Journal 9.24 pm 1.7.2026 I quit smoking

Dear Journal,

It's been over 3 hours and I havent smoked a cigarette. I went to meet SeeDhi and didnt smoke before or after. In fact, I had a pani puri and doodh roti.

I hope I can keep up the momentum. Im determined to. I think I'll have a cola now and call it a night.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love, 

Me.

9.28 pm

Journal 1.58 pm on 1.7.2026 an anxious feeling

Dear Journal,

Ma's birthday is 2 weeks away!

Last evening I sat and chanted with Ma and Pa for about 40 minutes and as I was chanting all my misdeeds caught up with me and I was overpowered with guilt and the fear of losing my parents.

All of a sudden I felt that a higher power is trying to connect with me and I got so scared about losing my mind again that I told Pa how I was feeling and completely broke down.

I messaged NiJa and today in the morning I messaged Dhawale and also Arun (just to talk to him).

In the morning I woke up from a dream that I dont remember. I felt a kind of sexual urge and felt so depressed because of that because there is nobody to love at the moment.

I lay down eyes shut and decided to bunk work. DeJh messaged that I should really make more money. I dont know why he bothers so much about me.

I'm feeling much better now. I think I'll start a five to six minute gratitude practice in the morning.

I'll eat my lunch now and sit in gratitude and chant for a bit. It never comes about that a prayer to the Lotus Sutra goes unanswered! That is what they say.

I am feeling:

Happy

Loving

Gloomy from this gloomy rainy weather

Sweet

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

2.07 pm