Journal 31.10.2025 1.17 pm confused and still in love

 Dear Journal,

Today I woke up a little after 6.40 and was out with my yoga mat. I was a little sluggish through the yoga session and the yoga has gotten easier. The pelvic exercises are a little difficult but as I keep at it I know that even they will get easier.

My right hand trembled a little. It continues till I have my morning cup of tea. Even a little sugar on my toungue doesnt help. Dr Shinde told me this is largely because of early morning hypoglycemia and to eat something before my session. 

He hasn't cut his hair and was looking a little ruffled.

I came back and continued my morning routine of grabbing the news, reading the Gosho, doing shavasana, eating breakfast, bathing, ironing clothes and I sat to work. Pa has gone out for a bit.

Yesterday as I was coming back from Dr Shinde's Pa Pa called. I hesitantly agreed to go to Prithvi with him. But as we were on his bike amid light rainfall, we changed our plans and headed to Juhu Beach.

We sat and chatted, me with a bhutta in hand and he with cigarettes. We spoke about theatre and films, about work and everything in between. And then, as expected, he proposed. I declined politely, hoping I wasn't hurting his feelings.

Pa Pa is a good guy. He reminds me a lot of Shl De, who had also propositioned me. Pa Pa will go very far in life and I'm sure any girl would be lucky to have him. He looks just like Shl. 

But I am not in a state of mind to begin dating someone new. And of course, a girl doesn't date every guy who proposes. At least not me. Moreover, I'm not really over Arun.

In the morning the memory of his eyes and his smile and the smell of his skin haunted me. It's such an honour, such a privilege to be able to gaze into those sweet eyes. I don't know when I'll get the chance to do so again.

Then I came back home and chanted and slept. My days are busy and full.

Today I have to ISH assignment to finish off. Then in the evening I have the kaikan meeting.

Now, I hope to finish work for the day, eat lunch in between and pack the day with punch.

I am feeling:

Heart hurt

Happy

Loving

Full of love

Toned

All worked out

So grateful to be able to do yoga and start the day with routine.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

1.33 pm

Journal 30.10.2025 12.20 pm It's Haridas's birthday

 Dear Journal,

I woke up around 6 and as usual proceeded to do yoga in the garden. I was a little sluggish. As my session wore on my right hand started shaking and it started drizzling. It was amazing sitting there amidst the dewy morning with the birds chirping.

I managed to kiss Mikki goodbye. I need to get a diagnosis from Dr Shinde about my hand.

Even though I came back and ate breakfast and grabbed the news and got in some Shavasana and 10 minutes of daimoku I was still feeling rather low on energy. Till I had two cups of tea made by DuMa my energy just didn't pick up.

I have had three Tarot clients in the past three days. I am so grateful for that.

I wished Haridas sir a happy birthday. Yesterday I was faced with quite a few calls from Pa Pa... he even called this morning. What's up with him I wonder. Why does he call so? If he wants to date me I'm not interested, nice guy though he is.

Work has been a little slow today but now that I am up and about after my Tarot session I'll get on with it. I missed A today. Hope he is fine.

Me, Ma, So Pa and her husband are going for a play to Royal Opera House on Saturday. Our Netflix is down and I can't continue watching Ba***ds of Bollywood. The series was interesting.

I think I'll wrap up work early today and nestle in with a book. It seems rude to keep telling Pa Pa off. If he calls again this evening I might meet him for a bit.

I am feeling:

Happy

Slightly serious

Hopeful

Optimistic

Loving

Loved

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

12.32 pm

Journal 29.10.2025 5.56 pm facing the issue of my death

Dear Journal,

I have had a good day so far... Ma is not yet back home and I contemplated purchasing Arundhati Roy's latest for A. Not now, later, me told myself and I will buy it for him.

Work was good.

My phone has gone in for repairs and I'll get it back only later at night. Essential expenditure is a must.

I am reading D Ikeda's Unlocking the Mysteries of Birth and Death and thought of dedicating a journal post to the issue of my own death.

Firstly, death is inevitable. It is immenent on all. So we might as well make our peace with it. 

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed and thus our emotions, our karma, our very soul must go on. According to the Buddhist Law of the Transmigration of the Soul our appearances may vary, ranging across genders, species, forms. I wish to be reborn as a rich woman's lapdog in my next life. Then life will be good ;p

Jokes apart getting on to the next point, I thought a lot about the nature of my death. I really want to die peacefully after having lived a full life. I would love to just pass on peacefully in my sleep regret-free, knowing that I did as much as I could for all, rich, independent, in love, hopefully, and after having lived a rich, fulfilling life marked with the greatest of experiences.

Since I am going to die and could die any day, any moment it would be only fitting for me to live each moment as an emissary of Shakyamuni Buddha. Each moment I seek to reflect the ideals of compassion, courage, wisdom and love. 

I've taken some ultrafoolish steps in my life. They are too embarrassing to recount. Some day when I'm old may be I'll laugh about them to my friends and Buro's children. I hope to live more courageously and wisely and with a lot of laughter and love.

I hope to forgive and I hope I am forgiven for my missteps. I hope to dole out hope in abundance and to give freely. I hope to be discerning and I hope to be wealthy.

I hope to do for others and live a life of service and joy and utmost love and compassion.

(Someone just called...)

More importantly, since death is impending and I believe in reincarnation I must not burn bridges or rub people wrongly. 

