Firstly I have to come clean. I cant afford to smoke cigarettes anymore. Many many dreams that I saw portended to my present circumstances. I am cash-strapped and poor. I barely have any money. I hope to turn around my circumstances.
Today I woke up in the morning well before 8. I smoked a few cigarettes and sat and chanted for Ma's endoscopy and colonoscopy. I was feeling so stressed out. Again there are some blisters on my foot. I messaged Krao and he reduced the dosage of Trancodol.
Ma's friend Sudeshna came home. She gifted me a handmade paper book. That was really sweet of her.
Everybody pitched in today. Hospital bills are so expensive! Ma just came to scold me. Ma's scopy tests showed that he stomach is lined with ulcers. Dimma's problem had also started with just that-- ulcers.
I CAN'T SMOKE CIGARETTES ANYMORE. IN EVERY WAY I JUST CANT AFFORD TO ANYMORE.
If I had to pinpoint one reason my circumstances are such it's because of my mental health. I often wonder whether I should take down all my videos from Facebook. I will do that.
I really hope to get a job and I hope Pa can get my laptop repaired.
I am feeling:
Slightly heart hurt
Solemn
Happy
Loving
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
10.01 pm
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