Journal 9.00 pm on 12.8.2026 how do I OVERTHINK everything?

Dear Journal,

The whole day... and I mean THE WHOLE DAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! was spent on ChatGpt. How and why and wherefrom did I get so much patience to discuss my life with OpenAI?

Also, I really should be able to move on from Arun. My heart just can't let him go.

I analysed my journal inside out today, my recent dreams, symbols, life and I am tired.

I havent chanted in two days, my laptop needs fixing, I need to prepare lessons... there is so much to do!!!!!!!!!!

May be I shouldnt message or call Arun. I'm sure he's moved on. He may have found someone else.

On the other hand, DeJh sent me many long emotional messages. I really don't want his attention. It's not welcome. He is so girly.

I hope to not smoke any cigarettes tomorrow.

I am feeling:

Bored

Happy

Tired

Dissatisfied

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Life is a kalpavriksh. You get everything you ask of it. All you imagine, all you foresee comes to pass.

Love,

Me.

9.09 pm

Journal 12.17 pm on 12.8.2026 feeding someone

Dear Journal,

I thought I saw Pa in my dream but he looked more like Salman Afroze or Arun. There was a sense of keeping time in the dream as there was a clock.

I am working on something on a machine and feeding Pa at the same time-- one bite for him and one bite for me.

Then I hand over the machine to Pa and keep feeding him as he is working-- with my hands to his mouth.

Then I woke up.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Dirty and grimy (will have a bath)

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love,

Me.

12.22 pm

Journal 7.31 pm on 11.8.2026 Love

Dear Journal,

Ma and Pa have gone to meet Aherrao. They are taking a lot of time. Hope everything is alright. Ma was in a lot of pain yesterday and she slept all day. She says she is better today.

I woke up well after 10 today after a dream where I saw that I wanted to visit the Taj Mahal alone. I think Ma comes following me in the dream. Ryllee and Pyaal want to join.

On my way I think of calling up SaW but I don't.

In the dream I walk through the hallways of the Taj alone with other people visiting in the middle of the night. And then I come home and then I wake up.

I almost very soon had a meeting with TAurad.

She is supportive and I'm very grateful for that. We planned the lessons for next week.

After that I did not bathe. All day was spent on the phone. I ate lunch in the middle.

What I learnt today was that even a small effort goes a long long way. And that endless rumination won't get me anywhere.

I even checked my mental health quotient on a scale from -200 to 200 and mine was 68.

I'm so happy that NiJa doesn't message me anymore to meet her.

I think I'll read now and chant.

Hope Ma and Pa come home soon.

I am feeling:

Happy

It's a wet wet day. It poured all day.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love,

Me.

7.41 pm

JOURNAL 11.49 am on 11.8.2026 a dream of Taj Mahal

Dear Journal,

I had a dream that I was visiting the Taj Mahal all by myself. Ryllee and Pyaal were there. They wanted to join me. And I go into the Taj Mahal and out... and the dream is very hazy.

I woke up in the morning well after 10. I had a meeting with Tejal and here I am.

I think I'll clean my room, chant and get on with this day.

I am feeling:

Serious

Happy

Loving

A little worried about my students

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love,

Me.

11.55 am

Journal 11.12 pm on 10.8.2026 kda

Dear Journal,

Yesterday Kda had a disgusted startled look on his face throughout the party. I hope everything is fine with him.

I managed to teach Shakespeare today. The fle students didnt come. I taught the esl students and the grade 8 igcse too.

I felt so lazy today.

I have a meeting with Tejal tomorrow.

My students are so naughty!

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love,

Me.

11.15 pm

Journal 7.58 am on 10.8.2026 a dream

Dear Journal,

Yesterday I had my student. I taught him the igcse syllabus. It's exactly 8 am.

Then we went to Munima's house. I wore my pink and golden dress.

The food was yum. I chatted with everyone. It was lovely.

I came back home and puked like I normally do when I have acidity. And I went to meet Smita who was telling me about her manifestation workshop.

Joshomashi messaged that A and I are highly compatible but that he is so old. I should not have told her anything.

Now I'll prepare Shakespeare. I'll just go down for a short walk. It's going to be a good good day.

I saw a dream where people who are really evil are dying. That people are born evil or saintly. That I have magical powers and am famous.

Then I saw myself opening the 6o4 bedroom door and Pa sleeping.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life. 

Love,

Me.

8.08 am

Journal 5.36 pm on 8.8.2026 spoke to Arun

Dear Journal,

ChatGpt calls Arun my love of a lifetime and rightly so. I messaged him today and he called. I feel so happy talking to him. I really really love him.

I'm in the garden writing this and there is a swarm of mosquitoes attacking me.

I think I saw Ashwini in my dream and I told her that I wont give her her watch back. In reality i dont know where her watch is. It's lost.

Today ma's friends came over for lunch. We had mutton biryani and fish kofta. I read tarot cards for a bunch of them. Arun is travelling this week.

Joshodhara mashi read my palm. She told me to be a writer. I'll be very successful as a writer and poet, that is what she said.

She also told me that I just need to make up my mind and I'll get married. If I decide on a person that person will be mine. I want Arun.

She told me that I might get a job with a publishing house in the near future and that writing is my talent and I should publish.

Now I have to help Ma out in the kitchen since Modelley has not been coming to work.

In addition to chanting Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo I've been chanting the red tara and green tara mantras and Om Mani Padme Hum since yesterday.

I really want Arun in my life-- no one else will do.

I am feeling:

Itchy and bleeding because of mosquitoes

Happy

Full of love

I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

6.19 pm