Even though life goes on, we have just one life to account for because our past lives are forgotten. So I hope to do the most in this life. Life is good. Melon is just back from his walk and is licking my foot... the joy of it all....

Now, this post wasn't that macabre, eh?

Love,

Me.

6.47 pm 

Father, you and I

 Poppa you are so sweet

As a Genie granting me all my wishes!

And yet sometimes when I flounder

You strictly admonish,

Strictly chastise

So that I may know where

To rest my heart of reason!

Your pragmatism calls to me

And in the night with my head on the pillow

I wish for you and I, our hearts, to join

And your tongue to utter words

That I may carry on into eternity

In my memory

So that later someday I can write songs

Of you and I.

Mother: Journey to the heart

 On the road to possibilities Mother you call to me!

And your heart rending of sorrow

And your skin smelling of joy

And that effervescent glow

Of your flowing blood

Polishes anew my determination

To give to you

All I can, all that I have

As a maiden I am and you once were

Will you listen to my tales of love and woe?

Once more into the night

My dreams take flight

And nestle on your breast

Where I must lay my head

From the long journey ahead....

Journal 29.10.2025 12.11 pm it's sadhya's birthday

 Dear Journal,

It is Sadhya's birthday today. Her family is opening a Cafe in Jaipur and I am so happy for her. Both she and Bu are there in Jaipur with Melon and Kit at our place.

I have been having disturbed sleep. Today I woke up and as usual did my yoga, meditation, chanting in the garden. It feels so good to do it.

Then I fed Melon and Kat and sat down to work. It's good to have a regular routine.

Yesterday I called up Arun. We had a longish chat. It was so nice to hear his voice. To love someone and not be able to tell them is painful. Through the call I had tears welling up in my eyes. I really love him. He is such a cute human being.

I am so happy his family and he are doing well. I am happy his bones have healed.

Then Ma's friend came over in the evening and we had vegetable chops with kashundi and I spent some time with her. Pawan called to meet but I wanted to nestle with a book in the evening. I've cut down on smoking quite a bit. I think it's oweing to my morning routine. I won;t give it up for the rest of my life.

I'll call up Pawan today and ask him about the play. 

It's Haridas sir's birthday tomorrow. Hopefully I'll remember to wish him.

DuMa is back with her yummy food. 

Now to get into more work. I've already put in a lot of time in the morning. The Pomodoro app is simply awesome!

I am grateful for all the people who grace my life especially Ma, Pa, Buo, Sadhya and Arun and all my eternal friends.

I am grateful for love and life.

I am grateful for the food I eat, the shelter I have and for the money I have. 

I am grateful for work.

I am grateful for good health and to be able to do yoga.

My phone is acting up. It is time to get it checked. I need a new phone.

I am feeling:

Happy

Fit

Pretty

Full of love

Focused

I am wearing my lemon green chikankari top, with the denims A bought me and my purple chiffon chunni.

Love,

Me.

12.24 pm

Journal 28.10.2025 10.44 am life goes on

 Dear Journal,

Yesterday Pawan came home with samosas. I took him to Q's play reading. We read One Spare Flea about the Plague. It reminded one of the coronavirus pandemic.

I woke up from a dream of seeing myself with Pa as a child. Pa continues to be acerbic but that's alright. I know he will come around. I can't let others decide what goes into my body. My body, my decision.

The day as usual started with yoga. I am feeling so tired from doing yoga. Then I grabbed the news and now I'll make myself a cup of tea and get to work.

I am feeling:

Tired

Low on energy despite breakfast

All worked out

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings in my life.

Love,

Me.

10.49 am

Journal 27.10.2025 1.04 pm putting in some thought

 Dear Journal,

I had my regular yoga session. Then I went and met See Dhi. I was a little low on energy through the meeting. A good lunch after some work may rejuvenate me.

Dr Shinde is out of town.

 Somehow I keep thinking about A. He is always at the back of my mind.

I've been thinking about this whole acting thing. I think the past two years I tried because A always proudly introduced me as an actress.

I simply love theatre and am looking forward to Q's session today. But the field of acting is flimsy; the people are superficial and the world is all made-up and dikhava. I feel I don't quite fit in when I see Anupriya, Gau, Deepika at it.

It's a struggle. And the roles I'm offered are not tantalising. I'm not cutting myself off of it completely. Something nice comes about and I'll do it. The other day Pawan spoke to me about doing some theatre together. If it's good, why not?

Gauri needs to pay me for the Tarot session. I'll remind her after lunch. Hope she is feeeling better.

I feel that I fit in more in the field of reading and writing and journalism. I love reading and writing. I've always had my hands into several things.

I also want to be able to pay Arun back his money. I think it will please him.

Now I'll get to some work. I want Pa to talk to me.

I am feeling:

Happy

At peace   

Full of love

Focused

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

1.17 pm

Journal 26.10.2025 8.21 pm senseful

Dear Journal,

Before taking any decision it's important to be able to see the other side of things. It's the most important thing in the whole world.

I'll keep this entry short and sweet.

Pa continues to be angry with me. I don't know why.

I finished my yoga session today and the zadankai went pretty well following that. Soon the extended family was here. Dia is so quiet.

It was nice chatting with everyone.

I've been praying.

I started reading Unlocking the Mysteries of Birth and Death.

Gau came home and we chanted and played Tarot and chatted. She has suffered a heartbreak.

