Letter to Arun 2.54 pm on 9.9.2026 my dearest, my babiest

My dearest, cutest, sweetest and babiest Arun,

My deepest desire today is to give you a huge plop on your cheeks and click pictures as I do that.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY babe... I love you!

I wont write in this letter about my life. May be some other day. Im facing a lot of strife at home just these days. My mother's rage is getting out of hand and violent and toxic. And it's all directed at me.

So there is a lot of grief in my heart and my heart feels heavy. But under such circumstances we exchanged messages! That just made my day.

A bite on your nose and lots and lots of kisses and hugs for you everyday.

Love,

Doel

2.58 pm

Happy birthday

It's a wonderful day today,

It is your very happy birthday

And my heart is hurt slightly

Because you are so far away.

On this day you were born

A whole 55 years ago,

You wisdom with brawn

So beautiful all aglow.

I wish you the best life,

I wish you happiness each day,

I wish you zero strife

And wishes answered on this day.

When you cut your cake

Remember me so sound,

Because nothing is at stake

Because what comes around, goes around.

Make a thousand beautiful dreams

Happen in life's wondrous way,

I wish you a very happy birthday once again!  And all your dreams soar up and away!

Letter to God 12.50 pm on 9.9.2026 Give Arun the happiest life

Dear God,

It's Arun's birthday today! And he thanked me! That makes my gloom dissipate a little. I love love love my Arun, like from the bottom of my being.

Give him the best day ever Oh God! Give him the best life! And I want him to be a part of my life's journey.

Let today be a good day for me too oh God! It's Arun's birthday! It's a happy day!

Dont let Ma fight with me today. Give me respect oh God from all quarters. And make me wealthy and rich, like really really stinking rich!

Let me de independent oh God! Let me never have to depend on anyone!

Youve told me to chant each day. And I do that.

Im feeling so listless and unmotivated like there is a huge burden on my heart. That's what grief feels like.

God I want to talk to Arun over the phone and hear his voice. Can you make that happen?

God: There are many things to see and many things to learn but more than that right now it's about how will you earn. I shower you with blessings, I shower you with joy and I feel that youve become oh so coy! May happiness be your name, may love be your soul and on this day, Arun's birthday I make you whole!

Thank you so much oh God for your blessings!

I love you,

Me.

1.01 pm

Journal 9 02 am on 9.9.2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

I had a dream that me and a bunch of other kids are going to study in a school far away and we need money.

There is a lake or something. And one of the boys dips in and starts swimming. And he tells me that he needs to send Rs 10 lakh home every year so he has to earn money.

I tell him that I need money too and all of us can make things out of coconut shells and earn money.

Then I take an empty coconut shell and keep thinking what to do with it. The empty coconut shell's interior is covered with haldi and oil as if something had been cooked in it. And I start applying this mix on my face. Then I woke up!

I hope Arun has a fantastic day today.

I am feeling:

Slightly gloomy

Groggy

Happy

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9 08 am

Help!

I sat by the seaside feeling oh so forlorn

Wondering which chapter from life's book had been torn,

What I wondered were the lessons to be learnt

So that Im never again slashed and burnt. 

Ive made a habit out of blessing all

Even as life is just as funny as Lucile Ball.

It's a special time in my life

When I have connected with the higher divine. 

I have so many friends who love me and are concerned

That again and again I wont be slashed and burnt!

Help me give up all habits harmful

As my chalice you keep always full!

Surround me with loving friends,

Newer forays and by the bends

Give me courage and hope!

Letter to God 10.37 pm on 8 9 2026 you are my best friend

Dear God,

You are my best friend. You ease my mind during troubled times and I can ask things of you. You are wonderful!

Let me be able to wish Arun! Let him be happy to receive my messages, make him super happy!

Give me love, oh God! A whole lot of love! And let Ma respect me... let her not talk the way she does to me. Make her like the kindest and sweetest person in the whole world! Make her realise that talking sweetly is not a weakness!

Let my class tomorrow go really well.

Shower me with your blessings and Grace in each moment dear God!

Let me sing praises in your name!

I love you. And Im your child! Make me super wealthy and yet tell me who my true friends are.

Give me stupendous success!

Guide me oh God ever onward towards you! Give me love and happiness. Give me absolute happiness and absolute love, the kind that cant be diminished by external circumstances. 

You are just like the best thing thats ever happened to me oh God!

Guide me every step of the way oh God!

And you are one entity that really doesnt need my prayers but since I pray for everyone, I wish the whole world praises you!

Love,

Me 

10.50 pm

Letter to God 9.47 pm on 8.9 2026 please relieve me of this suffering

Dear God,

Today PaPa came to meet me. I also spoke to Twi, SeeDhi and DiPan.

Ma should really not behave this way with me. It's unacceptable. She shows such uncontrollable rage and everybody supports her. That's also not acceptable.

I am not going to talk to her.

If I really think about it God, she has never shown me any respect. Ever since I was small.

And about Arun. He is also like Ma. Even he has rage and says cruel things.

So God, this coming time why dont you choose someone nice for me, someone to love, someone to care for. And make that the final guy-- the one Ill end up with.

Today I told PaPa Im asexual and that I dont kiss men. Despite that he hit on me.

God, please relieve me of this suffering. Please give me an easier life emotionally. Give me respect, honour and infinite love.

I say a lot of things, I do a lot of things but when I pray I always do so most benevolently, I shower blessings on all those I pray for.

Im sure Ma shows rage in school too.

I dont hate my mother but sometimes I almost say I do. She is a very difficult person to love. Why would anybody be affectionate with her? She has physically and emotionally abused me all my life. She has caused me maximum pain.

Give me love dearest God. It was really nice talking to Twi today. She told me how she feels sad when she compares her life to other people.

I dont want to hate anybody. I dont want to be bitter. And I think now from Arun's birthday I'll pray to let him go. All I need to really do is cut the cord.

Dear God, dont give me another unavailable man to love... no married men for me for sure. But I really want love oh God. Someone to talk to, someone to share with, someone to be intimate with, someone who will love me far more than I love them.

The thing that I want the most oh God is love, then I want money, then happiness, then good health, then Grace, then Mercy. Shine your bountiful blessings on me oh God! Repair my life! Make me worthy of your love and Grace!

Make me the worthiest! And choose me over all your children!

Love,

Me.

10.11 pm