Journal 8.54 pm on 6.7 2026 i am worthy

Dear Journal,

I'm feeling the strange ringing sensation in my ears again. Psha just left after a meeting and I don't know what is causing me to feel so anxious. Actually, there could be many reasons but I can't fathom any off the top of my head.

I woke up in the morning at 7.48 and went right back to sleep till 9.18. I've been really enjoying my sleep. I saw Ma off and went right back to sleep.

I woke up with a sad feeling in my heart. I was unable to recollect my dream in the morning.

I had to kind of force myself to chant at 10 for Bondona's relay. I chanted for some half an hour.

Then Ma came home. There was fish curry rice for lunch prepared by DuMa. I believe Modelley was rude to Pa over the phone. She hasn't been coming for the past two days.

After lunch Ma and I chanted for another half an hour where she corrected my diction and my pronunciation. It was a time well-spent.

Then I generally waited for Psha to come.

She was chirpy as always but through the daimoku she burst into tears.

She has been having Mil problems. She often talks about grappling with envy and jealousy.

We studied from the artist's division handbook. She told me that it's so obvious that I have a high Iq and a high Eq-- that I'm so blessed. That was very sweet of her.

I don't know if I was able to adequately give her support as tears rolled down her cheeks. I tried. I told her that our thoughts come and go and so do our feelings accordingly and it's what we allow to breed in our hearts that remains.

I also thought about Arun today. I don't know what to say about that.

I have my prayers and then I have life to deal with.

I think I'll start job hunting again from tomorrow.

I am feeling:

A heaviness in my throat.

Loving. It's been a while since my heart has expanded with love.

Reasonably happy with a tinge of sadness.

Missing Arun.

The strange dizzy giddy ear ringing feeling.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9 09 pm

Journal 8.55 pm on 5.7 2026 a hazy day that went by in a blimp

Dear Journal,

I am again experiencing that strange ringing in my ears. It's accompanied with feeling a little distressed. Everytime I feel this way I find that Ma has a similar expression to mine on her face. I wish I wasnt feeling this way.

I woke up today at 9. I remember seeing a dream but I dont remember the details. I just remember AbdulAli giving me a gift at a spot where there once stood a building which was being rebuilt.

Even though I feel like smoking a cigarette to overcome this dizzy giddy feeling I am not going to go down.

We had our dpm at 11 at Uma Dogra's place. I battled the torrential rains and sharp winds and got there only to learn that the meeting had been cancelled.

Anyhow I stayed back and chanted for about 40 minutes. 

I then took a rickshaw back home. Umaji was kind enough to make me, Psha and Dipan a cup of tea each. Without that I was feeling so inordinately drowsy.

I came home and Ma was with Vaishali Pancholi. After she got out of that meeting, Ma and I sat and studied and chanted. I chanted for another 30 minutes. 

Lunch was sambar rice with macher deemer bora. It was all so yum.

Then what did I do? It's all so hazy! I think at some point I chatted with DeJh and I pretty much went about idling about on my phone. The details are sketchy in my mind.

DeJh told me about some Jain mantra to chant. Well. And again he was proselytizing which is so bugging for me. I told him that.

Then at 6 I chanted for about an hour and then again for another 10 minutes.

Qudsiya just called! I spoke to her and saw her new house! I love her so much!

I think I'll help Ma out in the kitchen and then go to sleep.

It's been a long hazy day.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.25 pm

Journal 9 25 am 5.7 2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream with Pa and Shivshankaran uncle in it. I think they were talking about some groom for me. Then I saw AbdulAli at a spot where the building had been torn down offering me a gift (may be of cigarettes).

I woke up sharp at 9. I dont really remember the details of the dream.

I am feeling:

Heart hurt

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9 29 am

Journal 4.7 2026 6 47 pm I spoke to A!

Dear Journal,

I am so happy! I spoke to Arun for a longish time considering he has been giving me shorter calls.

From all that he told me I gathered that he is focused on his marriage and his work. He is inordinately busy. I so love him. 

I woke up at 11 am today from my aforementioned dream. I felt so lazy. I havent even bathed today. I just changed my clothes.

It's a wet wet day in Bombay and the city is under red alert.

I spent a lot of time on ChatGpt analysing birth charts. Firstly, our birth charts say that A and I are highly compatible. I don't know what to make of that.

DeJh wanted to come over but it rained so hard all day that he canned the plan. Even my student has canned class for tomorrow. 

I spent a really long time on ChatGpt today! Ate biryani!! And spoke to Arun!!! From a flimsy day this has become a good day.

I made ada cha for Ma and me.

Tomorrow is our world peace Gongyo and Daimoku.

I think I'll chant now for about half an hour. I'm holed up at home. It's funny how our prayers are answered! 

I am feeling:

Smelly

Happy

Full of love and loving

Hopeful despite a dull day

There is a fly bugging me right now.

Oh Buro and Sadhya came home to arrange the honey! I spent some time with them! I love the two of them so.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life. 

I am grateful for food, shelter, work and money. 

I am grateful for relationships of mutual trust, mutual love and mutual respect.

I am so so so inordinately grateful that Arun and I are on talking terms.

Here is to a better evening.

Love,

Me.

7.01 pm

Journal 4.7.2026 11.33 am a dream

Dear Journal,

I had a dream where I am in school and JayPand SoPand's husband has died and my own partner is acting like JayPand. I take something to eat from the canteen and Im eating it and the canteen is empty but I want Chipniks (the tomato flavoured one).

Finally a man comes and says there is no Chipniks. My partner asks me if it's alright that he us acting liks JayPand and I tell him 'No. JayPand is SoPand's husband.' I dont get the Chipniks and I wake up.

What does this dream mean?

I am feeling:

Drowsy from the gloomy abundant rain.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life. 

Love;

Me.

11.37 am

Journal 10.07 pm on 3.7 2026 an okay day

Dear Journal,

It's pouring cats and dogs here in Bombay! It rained all day.

After a lunch of khichuri and prawns I sat and applied to jobs with Tarot websites. Let's see what works out. 

I even went to meet Dr Shinde who heard me out.

Im feeling much better than same time yesterday.

Now I'll chant and sleep.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

Stable

Precious

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life!

Love,

Me.

10 11 pm

Journal 2 10 pm on 3.7 2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

Not a day goes by without me thinking about Arun.

I had tandoori chicken last night. I got such a craving that I ordered half for myself.

I woke up in the morning at 9.43 from a dream. I saw that a particular lady (whom I dont know in reality) offered me a job as a Tarot consultant.

I have been praying for a kosen rufu work from home job offering me a certain amount of money per month. May be this is my mind's way of saying I should focus on Tarot readings.

I'm taking my pills each day. And I feel nore stable.

Ashish came home to talk to Ma and Pa in the morning.

I spent the morning on Renaissance Tarot and Sweet Soul Tarot channels.

I walked around and have smoked 3 cigarettes till now. Pa took me to the bank where I deposited my cheque.

I'm so happy that the stint with AfShe is over. I wonder how Arun is. I still love him so very much.

I think I'll chant now and apply to some Tarot channels.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

Activated

May be if writing is not meant to be, I should focus on Tarot. In this age of artificial intelligence writing as a job is seeing a slow death.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

2 21 pm