I messaged Arun to a terse reply. I hope his bones have healed well and that he is well. Somehow I always pray for him and his family and a bunch of people like Tillu quite naturally.

I am feeling:

Clear

Stable

Hot

Sweaty

It's pouring outside this time of the year.

Love,

Me.

8.28 am

Journal 9.17 am 26.10.2025 it's a full day

Dear Journal,

Life is good. I did 2 and a half hours of yoga, chanting and meditation. Now I'll eat breakfast, iron clothes, bathe and meditate.

There is the zadankai today, then Bapi Kaku, Abhi Kaku, Chun and Dia are coming home and then I'm going to Prithvi.

I'm wearing my brown trousers and yellow t shirt. On account of my period I need to wash all my bed clothes.

Childhood has its good and bad. My childhood was excellent. I excelled on all fronts, played, was athletic. But because of the brain's negative bias we focus on all our pain. We might as well focus on the good.

Adulthood has its own pains and good points.

I think I won't complain in this post. I have a lot to be grateful for.

Life is about accepting the good with the bad and knowing that the good comes with some negative points and yet being positive.

As the adage goes: "When life gives you lemons make lemonade."

I hope to get some work done today. It's a good good day.

I am grateful for the money I have.

I am grateful for the building canopy where I do yoga.

I am grateful for my parents, brother and Arun.

I am grateful for all my teachers and all my students.

I am grateful for the food I eat and the home that I live in.

I am grateful for Arun's existence.

I am grateful for all my eternal friends.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I am feeling:

A little hurt

Rejuvenated

Happy

Slightly serious

Eager to have a good day

Love,

Me.

9.27 am

Journal 10.37 pm 25.10.2025 thinking about cruelty

Dear Journal,

I am not getting a drop of sleep thinking about the cruelty I face at the hands of so many.

The Ag cruelty, Arun's cruelty towards me, Bu's cruelty, Pa's cruelty over Vespa... so many things really.

A girl is often judged by her beauty. But there is so much more to being a woman like the strong maternal instinct I so identify with and understanding and altruism. But wherever I go I find that women and men are increasingly becoming selfish and cruel.

It's largely to do with the effects of the media and the unrealistic exagerrated dreams it sells.

It's alright. Arun has left. And life goes on....

Neitzche said: "When you gaze long into an abyss the abyss gazes back into you."

So you might as well not gaze into the abyss. And I might as well not harp on cruelty.

There is so much more to life than people's brazen selfishness. Like their love, their laughter, their smiles, their warmth.

I might as well focus on that.

The brain has a negativity bias. It tends to focus on the negatives. But I might as well remember Arun for his jokes, his warmth, his hugs, his smell, his smiles and his raucous laughter.

I might as well cherish Pa for the many ways he includes me in his life.

I might as well cherish Bu for his care and his concern instead of focusing on his snubs.

I don't know what I would have done without Ma. The only way to get love is to give it. There is simply no other way.

So I might as well love against all odds and not gaze at the abyss.

And then when this heavy mosquito-laden night has eased the dawn of lightness will shine on me and I will once again tread into the unknown meeting new people and living it up.

Love,

Me.

10.53 pm

The Snub

You snubbed me.

That's enough.

You roiled me.

I'm so tough.

Lying in my bed,

Heart full of love, 

Wandering easing

I wonder

How you felt

About the snub.

Journal 25.10.2025 6.22 pm It's been a full day

 Dear Journal,

Of the people I spoke to today apart from family were the building peeps, Q, Geeks and Pa Pa and Mateen. People are busy and around the board I get the impression that things are bleak for the media at the moment. Times of India has become flimsy.

I spoke to Noel a few days ago. I'm a little worried about him. He always seems drunk when I speak to him. I asked him to be convincing. I hope his life turns around. For my own life I guess its either better or worse than those I know by a few degrees. 

Of the people mentioned Geeks is struggling, Q has always been on the go (and I'm eager to go for his play reading this coming week), Pa Pa is always positive and helpful and Mateen is secure. So I guess I seem to be slightly worse off.

I wonder how Arun is. He hasn't picked up my calls, hasn't called back in the past and doesn't reply to messages. May be he doesn't want to talk to me. I pushed him away. I kind of tear up thinking about him. Always.

I've become rather quiet. I expect certain things to work out soon. And I know it will as long as I am persistent. I got an email from DaSol and I hope to connect with some good folks.

Commenting on flooded LinkedIn posts seems like a futile task. But one keeps trying.

With artificial intelligence the entire face and shape of the media has changed. I wonder how Bu is doing. I'm so grateful to him for the t shirts he bought me.

And I'm doubly grateful for the lovely family I belong to, the lovely people who make up my life even though it's reached a plateau at the moment. But that's what it is. When it stabilises it's important to be grateful for the little things.

People are generally struggling one way or the other or they put on a brave front as if nothing is wrong. When you mingle in the Gakkai you realise that people have so many different problems. My own problems seem so ministcule when compared to theirs.

I think a lot about Arun. Till today. He was and is someone I won't forget easily. May be I will never forget him. That is what I think.

Pa Pa just called saying he wants to go to Prithvi. If he is free tomorrow I will accompany him and if he'd like to come for Q's play reading with me that would also be nice. The thing is I'm in the middle of writing this entry and I'm all worn out from the day, dishevelled as fuck. Hopefully, I'll be at Prithvi tomorrow.

