I kind of lay down. I spent time online. PinCha called asking for something. He was beating about the bush. And I told him Im not going to date him. I told him im not in a space to entertain him that way. I really am not. And I dont want any odd guy calling me up and asking for such things.

The time from 4 to 6 today is hazy. I guess I was on my phone.

The highlight of the day was talking to Arun.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

10.43 pm

Walk through fields

I am walking through a green expanse

That is dense and lush and grown

And soothing winds show me real

That for me prosperity is shown.

You bear a son, you bare a figure

Simple with calculations fraught 

And in my life honey comes in mixtures

As a smooth zangy draught.

I have taught her well, oh very well

And dont you think you should me pay?

And before Im back from tilling land

With my feet, love has what has stayed.

It's beautiful to see mustard fields,

It's wonderful to be wealthy,

It's wonderful to walk with stealth,

To be very very healthy.

Journal 1 09 pm on 13.9 2026 a dream

Dear Journal, 

I had a dream that KarenF from Xaviers is pregnant and is planning a photo shoot with her husband.

It's EXACTLY 1 11.

Then I saw myself tutoring my younger sister and asking my dad for tuition fees which he agrees to pay me. I dont really have a younger sister in reality.

Then in some time i woke up.

I went to sleep around 3 am last night. I woke just a while ago. 

I am feeling:

Loving

Happy

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

1 15 pm

Ps: In my dream I saw these beautiful fields that I was walking through. They looked like mustard fields.

Journal 8.28 pm on 12.9.2026 Spent sleeping

Dear Journal,

I slept at night close to 14 hours! I saw a series of sequences of dreams but they are not clear in my memory at the moment.

Then I went down for yoga and had dal rice and fish curry for lunch.

Pa left to meet his friends around 4.30. I urged him to wear a nice shirt but he wore a red t shirt with trousers.

Ma came back from her kitty. Ive started a visualisation exercise for 30 minutes each day and things are moving in that direction.

I spent some time talking to an ai astrologer. Then I chanted for 30 minutes, messaged Arun who said he is out and here I am.

I might sit and meditate again instead of chanting.

Hope SeeDhi's birthday and DiPan's performance goes well. I feel so bright and alert at night.

I am feeling:

Slightly sweaty

Happy

Alert

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

8.34 pm

Letter to Arun 2.47 pm on 12.9.2026 a letter about nothing

Dear Alun,

My cutest, my sweetest, my most adorable.

This is a letter about nothing in particular. It's just a letter because Im missing you so inordinately.

I do love you-- you should know that. You are most loveable and Im missing you a lot. I wish I could call you up. But that would mean disturbing you, especially since you told me that youll be busy this weekend.

I fantasize kissing your nose and smelling your nose. I miss you and I love you.

Love,

Doel.

2.51 pm