Dear Journal,
I fear not a thing in the world today. I have faced the worst. And yet I tread carefully and blithely because a broken heart is hard to mend.
People have called me mad and denounced me and nothing could be worse. But my self esteem and self belief are still intact and I know going ahead nothing can stop me.
Without the imaginary conversations I've written in this blog I would not have been able to tide through May 2026. I am happy with the art I've produced this year. I am not embarrassed of the videos I've uploaded on Facebook because they are an expression of my expressiveness.
Arun had called me some time last month. I will call him when my hurt heart has healed. I still love him dearly. What's not to love.
I want to read something. But nothing interests me. Might start Dorian Gray. (It's exactly 1 pm).
Ma has been unwell and she has been in a harsh mood.
When we don't get what we want which is quite a lot of the times in life instead of becoming despondent it's quite vital to look at the heart of the matter most logically and reasonably and try again. In the end it's about never giving up.
I love my father. He is such a noble gentleman.
The house is filled with honey. Yummy.
Today I woke up all alert at 5 41 am and in an hour it started to pour torrentially.
Ive been smoking far fewer cigarettes. In single digits. This is an end to my higheity on cigarettes into sobriety. Ive spent too much money on the idiotic urine stick.
Pa bought me the extra cool eucalyptus oil that burns. It's awesome.
Today I spent time looking for Remote working opportunities.
I want to be sobre. I want to be good.
The most important thing in life is good health. And more important than that is being realistic and kind-hearted.
I'm feeling good being sobre.
After spending hours online today I went towards Arun's building and took walks in the hot sun without cigarettes. I wish the pollution would ease.
Today a wood pelican with yellow eyes came to the window. I have been sighting strange birds. Must be the rains!
Before I could click a picture the bird flew away!
Now I think I will meditate for a bit and read Dorian Gray. Then I have a script idea... I'll toy with that or job hunt again.
It's so easy to be sobre. It's almost like you reach a tipping point and then you've had enough of the higheity.
I have been keeping mostly to myself. Yesterday I took a long walk into DMart and back and on my way back bumped into a dog with a broken leg and torn ear not for the first time. I've seen this dog many times. And I wish I could do something for it. My heart goes out to it. I so love this dog. It keeps coming to me and nudges me on my evening walks.
I wonder how Ayesha's exams went. I'll ask her this evening.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
I am feeling:
Happy
Dry skinned
Wet with sweat
High on tea
Full of love
1 20 pm ist