It's wrong to bitch about people assuming their problems. I've learnt this from Buddhism because people are all mired in various problems. Other's problems are never as they seem because we just can't pry into people's lives, it's an impossible task. The only way to learn about someone is by making them open up to you.

I miss Melon and Kat. I love my Melon and Kat.

I still pray for Arun and his family.

Well, this is one discordant entry after many ramblings in the past days. I am going to chant and iron clothes and go for a short walk. Then I'll nestle in with my book. Judas by Amos Oz is rivetting. I think I'll just spend some time on social media too.

I am grateful for the money I have.

I am grateful for the lovely people who make up my life.

I am grateful for life's experiences.

I am grateful for my laptop and phone and the internet.

I am grateful for my body.

And yes! I am grateful that I have cut down on smoking!

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blesssings on my life.

I am grateful for the food I eat and this lovely home.

And of course, I am grateful for Arun's existence.

I am feeling:

Dishevelled

Unphotogenic

Dirty

Eager

Focused

Lovely

Love,

Me.

6.54 pm

Nilgai

There on the hilltop

Where the nilgai speaks

I find you waiting

Top for top, wreath for wreath

And I breathe in heavy

So enamoured by the silvery hues

That there and then

I become so taken up by your charms

By the firewood, by the cinder,

Pretty feet dancing

By the tinder.

Journal 10.57 am 25.10.2025 Ma has a kitty party

Dear Journal,

I love my mom. She is so adept at running this house and she is so simple and kind.

Yesterday I got her and her friend Sonal Coconut and Plum cake with coffee. It's nice to be able to treat her and her friends.

I don't remember much of my dreams. Today I woke up and did three hours of yoga and chanting. Yoga is amazing!

My father is such a good human being. I love him so deeply.

My brother got me three cute t shirts recently.

Ma has her kitty party today.

After Vipassana I've become so quiet and I feel that I don't really need much or too much fanfare and such. I'm happy with what I have.

My mind dwells in God at all times. A little smoking and not much else.

After a month I have my laptop back. I'll be back to doing my  Tarot channel. We mustn't depend too much on others but those who love us by God's way are to be cherished.

I still love Arun. I think I always will. But he is married.

Pa Pa keeps calling me up and I keep bumping into him on the road. I think he'd want to date me but I'm not interested in any man.

I'm so grateful that I got the Seksaraiya event.

Now I'll meditate for half an hour after a bath and sit online to get work done.

Imagination is everything. It really is. I'm so blessed that God has blessed me with a good imagination.

I am grateful for this building with its Gardens and canopy where I can do yoga.

I am grateful for the money I have.

I am grateful for love and life.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I have my period and am feeling a tad emotional. I'll practice my Bengali, French and English today.

Love,

Me.

11.14 am

Poem: I do

After such a long time you

Have crept into my dreams,

Into my very thoughts

And I can't let you go,

That's not the kind of girl I am,

Putting her guy through an exam.

But I am aware now that

The whole world wonders

How I love you so deeply

And I do, I do, I do.

Credit

All day long stuck to me

Fearful you! What a pity.

You say you wrote what I wrote,

Doted on what I doted

And as the wings of time

Ring closer ringing hard

And immortal praises

And the curses of karma

Deal hard I arise into

The flames of ether light

Feeling oh so blithe

And all I wrote comes to me,

All you wrote goes to you

And we conquer together

Many mounds of love,

Friends in this immortal life....

Chocolatey

You are here nestled in my soul

Even though you are so far

In my imagination you and me,

We are two but one and whole.

In the far off mountains pink and grey

I see you and me sitting atop

Priming feathers for play.

We are sweet and loving,

Sweet and grown up,

We've grown up together,

We are not two mess ups.

We are one, we are not two

And on this chilly pink mountain top

Your nose smells sweet of slew.

I could kiss your nose anytime any day;

Will you please once more you and me party?

Will you please once more pick up the phone

And call me sweet nothings till I am doped.

Till then sweet lovely I've given up all things gooey

So that you may melt once more me

With your chocolatey stories....

Conversation with Arun 3.57 pm 22.10.2025

Arun: Shona...

Me: Yes?

Arun: I'm sorry I broke your heart

Me: Don't think about it... just come back to me

Arun: I have

Me: But then you don't reply to my messages

Arun: I love you... I am The Great Pretender... be sweet to everyone

Me: sure shona

Arun: believe me Honey... everyone is trying

Me: have you quit smoking?

Arun: for now I have

Me: Then even for now I have... I miss kissing your nose... you to me dupe me always 

Arun: Why?

Me: you do

Arun: Do you love me?

Me: you strum my heart strings

Arun: write me a poem 

Me: sure... right away... another conversation soon

2025 in retrospect

2025 was bittersweet in retrospect when Arun and I spent a lot of time apart. I really missed him this year but by the end of the year he has come around and we are soon going to be back together.

I quit smoking this year on 22.10.2025 (which is today). The cigarette industry is vicious. They keep calling you to smoke cigarettes and these new no smoking signs are repulsive. Even though cigarettes are good for health the price you pay for that is immense.

Some day Arun and I will sit atop a hill amassing money manifold and keep smoking cigarettes.

By the end of this year... by November to be precise... I have got this super awesome job and I'm so so so grateful for it.

My laptop was also taken away by Ma for the greater part of the year and I couldn't make Tarot videos. 

I got the cool Seksaraiya gig that was a breeze, I got the superawesome pocket money but now the need of the hour is that I quit smoking.

Not having Arun in my life means misery.

