Journal 8.29 pm on 17.7 2026 quit day

Dear Journal,

I've set my quit date as tomorrow. It turns out I smoke because of boredom and loneliness.

Tomorrow Ma and I plan to go to Phoenix Marketcity to the Zara store to avail of my voucher.

Yesterday I sent a presumptuous message to Arun. I really miss him. I wonder what he feels about my feelings for him.

Melon and Kat are home.

It's so hot. It was gloomy all day but it barely rained. It's 8.33 at the moment.

I think I'll chant a bit and then eat dinner and sleep. It's so beautiful to see Melon and Kit relaxing.

You know Arun still calls me Baby everytime we talk. I find that so endearing.

I WILL NOT SMOKE. I AM FREE OF THE ADDICTION OF SMOKING. I AM A FREE BIRD.

I am feeling:

Happy

Feet dirty

Loving

Bored

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

8.37 pm

Reasons to quit smoking 6.55 pm on 17.7.2026

- I want to be sober

- I want to be free of addiction

- I want good health

- I want to save money

- I want to be sober like Ma

- I want better skin and better looks

- I want better breath

- I want better body odour

- I want inclusiveness at my place of work

- I want better lung and heart health

- I want to quit smoking to save time

Journal 4.06 pm on 17.7 2026 what do I want

Dear Journal,

Today I woke up from a dream where I was smoking in a park. The morning went in the SIR registration.

Then I watched some videos on YouTube amongst which was a Ted Talk about asking yourself the question What Do I Want?

So I asked myself the question.

The answers that came to mind:

I want money.

I want to quit smoking.

I want to inspire and motivate people.

I want to be famous.

I want Arun.

Asking yourself this question is so important. I would never have realised that I want to inspire and motivate people. This gives me far more clarity.

I am feeling:

Motivated

Happy

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite Iove, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

4.13 pm

One small action I can take towards what I want:

I want money. -- Repair my laptop and apply for wfh jobs.

I want to quit smoking.-- JUST STOP

I want to inspire and motivate people. -- Cherish each life in front of me

I want to be famous.-- Do work that brings recognition

I want Arun.-- stay in touch

5.11 pm

Journal 10.44 pm on 16.7.2026 affirmations

Dear Journal,

Today was spent going up and down preparing documents for SIR.

I spent the day reading up on affirmations. I smoked a little. I even spoke to Arun.

It's been a sober day. I bumped into Veronica, a devout Christian.

Tomorrow better be more fruitful.

I am feeling:

Good

Pumped up with colas

I really want to stop smoking.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

10.48 pm

Two idiots in love

The road was straight ahead

With orchard groves of trees

And you stopped to get me gooseberries

To be savoured succulently.

Many passersby stopped to ask

What I was munching

Where should I start

And I hailed the cab of life

Spearheaded by my dapperest guy.

You held out your hand to me

And I must say quite piquantly

That having you by my side

Meant that I could conquer the world!

I was so shame-faced by my past

As accolade upon accolade 

Dressed up my bar

And I gave the winning speech

In my gown

Not crying, without a frown.

The road was bumpy ahead

And many hailed the cab

In your stead

But the chiefly reserved spot

I kept for you

So that you could change

In and hop on two by two.

We looked pretty a couple of

Idiots in love,

Held fast and long

By a hand above

And surely as you know

The baker made buns

And the butcher a stew

And very soon

We were at the feast of life

Two idiots in love

Without strife.

Journal 11 21 am on 16.7.2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

Ma's birthday went quite well. Buo and Pa had a spat but all in all it was good with home food.

I woke up from a dream in the morning that I was talking to Shraddha Oza about her new baby. And then I drive a rickshaw with Shraddha Oza sitting in the passenger seat.

A white car grooves by turning, nearly missing my rickshaw. Then a lady tells Shraddha why arent you talking about other things and I tell the lady that Shraddha has a twin brother.

And then at some point after dwelling on the word twin I woke up.

I am feeling:

Happy

It's so funny how the feeling of love just disappears. Love then must be consistency.

I woke up in the morning and had three cigarettes. Then I chanted for half an hour.

I'll chant for another half an hour now.

I'll eat my breakfast and bathe and chant.

Love,

Me.

11.27 am

Journal 8 42 pm on 15.7 2026 my prayers

Dear Journal;

It's my shona Ma's birthday today! She is looking so sweet and regal. She had a wd study meet today. She is wearing a purple and golden saree and her hair looks long.

Many people when in deadlock have resorted to chanting.  I chanted for 90 minutes yesterday and 100 minutes today. I can go it some more.

I'm feeling really intimidated by the tall order that Metaporphose has put on me. I must live up to their expectations! Till a kosen rufu work from home job comes up I have to stick to this Monday routine.

Amongst other things I'm chanting for a kosen rufu friendship to blossom between me and Arun, for a kosen rufu work from home job, for my loved ones' long life and good health and to quit smoking. Im also praying for other people.

The other day AstAro told me that I must chant for unlimited self esteem. She even shared a study with me. So I've started praying for that along with my vow. They say not one prayer to the Lotus Sutra goes unanswered. I dont ever want to feel so deadlocked over money ever! Im also praying for a prosperous existence.

Bu and Sady are yet to arrive! The birthday celebrations have to kick off. I hope to quit smoking. I bumped into Bha and Twi downstairs. I'm feeling happy and in high life condition.

I am feeling:

Lucky

Happy

Loving

Pretty in my new pink dress

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

8.53 pm

Ps: I went for a pedicure today. I dreamt in the morning that I am applying black nailpolish on my finger nails. I have never applied black nailpolish in reality.