Act 1
Scene 1
In Princess Garbage's palace
Haramkhor: This place smells of plastic putrid and poisonous methane today. I smell a rat but today I have won because immortality and celibacy are here for all eternity.
Enter Pg
Pg: I love you Idiyutt. Where are you? Where be you on this mortal day.
Enter Idiyutt
I: I am here my love. What do you want? Why is haramkhor lying by the garbage today? Let's kick her out to be out of harm's way.
I picks Haramkhor out and throws her out of the stage.
Pg: Today I princess garbage am high on wine and you being a prince Charming look so fine. Make love to me prince Idiyutt.
Pg and I kiss
Haramkhor (from wings): I am the mother of Idiyutt's children. But both of you are in love? I will always remember that. There is no wedding. I am the Queen, I am the mother but Fair Princess what do you need today?
I looks around hearing the voice onstage.
Pg: Today my love I need expensive perfumes chocolates and clothes. I need a walk by the Ganges and a massage from you.
Near the Ganges.
I: isn't it a wonderful day? Tomcat is here! Hey hey hey
Pg: who is tomcat?
Haramkhor: it's me here today but Idiyutt you love her today?
Idiyutt: I do, I really really do. Get perfumes and chocolates for her please.
Haramkhor places an easel, paper on it and paints a perfume bottle and some chocolates.
Haramkhor: Chocolates and perfume for your lady love my sweetheart. What else do you need Princess Garbage? Some oxygen, nitrogen and Helium may be?
Idiyutt: The perfumes and chocolates have arrived my love. Now let's make merry! Let's sing with this dark dark person today. I love you black cat but I'll marry her today.
Act 1
Scene 2
Ginger the Lion King: let's light a bonfire today to pray for love and light to permeate the universe. Let us kindle the fire for all the universe. The vatu guys have messed with us.
Lamatt: Yes, Lion King but where is Haramkhor? Why don't we see her here today.
Tomcat: idiyutt is arriving in a second.
Enter Idiyutt
Idiyutt: I have fallen in love in the biggest way. Princess Garbage is so cute and so sweet. And Haramkhor is such a bastard really. Sending perfumes and chocolates for my baby.
Enter Padmasee
Pdmse: who is your baby?
Idiyutt: Blister you Padamsee. I love pg so much today, there can be no other girl for me today. Haramkhor is such an ass. She thinks she's a magician that abysmal black cat.
Ginger the Lion King: haramkhor's life must be in danger.
Tomcat: let's light the fire and pray for her. He has plagiarised all her poetry and hates his true wife for this bitch Pg.
Idiyutt: Who is my wife? It must be pg! She is so fair and fine. Her mountainous breasts are soft as royal jelly and Haramkhor looks like dark chocolate to me. pg's golden skin, her rosy lips and her sweet saliva that goes drip, drip, drip.
Enter hidayat
Hidayat: Arrest this man Idiyutt, pg's very gardener. He makes love to her all day long while he sings Haramkhor's songs. Has he been rapped by Pg he asks today? Have you Idiyutt?
Idiyutt: May be.
Haramkhor: that is a lie! You love Pg! And on you fie!
Act 2
Scene 1
Lamat, hidayat, and padamsee sit in a park.
Lamat: why does Idiyutt run so much behind Princess Garbage who looks like a spoilt cabbage?
Padamsee: The other day he told me sir that he finds her to be the most beautiful girl (cries and bawls)
Hidayat: he sends her flowers and diamond rings and they love all night by a drink.
Enter Haramkhor
h: let's light a fire now and perform magical tricks for my Idiyutt.
Padamsee: How is he your Idiyutt?
H: he is mine but he is cheating on me so today I will have wine by my self.
Goes to the side and picks up a glass and has it.
Lamatt: (by the fire) I sings paeans of princess garbage by the riverside, the poolside, the auditorium.
Padamsee: she is really a fool for him.
Hidyat (crying) : she really really is.
(Spotlight on both sides)
(Haramkhor gets up, sets up an easel, paints a face. It's Idiyutt's face)
Idiyutt enters
I: I've come to meet all of you. But what is Haramkhor doing in the park?
Padamsee: What is your problem really? Would you like some money or some honey?
I: Money, always money. Money makes me sunny. It's all Haramkhor's money but I blow it on my honey Princess Garbage. (Shouting) who is Haramkhor really to say live it up when I'll die in Princess Garbage's arms.
Haramkhor (shouting): immortality and celibacy are here! I am a celibate celibate girl! May be you Idiyutt have become a huge celebrity.
(Enter Lion King, walking up to Haramkhor)
Ginger the lk: should I light a fire today?
Haramkhor: Please do. Because I have the right to live. Love is love and life is life. Time is all we have, space is all we are, and love is all that flows through us. So immortality is here. Light the fire everywhere! For everybody. The birth rate and death rate have dropped to zero.
Idiyutt: I have a wife now in princess Garbage.
Ginger walks up to him.
Ginger: In Princess Garbage?
Haramkhor: He's mine. All of you have some wine.
Act 2
Scene 2
(In the presidential palace)
Princess Garbage: Could I please have you in my arms. My breast implants feel so fine with your golden hair covering it. I have spread rose petals on the Presidential bed. Come here please.
