Journal 8.55 pm on 5.7 2026 a hazy day that went by in a blimp

Dear Journal,

I am again experiencing that strange ringing in my ears. It's accompanied with feeling a little distressed. Everytime I feel this way I find that Ma has a similar expression to mine on her face. I wish I wasnt feeling this way.

I woke up today at 9. I remember seeing a dream but I dont remember the details. I just remember AbdulAli giving me a gift at a spot where there once stood a building which was being rebuilt.

Even though I feel like smoking a cigarette to overcome this dizzy giddy feeling I am not going to go down.

We had our dpm at 11 at Uma Dogra's place. I battled the torrential rains and sharp winds and got there only to learn that the meeting had been cancelled.

Anyhow I stayed back and chanted for about 40 minutes. 

I then took a rickshaw back home. Umaji was kind enough to make me, Psha and Dipan a cup of tea each. Without that I was feeling so inordinately drowsy.

I came home and Ma was with Vaishali Pancholi. After she got out of that meeting, Ma and I sat and studied and chanted. I chanted for another 30 minutes. 

Lunch was sambar rice with macher deemer bora. It was all so yum.

Then what did I do? It's all so hazy! I think at some point I chatted with DeJh and I pretty much went about idling about on my phone. The details are sketchy in my mind.

DeJh told me about some Jain mantra to chant. Well. And again he was proselytizing which is so bugging for me. I told him that.

Then at 6 I chanted for about an hour and then again for another 10 minutes.

Qudsiya just called! I spoke to her and saw her new house! I love her so much!

I think I'll help Ma out in the kitchen and then go to sleep.

It's been a long hazy day.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.25 pm

Journal 9 25 am 5.7 2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream with Pa and Shivshankaran uncle in it. I think they were talking about some groom for me. Then I saw AbdulAli at a spot where the building had been torn down offering me a gift (may be of cigarettes).

I woke up sharp at 9. I dont really remember the details of the dream.

I am feeling:

Heart hurt

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9 29 am

Journal 4.7 2026 6 47 pm I spoke to A!

Dear Journal,

I am so happy! I spoke to Arun for a longish time considering he has been giving me shorter calls.

From all that he told me I gathered that he is focused on his marriage and his work. He is inordinately busy. I so love him. 

I woke up at 11 am today from my aforementioned dream. I felt so lazy. I havent even bathed today. I just changed my clothes.

It's a wet wet day in Bombay and the city is under red alert.

I spent a lot of time on ChatGpt analysing birth charts. Firstly, our birth charts say that A and I are highly compatible. I don't know what to make of that.

DeJh wanted to come over but it rained so hard all day that he canned the plan. Even my student has canned class for tomorrow. 

I spent a really long time on ChatGpt today! Ate biryani!! And spoke to Arun!!! From a flimsy day this has become a good day.

I made ada cha for Ma and me.

Tomorrow is our world peace Gongyo and Daimoku.

I think I'll chant now for about half an hour. I'm holed up at home. It's funny how our prayers are answered! 

I am feeling:

Smelly

Happy

Full of love and loving

Hopeful despite a dull day

There is a fly bugging me right now.

Oh Buro and Sadhya came home to arrange the honey! I spent some time with them! I love the two of them so.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life. 

I am grateful for food, shelter, work and money. 

I am grateful for relationships of mutual trust, mutual love and mutual respect.

I am so so so inordinately grateful that Arun and I are on talking terms.

Here is to a better evening.

Love,

Me.

7.01 pm

Journal 4.7.2026 11.33 am a dream

Dear Journal,

I had a dream where I am in school and JayPand SoPand's husband has died and my own partner is acting like JayPand. I take something to eat from the canteen and Im eating it and the canteen is empty but I want Chipniks (the tomato flavoured one).

Finally a man comes and says there is no Chipniks. My partner asks me if it's alright that he us acting liks JayPand and I tell him 'No. JayPand is SoPand's husband.' I dont get the Chipniks and I wake up.

What does this dream mean?

I am feeling:

Drowsy from the gloomy abundant rain.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life. 

Love;

Me.

11.37 am

Journal 10.07 pm on 3.7 2026 an okay day

Dear Journal,

It's pouring cats and dogs here in Bombay! It rained all day.

After a lunch of khichuri and prawns I sat and applied to jobs with Tarot websites. Let's see what works out. 

I even went to meet Dr Shinde who heard me out.

Im feeling much better than same time yesterday.

Now I'll chant and sleep.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

Stable

Precious

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life!

Love,

Me.

10 11 pm

Journal 2 10 pm on 3.7 2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

Not a day goes by without me thinking about Arun.

I had tandoori chicken last night. I got such a craving that I ordered half for myself.

I woke up in the morning at 9.43 from a dream. I saw that a particular lady (whom I dont know in reality) offered me a job as a Tarot consultant.

I have been praying for a kosen rufu work from home job offering me a certain amount of money per month. May be this is my mind's way of saying I should focus on Tarot readings.

I'm taking my pills each day. And I feel nore stable.

Ashish came home to talk to Ma and Pa in the morning.

I spent the morning on Renaissance Tarot and Sweet Soul Tarot channels.

I walked around and have smoked 3 cigarettes till now. Pa took me to the bank where I deposited my cheque.

I'm so happy that the stint with AfShe is over. I wonder how Arun is. I still love him so very much.

I think I'll chant now and apply to some Tarot channels.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

Activated

May be if writing is not meant to be, I should focus on Tarot. In this age of artificial intelligence writing as a job is seeing a slow death.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

2 21 pm

Journal 9.46 pm on 2.7.2026 a confusing day

Dear Journal,

I distinctly remember seeing a dream in the morning that SayDas was in my dream explaining to someone (mostly Krao) that something (may be cigarettes) is my coping mechanism.

I woke up in the morning and was all gung ho to quit cigarettes so I had a cola. I had five colas and eight cigarettes through the day.

I did not chant or do yoga in the morning in stead I meditated. I was feeling so restless.

Work was good. I stayed away from my phone and got quite a few leads.

However, AfShe was pretty itritable and said something like I dont know how to speak English. AfShe who cant write a single phrase in English properly! In the same breath he argued that I should think of teaching English at his institute and he asked me how much pay I would want. Stupid guy! I asked him to pay me my dues and he did and I told him I'm not coming back. I think it's good riddance.

I came home to Ma watching reels on her phone.

DeePan and AstAro came home and we chanted. BEore that GaMo and NimNa came home for Ma.

Deepan explained the spirit of contribution and how our Sgi magazine started.

All evening I felt a ringing in my ears as if I was about to start hallucinating. It left me feeling so disturbed!

AstAro asked me to challenge something in my prayers.  After the whole meeting I want to chant more.

Now I think I'll take a bath and chant.

May I quit smoking cigarettes.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Better after writing this entry. The ringing in my ears has stopped.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.58 pm