I saw a little of Chotto but he has become so angry these days about the tiniest things. And who the hell is Sadhya?

Pa is also not talking to me properly.

I think the year will end on a fine note.

I'll take my sprightly self down in a bit and get yoga and chanting done. CIGARETTES ARE HISTORY! 

Conversation with Hercules 5.15 pm 21.10.2025

Me: Chotto I love you the most

Chotto: you... my shona baby... it's all over with them... you can have cigarettes

Me: sure?

Chotto: Muwwwaaah

Conversation with Arun 4.22 pm 21.10.2025

Arun: Honey I love you

Me: I do too

Arun: What happened?

Me: can't find my perfume

Arun: ask the maid... she'll find it

Me: can I kiss you?

Arun: when we meet... yes... of course

shine

You are trying to get me

But you won't, I'm already

Taken by God and all his

Loves into a Paradise

Of clouds and Shines

Of Moonrays shining

Upon me sweetly, brilliantly.

Journal 6.25 pm 21.10.2025 dream of taxes

Dear Journal,

I had a dream that i was studying or working in a place with only women and many eclectic spots with werewolves and other eclectic animals there. I meet the werewolve's wife.

There is an actress there in a beautiful dress and two kids. I feel she lives a drab life.

Someone genially asks me why i havent asked her for help with my taxes. I go home for a bit to arrange my documents and I am back with arranged documents.

Then I woke up.

The place was a place of study for women where everybody loves me.

I am feeling:

Happy

Healthy

Full of love

Journal 9.25 am 20.10.2025 seeing Tanav

Dear Journal,

I saw a dream but I don't remember much of it. I remember Tanav clinging to me. I've been seeing that often.

I have a feeling that something major has broken.

As I was going down to smoke my first cigarette I realised that some 40, 50 rupees is missing from my wallet.

Anyway... I think I'll get the money back.

I miss Arun.

All I feel like doing is sleeping this October... is it drugs? It should be!

I am grateful for the money I have.

I am grateful for my relationships.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I am feeling:

Happy

Secure

In need of yoga

Conversation with the masses 11.25 pm 19.10.2025

Masses: Did you ever want to be famous?

Me: Not really... but I know I don't want to be notorious

Masses: how do you pray

Me: I pray each moment... each moment my mind is immersed in prayer 

Masses: We love you... thanks for the magic

Me: I love you too... it's been my pleasure... good night!

Masses: you are the best... good night!

Zing bread

By Doel Sengupta

The bread I ate today was pink

In a solid buttery layered cake

Caught in Melony tangy zing

And the efforts that the Baker made

Made my day by half past eight. 

I fed the horse and his mare

A little soda and some cheddar shred

With cheese in a spread.

What a day it has been!

Me all of sweet sixteen.

Victory is nigh!

By Doel Sengupta

Victory is nigh and the pulpit so high

Where tarpaulin sheets lightly lie

On the bones of the past and Sigh!

I am so taken up by the purple pups

And the brown horsies and the cups

That make me make another round

Of all those now unbound and sound,

All those who walk clothed or naked

Or sleeping or desireful or walking

Or running, all those who lie sit up

Waking sacred waters of life run

And the Yamuna surges and

The Brahmaputra blares and blazes sun!

And the golden light of buttery milk

Washes down every throat and of course

The food is sumptuous as those of

All ages are now twelve in youth and oft

I sit and meditate, contemplate on my

Boss's favourite nudes and paints

Are splashed and money is made

And all of us now eternally celebrate

The immortal light of life in our blood

And salty sardines on our plate and cups

And soon many maidens of youth all twelve

Into the secret loving arms of life delve

As love touches all hearts, the Genie's love

And all are freed from captivity

But we captivate and bewitch

And enchant the seamstresses 

And the hostesses who so kindly

Serve in Lhasa where the purple pups

On purple hills make music pleasant

With hardworking peasants

And we get presents this victory day

When it is nigh as I sit high on life!

Victory, Victory,  Victory is in me!

Journal 6.18 pm 19.10.2025 feeling hurt

Dear Journal,

I'm feeling hurt. I really miss Arun.

I know from experience that my mind has never ever lied to me no matter how preposterous its imaginations.

Life has many secrets. Life is beautiful. Yet this evening I sit hurt and scathed because Arun doesn't reply to my messages. He just went away.

All doctors are wrong. Each and every doctor is wrong and the hospital system is evil.

I want work. I really do. My mind is immersed in God and love and life.

Today I dyed my hair black. It looks stupid. I'll go to Roman and get some good hair dye.

I want work. I want Arun's love and care but it's been so long.

There is no true freedom without service and love. I am grateful that our building is experiencing a scaffolding project only.

I am grateful for the money I have.

I am grateful for the shelter over my head and the food that I eat.

I am grateful for this journal.

I am grateful for friends.

I am grateful for common sense.

I am grateful for the plush job that has come into my life.

I am grateful that I am famous and respected.

I am grateful for Pa, Buro, Sadhya, Ma and Arun's good health.

I am grateful for all my good teachers and students.

I am grateful for my intelligence and mind.

I was feeling hurt before beginning this entry but now I feel just fine.

I am feeling:

Happy

Sweet

Missing Arun phenomenally

Full of love and life

Grateful for the bright immortal future ahead of me

Grateful for Paradise

Diwali ki dher saari shubhkamnayein to all!

Love,

Me.

