Journal 9.35 pm on 30.9.2026 I slept

Dear Journal,

I woke up close to 10 and saw that Madhav cancelled today's lecture. But Tejal wanted to meet me.

So I drank my lemon juice and ate a kachori and met her. She said that she is slightly concerned about the syllabus. I dont know what to say. Im trying my best.

I dont remember the dream in the morning. I again dosed off till 2. I dont remember those dreams too.

Then I got ready and left for Metamorph. I taught Tarini, Aarya, and my 8th Grade except Lakshit.

I felt a leaving of Arun from my heart like I'm not so hung up by him. I actually dont like being a teacher.

But despite that I told myself that I should count my blessings. Things could have been far worse. I should be happy and I should celebrate my happiness.

I am feeling:

Sweaty

Reasonably happy

Stable

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.44 pm

Journal 29.9.2026 10.07 pm Ma is so manipulative

Dear Journal, 

I dont want to go to Goa to meet mashi and Mesho. They treat me very badly, especially Mashi.

I had an okay sort of day today.

I went to meet SeeDhi. I find women to be so manipulative.

I am feeling:

Happy

Sleepy

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

10.10 pm

Journal 29.9.2026 4 31 pm A sliver of a dream

Dear Journal,

I remember a tiny speck of a sliver of my dream. I dreamt that I was whatsapping Arun something about tomatoes and looked for the smiley of a tomato to send him. I find the smiley and send it to him.

Arun is sho cute. Each night I imagine myself hugging him as I fall asleep. I dont think Ill ever stop loving him.

I have to go to Metamorph tomorrow.

I am going to prepare well today.

Im feeling so deeply in love with Arun. He is shuch a cutie pie. I love him.

I am feeling:

Deeply in love

Happy

Need a bath

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

4.35 pm

Journal 9.15 pm on 28.9.2026 just like that

Dear Journal,

Just like that Arun's birth month is coming to a close. I'm feeling high strung again-- a little yearning for Arun, my ears ringing and feeling like God is trying to tell me something. I dont know why I feel this way sometimes.

I pulled through another Monday! The students are so naughty. And like Ruchita observed they take me for granted.

I hope they score good marks.

I hope Arya and Kshiraja are growing and Danika and gang are learning. The esl students cancelled class today so I'm home early.

I treated Deetya and Sani to vada pavs today over a bet I had with them. Arnav and Divyansh are such sweet boys. I really love these students.

Ive been asked to take extra lectures on Wednesday. I completely forgot about the ptm on Saturday and slept till 6 in the evening.

I dont remember my dream of this morning. Usually the dreams where Arun features slip my mind when I wake up. I wish I remembered even a glimmer of them.

Freud said that the sexual urge explains everything-- the vices and the virtues, the good, the bad, the ugly.

I really want to make love to Arun. But I cant. He is off limits!

Ma and Pa are not home yet. Theyve gone to get their specs fixed. Pa said that they are also going to the tailor after that.

Ive started writing a new gratitude journal. Ill sit with that now. Writing by hand is a must.

I am feeling:

High strung

Reasonably happy

Awake

Poetic

Grateful

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace,blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.29 pm

Journal 1.55 pm on 27.9.2026 my exam

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream in the morning that I'm with Buro in Shangrila A and Pa has died. But he has left behind recorded messages for Buro to hear.

Buro tells me in the dream that Pa is in the Maldives and has been calling him up. I see Pa's ghost. And also someone I love has also died in the dream-- not Arun but RPremC. I see his ghost too in the dream.

I woke up late and got ready for my exam.

The exam was so simple compared to last time. I hope I score 100 per cent marks. I could....

Now Ill chant and study for tomorrow.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Pretty

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

2 01 pm

Journal 6.36 pm on 26.9.2026 it's a full moon today

Dear Journal,

I woke up around 1.30, ate lunch and slept off till after 6.

I dont remember my dreams. I have my Buddhism exam tomorrow. I remember seeing in my dream that I have a warm relationship with Arun.

Ma and Pa are not at home.

I am feeling:

Happy

Groggy

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

6.40 pm

Paradise

Some people enter our lives

For a reason, a season, a time

And from them if you'd like it

You can never truly hide

And some day when it's blooming 

I hope our paths

Will again smoothly collide

And till then may the heavens

Rain on you absolutely

The joys of Paradise.