Journal 8.33 pm on 18.7 2026 situationship

Dear Journal,

It's been a while since someone has really seen me. There is a dearth of decent guys and the ones who are cute are taken. Like Arun for example!

I do love him. I still do. But he is married! And I dont want to go back to that situationship. He seems to love his wife. Love is such a dicey thing it seems. And from all his talk it seems that extramarital affairs are the norm.

Ma is in much better health.

I havent really chanted properly for the last two days. I also have to prepare for tomorrow's lecture.

Ive been sleeping so deeply that I dont hear the alarm in the morning. My days are just swooshing past.

My laptop is giving me a lot of trouble. I really hope to see it up and functioning.

I'll chant now and prepare for tomorrow's lecture.

I am feeling:

Heart full of love

Happy

Bored

Determined to quit smoking

Alone

I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

8.44 pm

Journal 4.04 pm on 18.7.2026 I need work

Dear Journal,

Last night I ordered chilly chicken for myself. Ive smoked 5 cigarettes today. I wont smoke no more.

Today I woke up around 8.30. By 11 both Ma and I were out of the house and on our way to Zara.

I bought two dresses, one top and a pair of trousers that I gave for alteration.

On the way back there was a really cute guy in the Metro. I've started checking guys out.

My life feels so empty.

I need to fix my laptop.

I am feeling:

Heart full of love.

Sombre.

Determined to quit smoking.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love, 

Me.

4.10 pm

Journal 8.29 pm on 17.7 2026 quit day

Dear Journal,

I've set my quit date as tomorrow. It turns out I smoke because of boredom and loneliness.

Tomorrow Ma and I plan to go to Phoenix Marketcity to the Zara store to avail of my voucher.

Yesterday I sent a presumptuous message to Arun. I really miss him. I wonder what he feels about my feelings for him.

Melon and Kat are home.

It's so hot. It was gloomy all day but it barely rained. It's 8.33 at the moment.

I think I'll chant a bit and then eat dinner and sleep. It's so beautiful to see Melon and Kit relaxing.

You know Arun still calls me Baby everytime we talk. I find that so endearing.

I WILL NOT SMOKE. I AM FREE OF THE ADDICTION OF SMOKING. I AM A FREE BIRD.

I am feeling:

Happy

Feet dirty

Loving

Bored

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

8.37 pm

Reasons to quit smoking 6.55 pm on 17.7.2026

- I want to be sober

- I want to be free of addiction

- I want good health

- I want to save money

- I want to be sober like Ma

- I want better skin and better looks

- I want better breath

- I want better body odour

- I want inclusiveness at my place of work

- I want better lung and heart health

- I want to quit smoking to save time

Journal 4.06 pm on 17.7 2026 what do I want

Dear Journal,

Today I woke up from a dream where I was smoking in a park. The morning went in the SIR registration.

Then I watched some videos on YouTube amongst which was a Ted Talk about asking yourself the question What Do I Want?

So I asked myself the question.

The answers that came to mind:

I want money.

I want to quit smoking.

I want to inspire and motivate people.

I want to be famous.

I want Arun.

Asking yourself this question is so important. I would never have realised that I want to inspire and motivate people. This gives me far more clarity.

I am feeling:

Motivated

Happy

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite Iove, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

4.13 pm

One small action I can take towards what I want:

I want money. -- Repair my laptop and apply for wfh jobs.

I want to quit smoking.-- JUST STOP

I want to inspire and motivate people. -- Cherish each life in front of me

I want to be famous.-- Do work that brings recognition

I want Arun.-- stay in touch

5.11 pm

Journal 10.44 pm on 16.7.2026 affirmations

Dear Journal,

Today was spent going up and down preparing documents for SIR.

I spent the day reading up on affirmations. I smoked a little. I even spoke to Arun.

It's been a sober day. I bumped into Veronica, a devout Christian.

Tomorrow better be more fruitful.

I am feeling:

Good

Pumped up with colas

I really want to stop smoking.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

10.48 pm

Two idiots in love

The road was straight ahead

With orchard groves of trees

And you stopped to get me gooseberries

To be savoured succulently.

Many passersby stopped to ask

What I was munching

Where should I start

And I hailed the cab of life

Spearheaded by my dapperest guy.

You held out your hand to me

And I must say quite piquantly

That having you by my side

Meant that I could conquer the world!

I was so shame-faced by my past

As accolade upon accolade 

Dressed up my bar

And I gave the winning speech

In my gown

Not crying, without a frown.

The road was bumpy ahead

And many hailed the cab

In your stead

But the chiefly reserved spot

I kept for you

So that you could change

In and hop on two by two.

We looked pretty a couple of

Idiots in love,

Held fast and long

By a hand above

And surely as you know

The baker made buns

And the butcher a stew

And very soon

We were at the feast of life

Two idiots in love

Without strife.