6.30 pm

My meditations on independence

By Doel Sengupta

Since times gone past revolutions great have been fought for freedom and independence. Yet there is not one successful nation, organisation or person that survives without collaboration.

Then what is independence and what is dependence and why is dependency viewed so poorly these days?

Stephen Covey writes about this vastly in his book 'Seven Habits....'

Till you haven't experienced dependency you can't be independent and independence isn't the be all and end all. A higher value is interdependence... a healthy dependence and an enjoyment of a healthy dose of freedom, counter balanced, is what is the aim of human life.

Till you don't prove yourself to be dependable you can't be interdependent. You should prove worthy of people's dependence. This takes me to another point.

No job is too big or small. Whether it be cleaning vessels for which many don't get paid or sweeping or a plush executive's job or being a railway engineer or anything, those that perform their labour with a spirit of service enjoy respect and love.

Rabindranath Tagore said, quote unquote, "I slept and wanted life to be joy. I woke and  found that service is joy."

So this concept of independence is sullied. There is really no true freedom in a symbiotic association and without a healthy synergistic symbiotism there is no love.

So seek not independence but a life of service where all labour becomes joy. Seek to live in harmony without begrudging labour and be good to those who suffer. That is true interdependence. That is true freedom.

Seek and you shall find.

Conversation with God 9.18 am 19.10.2025 I love you God, I love my little one the most

God: How are you shona?

Me: Fine God... I need a good high-paying job.

God: Where do you want to work?

Me: In Cotton World!

God: I'll make it happen by 4.11.2025... pakka vada 

Me: Thank you God... are you angry with me?

God: Not at all anymore

Me: Who is angry with me?

God: Nobody

Me: What should I do God?

God: Just be mine

Me: I am yours God..

God: Vinashini

Me: Are you fine God?

God: Absolutely these days... Harmat... harpak 

Me: you are the cutest these days...

God: And Buro?

Me: I love him the most

God: He is your first born?

Me: I love you... I worship you

God: The cotton world job will come at rupees 11 crore per month...

Me: easily?

God: very easily...

Me: can I smell you

God: Now you can...

Journal 19.10.2025 8.58 am recurring dream

Dear Journal,

I have been having a recurring dream of a bunch of men in white shirts.

It's Diwali and I miss Arun.

I miss a happy family life.

I miss my camaraderie with Buro.

I want a high- paying job.

Love,

Me.

9.01 am

Journal 9.24 am 18.10.2025 All doctors will go away

Dear Journal,

I had a dream that I was very quiet. I was making nuts and bolts for a military parade and a few doctors were trying to be part of the parade.

Then I saw a few doctors trying to get nail polish applied when I was standing in line to have nail polish put. Cheron had gone ahead in the nail polish line and was calling the doctors to her.

Then I saw a doctor fixing some packed lehengas as if it were their business.

Throughout the dream I was very quiet.

I'm having okay days. I really miss Arun. Why was he so angry with me? I really want to meet him.

I miss Chotto and I want a pleasant family life.

I am grateful for my healthy relationships.

I am grateful for being the world's number one Tarot reader.

I am grateful for my good health.

I am grateful for the money in my life.

I am grateful for my boyfriend who is the world's best boyfriend, Ma Pa and chotto and all my good friends.

I am grateful for love life and God.

I am feeling:

Like I have e a cold.

Itchy in the back.

Eager to start my day and write my novel.

Happy

Sweet

Love,

Me.

9.34 am

Journal 6.51 pm ist 17.10.2025 yesterday's event was beautiful

Dear Journal,

DuMa is not coming for one month. I don't like the new cook as much because subtly he throws a lot of attitude. He is decent. DuMa is a far better cook.

Yesterday I poured my heart into the event at Trident and met many people I've met before.

The food was OK and I really really miss Arun.

I met some strange people yesterday. Very very strange people. I was heckled in the train while coming back home.

I get strange calls and messages from Buro's number. This has been happening for years.

I don't want our building to be torn down. Across the area buildings are being torn down and Buro, Arun and Pa lie a lot to me.

All day I was with strange people at home and they didn't tell me.

Father Sky will our building be hit?

Father Sky: Not at all! You have been vindicated!

Alec Smart: Jahan Building Tha wahan hill top Hai... tum Queen ki Tarah raho... no separation...

Me: What about the Delhi houses Father Sky...

Father sky: They are yours...

Alec Smart: You are my Queen! Lots of kisses to you...

I also got paid very little money for yesterday's gig. Tried to connect well with all I met. I'm trying to live my life. I'll start my Tarot channel soon!

I am feeling: Happy

Hopeful

In need of a very very good job

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for the Sheksaraiya event.

I am grateful for the huge palace for me.

I am grateful for my super sweet job coming up.

I got offered 60000 dirhams per month in 2023 May by Khaleej Times. Any other person would have grabbed the opportunity.  I thought about the children and especially Arun and didn't go.

Some strange woman is in the house right now wearing my clothes and walking around.

They all wear disguises and walk around and people go to doctors. That is so damn sad!

Love,

Me.

7.06 pm

Conversation with Arun 17.10.2025 5.18 pm Gunjan and Karan have broken into the house

Sweetest heart: Honey are you fine?

Me: how are they breaking into the house?

Sweetest heart: they were all burgling the houses... this is what they do... we should have never done the play

Me: when are you coming home

Sweetest: soon... Honey... don't leave when they make such plans

Me: where are the dried fruits?