Idiyutt: I am here.
(Haramkhor on the side of the room with paint)
Haramkhor: I am painting roses. Idiyutt, what are you doing here? Let me do my immortal work.
I: I think I'll focus on Princess Garbage because you must be crazy.
Pg: come here my love I want to die in your arms tonight.
Idiyutt: Haramkhor, are you my wife? I've abused you and vilified you all my life.
Haramkhor: please stare at her face on this bed full of roses with pig pate. Love is all there is in this world. No killing of pigs please anymore!
Idiyutt: stop you from killing animals haramkhor.
Haramkhor: I never killed nobody. You killed me with your love for this obnoxious bitch.
Pg: come here my love.
Enter ginger and tomcat
Ginger: Haramkhor cease this incessant boohooing and please marry her Idiyutt.
Tomcat: no. He must atone for his sins and now pay penance.
Idiyutt: where?
Pg: die in my arms tonight.
Haramkhor: Why do you hate me so Idiyutt?
Idiyutt: why are you smiling? Are you stressed out?
Tomcat: not one bit is she stressed you big buffoon. You married Princess Garbage over her? How could you? How did you do this to your true wife?
Haramkhor: Please let it be. I'm dark and black. Not so pretty, not so beautiful, not so lovely.
Princess Garbage: Ginger will you have some chocolates with me?
Idiyutt: Haramkhor's eyes are evil beyond words. Princess Garbage, lets have some wine. Her feet stink of dirty oil. And you Princess Garbage, of course, smell divine.
Haramkhor: I'll paint my heart today. Nobody loves me.
Ginger: we do, haramkhor.
Act 3
Scene 1
Lamatt, Padamsee and Hidayat sit in a park and play cards with credit cards
Lamatt: We have to give up Idiyutt the Mali to save Haramkhor's life.
Hidayat: Please let's do that.
Padamsee: How does he not love her? Her beauty is beyond compare. Beyond our wildest imaginations.
Enter Haramkhor with an easel and paints
Paints a painting of a flower
Haramkhor: May there be abundance on Earth and prosperity everywhere. May even Princess Garbage pray. My eyes are not nice neither are my feet. Idiyutt has every right to hate me. So fret no more because believe me my friends, in this life we are immortal and celibate.
Lamatt: There was no convincing Idiot.
Padamsee: Of course because he is a big casanova, having admired all the Princess Garbages of the world and leaving his beautiful Haramkhor to rot.
Hidayat: I think it's best to keep silent today.
Haramkhor: yes silence is golden. And each word has great meaning. Idiyutt can't ever turn back time. And what he's done now is not divine.
Hidayat: what has he done haramkhor?
Padamsee: Right at this moment he has married Princess Garbage. What did your mom do, Haramkhor?
Haramkhor: She cursed me to be most ugly Hidayat.
Idiyutt: Now, here is the thing all you guys. You have trapped me to be with Princess Garbage. I think about you all the time Haramkhor. Will you please be my wife?
Haramkhor: I will. As long as you promise me we are immortal and celibate.
Idiyutt: I do.
Act 3
Scene 2
Ginger the Lion King: now set the fire ablaze. Fear not fazed friend as we keep Haramkhor safe. Run like a tiger, run like the wind. Be a free bird so you may learn to sing again.
Idiyutt: why?
Bonfire is lit by Ginger and Tomcat.
Lamatt, Padamsee and Hidayat sing together: This is the way Aha Aha. I like this way Aha Aha.
Now if you know
Where you go
You may find your wife
Haramkhor!
Tomcat: Where are you Haramkhor?
Spotlight on Haramkhor at the side of the stage. Haramkhor is lying down, smoking cigarettes.
Haramkhor: (crying) so many were gone so many were lost in this murderous tidal wave by Princess Garbage. All our fisherfolk and larmy have to be safe and you are gone now Princess Garbage! Makkhan laga laga ke trap them.
(Gets up and sets up the easel and paints a garden)
Idiyutt: where is my wife?
Hidayat: Right here in this edenous garden where snakes play with worms and cats and dogs roam about. You have conquered the human world. Have you conquered the animal world?
Idiyutt: Where is my wife? Where art thou my lady love?
Tomcat: (putting the fire out): it's getting very dark. We are very angry.
Idiyutt: Angry ka matlab? Where is my wife?
Hidayat: idiyutt! You big idiyutt!
Haramkhor: I'm right here. Princess Garbage where art thou?
Enter princess garbage
Pg: My heaving breasts have become mountainous implants and my skin aches with the detan. My hair is shedding from all the cow sperm and my skin is peeling from acid attacks.
Idiyutt: what?
Padamsee: I told you once fore you are a nobleman with a chocolate wife. Your strife you cannot blame on me. It was all created by thee you see.
Idiyutt: What is happening by the sea? I see big strife for you Princess Garbage and Harmony for Haramkhor. Haramkhor pick up the easel now.
Lamatt: stop giving orders you Idiyutt!
Haramkhor: stop making me fight with my friends Idiyutt. I Haramkhor have an inbuilt wand. A bond to be one with the world and one with the eternal song. I live forever, celibate immortal me.
Idiyutt: where is my honey?
Princess Garbage: (walks to Haramkhor kneels down kisses her hand) Hail the Queen!
