Journal 4.7 2026 6 47 pm I spoke to A!

Dear Journal,

I am so happy! I spoke to Arun for a longish time considering he has been giving me shorter calls.

From all that he told me I gathered that he is focused on his marriage and his work. He is inordinately busy. I so love him. 

I woke up at 11 am today from my aforementioned dream. I felt so lazy. I havent even bathed today. I just changed my clothes.

It's a wet wet day in Bombay and the city is under red alert.

I spent a lot of time on ChatGpt analysing birth charts. Firstly, our birth charts say that A and I are highly compatible. I don't know what to make of that.

DeJh wanted to come over but it rained so hard all day that he canned the plan. Even my student has canned class for tomorrow. 

I spent a really long time on ChatGpt today! Ate biryani!! And spoke to Arun!!! From a flimsy day this has become a good day.

I made ada cha for Ma and me.

Tomorrow is our world peace Gongyo and Daimoku.

I think I'll chant now for about half an hour. I'm holed up at home. It's funny how our prayers are answered! 

I am feeling:

Smelly

Happy

Full of love and loving

Hopeful despite a dull day

There is a fly bugging me right now.

Oh Buro and Sadhya came home to arrange the honey! I spent some time with them! I love the two of them so.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life. 

I am grateful for food, shelter, work and money. 

I am grateful for relationships of mutual trust, mutual love and mutual respect.

I am so so so inordinately grateful that Arun and I are on talking terms.

Here is to a better evening.

Love,

Me.

7.01 pm

Journal 4.7.2026 11.33 am a dream

Dear Journal,

I had a dream where I am in school and JayPand SoPand's husband has died and my own partner is acting like JayPand. I take something to eat from the canteen and Im eating it and the canteen is empty but I want Chipniks (the tomato flavoured one).

Finally a man comes and says there is no Chipniks. My partner asks me if it's alright that he us acting liks JayPand and I tell him 'No. JayPand is SoPand's husband.' I dont get the Chipniks and I wake up.

What does this dream mean?

I am feeling:

Drowsy from the gloomy abundant rain.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life. 

Love;

Me.

11.37 am

Journal 10.07 pm on 3.7 2026 an okay day

Dear Journal,

It's pouring cats and dogs here in Bombay! It rained all day.

After a lunch of khichuri and prawns I sat and applied to jobs with Tarot websites. Let's see what works out. 

I even went to meet Dr Shinde who heard me out.

Im feeling much better than same time yesterday.

Now I'll chant and sleep.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

Stable

Precious

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life!

Love,

Me.

10 11 pm

Journal 2 10 pm on 3.7 2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

Not a day goes by without me thinking about Arun.

I had tandoori chicken last night. I got such a craving that I ordered half for myself.

I woke up in the morning at 9.43 from a dream. I saw that a particular lady (whom I dont know in reality) offered me a job as a Tarot consultant.

I have been praying for a kosen rufu work from home job offering me a certain amount of money per month. May be this is my mind's way of saying I should focus on Tarot readings.

I'm taking my pills each day. And I feel nore stable.

Ashish came home to talk to Ma and Pa in the morning.

I spent the morning on Renaissance Tarot and Sweet Soul Tarot channels.

I walked around and have smoked 3 cigarettes till now. Pa took me to the bank where I deposited my cheque.

I'm so happy that the stint with AfShe is over. I wonder how Arun is. I still love him so very much.

I think I'll chant now and apply to some Tarot channels.

I am feeling:

Happy

Full of love

Activated

May be if writing is not meant to be, I should focus on Tarot. In this age of artificial intelligence writing as a job is seeing a slow death.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

2 21 pm

Journal 9.46 pm on 2.7.2026 a confusing day

Dear Journal,

I distinctly remember seeing a dream in the morning that SayDas was in my dream explaining to someone (mostly Krao) that something (may be cigarettes) is my coping mechanism.

I woke up in the morning and was all gung ho to quit cigarettes so I had a cola. I had five colas and eight cigarettes through the day.

I did not chant or do yoga in the morning in stead I meditated. I was feeling so restless.

Work was good. I stayed away from my phone and got quite a few leads.

However, AfShe was pretty itritable and said something like I dont know how to speak English. AfShe who cant write a single phrase in English properly! In the same breath he argued that I should think of teaching English at his institute and he asked me how much pay I would want. Stupid guy! I asked him to pay me my dues and he did and I told him I'm not coming back. I think it's good riddance.

I came home to Ma watching reels on her phone.

DeePan and AstAro came home and we chanted. BEore that GaMo and NimNa came home for Ma.

Deepan explained the spirit of contribution and how our Sgi magazine started.

All evening I felt a ringing in my ears as if I was about to start hallucinating. It left me feeling so disturbed!

AstAro asked me to challenge something in my prayers.  After the whole meeting I want to chant more.

Now I think I'll take a bath and chant.

May I quit smoking cigarettes.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Better after writing this entry. The ringing in my ears has stopped.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.58 pm

Journal 9.24 pm 1.7.2026 I quit smoking

Dear Journal,

It's been over 3 hours and I havent smoked a cigarette. I went to meet SeeDhi and didnt smoke before or after. In fact, I had a pani puri and doodh roti.

I hope I can keep up the momentum. Im determined to. I think I'll have a cola now and call it a night.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love, 

Me.

9.28 pm

Journal 1.58 pm on 1.7.2026 an anxious feeling

Dear Journal,

Ma's birthday is 2 weeks away!

Last evening I sat and chanted with Ma and Pa for about 40 minutes and as I was chanting all my misdeeds caught up with me and I was overpowered with guilt and the fear of losing my parents.

All of a sudden I felt that a higher power is trying to connect with me and I got so scared about losing my mind again that I told Pa how I was feeling and completely broke down.

I messaged NiJa and today in the morning I messaged Dhawale and also Arun (just to talk to him).

In the morning I woke up from a dream that I dont remember. I felt a kind of sexual urge and felt so depressed because of that because there is nobody to love at the moment.

I lay down eyes shut and decided to bunk work. DeJh messaged that I should really make more money. I dont know why he bothers so much about me.

I'm feeling much better now. I think I'll start a five to six minute gratitude practice in the morning.

I'll eat my lunch now and sit in gratitude and chant for a bit. It never comes about that a prayer to the Lotus Sutra goes unanswered! That is what they say.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Gloomy from this gloomy rainy weather

Sweet

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

2.07 pm