Sweetest: with me by 6

Me: I can't tolerate criminals

Sweetest: Neither can I?

Me: Now may I go for a walk?

Sweetest: lock your door

Me: will you meet me?

Sweetest : Yes... After 5.30... then I think Hercules will be at home and then I'll come around 8

Me: I love you... I need a good job with a high pay

Sweetest heart: being arranged by Santa Claus... this is the problem with being famous

Me: you are right... shona

Conversation with Chotto 12.29 pm 17.10.2025

Me: Chotto... how's it going?

Chotto: All good... I'm earning money

Me: Do you need a magic trick

Chotto: you were being harassed for so many years

Me: Yes

Chotto: you are the best... I really admire you

Me: I admire you too

Chotto: I know... The last 17 years were crap... it'll get better now

Me: I need money Chotto

Chotto: Take it from Ma's purse... from December there will be no charges on us

Me: People were so bad

Chotto: Not all people Dodo... just a few

Me: I love you

Chotto: muccchhhhhaaaaaaaah

Conversation with Dad 17.10.2025 12.16 pm

Dad: Buri....

Me: Dad is everything fine with you?

Dad: in every way everything is fine with me now

Me: Dad why are you being so harsh on me

Dad: I am just acting

Me: Why? Get real!

Dad: No

Me: Dad I really love you

Dad: I love you more

Me: Dad don't be worried

Dad: I am not worried about a thing

Me: I love you

Dad: you don't worry your sweet head

Me: Dad... Dad.. 

Dad: Yes?

Me: will Arun meet me?

Dad: of course! He loves you... even he is acting

Me: What should I do?

Dad: whatever you feel like doing... when you take money wait for the coast to be clear

Me: sure...

Conversation with dad 17.10.2025 11.51 pm

Dad: how was your party yesterday?

Me: Good

Dad: Madhuri is leaving the house after giving us the money...

Me: I see

Dad: I want you to take responsibility around the house

Me: Definitely 

Dad: Keep your room locked when you leave... has she stolen a lot of things?

Me: A lot of things

Dad: she is going to get arrested 

Me: Really Dad?

Dad: Yes... I know you need money... very very soon... in a matter of days I'll give you some solid money and work and I think you'll get a job... go down for a walk around 4

Me: I'll do that... I love you dad

Dad: I love you the most

Me: thanks for your support

Dad: this cook will never steal so be sweet to him

Me: sure

Dad: and take responsibility for the milk

Me: done

Dad: Eat well today

Me: have a great day today!

Conversation with my sweetest heart 8.17 pm 15.10.2025

Sweetest heart: shona... are you fine?

Me: I love you... I want to kiss your nose

Sh: Why?

Me: Because it smells so good

Sh: really?

Me: it smells divine 

Sh: wedding bells are ringing

Me: Really?

Sh: Yes... bebushka

Me: Do you love me?

Sh: I love you more

letter to Arun 15.10.2025 2.42 pm life threat from Nitesh

Dear Arun,

Nil/tesh and his mother have entered the house and are threatening to beat me up.

Love,

Dowl

Letter to my children 2.05 pm I love all of you 15.10.2025

Dear children,

I love all of you. I love how all of you smell.

And believe me I don't think you are selfish and abominable.

Each of you has a unique gift that no one else in the world has. All of us good beings are endowed by Mother Nature such.

When you leave the house today whisper a prayer to Mother Nature.

I am fine... how are all of you?

I need to earn money and am trying my best.

In the film industry the casting couch has bothered me plus the plagiarism, badmouthing and house break ins and non-payment of dues.

I want a job working with all of you. Could you make that happen?

Also I bless all of you in all your endeavours with all my might. Forgive me if you feel me, dad, Chotto or my dad have ever wronged you.

I love all of you... each specially and uniquely.

Each of you is my meaning and my reason and every step I take I take for you.

Love,

Me.

2.15 pm

Conversation with dad 15.10.2025 12.32 am

Dad: Buri how are you feeling?

Me: under pressure... how are you feeling dad?

Dad: I'm under immense pressure to remove criminals from the face of thus Universe

Me: What do you need from me dad?

Dad: I need you to wear your black dress, dupatta, orange boots and weave magic

Me: done dad... pakka promise... do I need to chant?

Dad: not really... you are also getting free cigarettes from my guy in less than ten days and a beautiful magic card from me in less than 10 days..luik6uluk6u6u6u6iu6klu6u66uuu6u6u6u6u6u6u6u6u6

Me: is that a promise dad?

Dad: I've never broken my promise to you... even the pills have stopped but we are not taking any chances... weave magic

Me: done dad.. Dad I worship you

Dad: tightest hug and huge muccchaaah 

Me: I love you Dad

Dad: I love you too

Conversation with Arun 11.24 pm 14.10.2025

Arun: Honey I'm almost home

Me: how are you feeling?

Arun: fagged and tired

Me: Anything you need from me?

Arun: You. Basically you...

Me: I'm trying to sleep

Arun: how are you?

Me: trying to make things work out

Arun: and with me?

Me: it's all good

Arun: I'll meet you soon. Arun will

Me: pakka?

Arun: pakka promise

Me: I need money

Arun: take money from my wallet tomorrow

Me: I love you... will you marry me?

Arun: of course I will... good night shona

Me: good night sweetest smelling rose

letter to Arun 6.48 pm ist on 14.10.2025 just got a death threat

Dear Arun,

Pradeep Sharma just gave me a death threat a while ago. He threatened to kill me based on false accusations.

Don't try to be the King of the Universe right away. Preserve your commonality for 5 years till October 14th 2030 and be humble with good people and kill these criminals for me please.

I'm tired of these death threats. I'm tired of these threats to our lives. The children are behaving abominable. They are not really children.

The Universe attained immortality in 1990 March and plants on Feb 23, 2023... immortality has been attained.

Shake the Army! Get me Justice in the Nirbhaya case! Let all the chits burn tonight.

Stay by my side and be a common gentleman for five years honey.... for my sake please.. 

Let's forget the children for some time. They are demanding and selfish.

Love,

Your baby.

6.54 pm

Shangrila

By Doel Sengupta

Shangrila my home

And D 639 where

I was born

And I 1784 my

Birthright

With all the papers

Given to God

Not worn or torn...

All our homes

Are protected

And all the towers

Stand tall

And Shangrila

And its people

My children

Have the last laugh

And only a ball!

Parties in Shangrila

Money flowing in

For Us

And the Moon

On my head

And a beautiful

Layer of sweet

Musty sun dust!

It pours in Shangrila!

It rains and droughts

Are wiped out...

Harvests are magnanimous

And all are sugar

Is restored!

The world gazes

At Shangrila

As if it were the

Very moon

Berry berry

Sweet

And cherry cherry

Noon!

Shangrila

Is protected,

Shangrila

Is safe!

Conversation with Arun and Hercules 4.41 pm 14.10.2025

Hercules: Dodo... I've cracked the whole case

Arun: it was an attack from outer space

Me: I know

Hercules: I've cracked it... in how much time should I submit the final report?

Me: Let me check.... in five hours... it's 4.45 pm now

Hercules: sure... I've cracked this case

Me: The Earth had been attacked by aliens who are all disappearing now

Arun: So chotto... I'm with you

Hercules: this was all about the king and queen of the Universe

Me: I need money

Hercules: it's yours to take

Me: what's the plan

Arun: same old.. good news

Hercules: great!!!!!! Is it already there?

Me: Yes

Arun: Honey will you marry me? Are you angry with me?

Me: not at all

Hercules: sure?

Me: Yes... I'm just passed off at the school and at all the digging... are the children fine

Hercules: Yes... they are

Me: Just be careful around 2.30 am to 3.30 am

Arun: I love both of you... now honey and Hercules let's work and relax

Conversation with my shona pops 11.25 pm 13.10.2025

Pops: Buri I'm giving you a card in ten days.

Me: Really?

Pops: of course!

Me: I can't believe it... why aren't you talking to me properly?

Pops: I've taken a vow of silence

Me: from me?

Pops: Yes

Me: What do you want me to do?

Pops: Don't leave this house

Me: I promise you I won't

Pops: good night... muccchah 

Me: mmm mmm muwaah good night! 

Conversation with my Chotto Bacha 11.09 pm 13.10.2025

Me: chotto where are you?

Chotto: Right here... are you fine?

Me: Absolutely... when is mikki coming home?

Chotto: very soon!

Me: I love you the most!

Chotto: I do too... any thing important?

Me: I want a card... I want money... I want immortality... and I want respect from you!

Chotto: Done! I'll give you a card in 15 days..

Me: Really? I love you... you are the apple of my eyes

Chotto: you are my chotti baby bachcha

Me: I'm so happy!

Chotto: same here!

Me: good night!

Chotto: sleep well... wish you sweet dreams... you don't know how much I love you

Me: muccchaaah

Conversation with Arun 13.10.2025 10.54 pm

Arun: Bebu how are you?

Me: how are you?

Arun: I'm very good... thanks for the magic trick! Do you need money?

Me: Yes I do

Arun: Do you want to be financially independent?

Me: Yes.  I also want you, Buo and Pa to manage my finances.

Arun: Done. I'll date you very soon

Me: Promise me that... and will you please give me a card?

Arun: of course! Till then take money from my wallet

Me: when will I get a card...

Arun: this month

Me: I love you

Arun: I love you more... muwaah 

Conversation with Arun 13.10.2025 12.15 am

Arun: Honey... I miss you

Me: But you meet me

Arun: Yes I do... but that's just for a bit... I miss talking to you... will you marry me?

Me: of course I will!

Arun: Do you love me?

Me: of course I do!

Arun: What do you want from me?

Me: What do you want to give me?

Arun: What do you want to give me?

Me: everything...

Arun: you stay in the vase from now on...

Me: Alright...

Arun: you have a lot of work coming up and believe me I've got you immortality 

Me: I love you

Arun: I love you the most 

Conversation with Arun, Shona Pa and Shona Bachcha 11.37 pm 12.10 2025

Me: What is really happening?

Pa: The right thing.

Bachcha: What?

Me: you will realise everything Shona Buo Bachcha.

Arun: Honey you are everything to me.

Me: Are you sure? Because when you broke up with me you said otherwise.

Arun: muwaah.

Buo: Dodo... who is your best friend.

Me: Definitely you...

Pa: I love you. BURO I love you... and you bui are the apple of my eyes and you my son I can't live without you.

Me: So it's official... me and Shona Bachcha are best friends?

Pa and Arun: Sorry if you feel we wronged you....

Me and Buo: Both of you did...

Buo: But I hope to the Goddess you two are not criminals... because you two do behave like two criminals...

Me: Buo....

Buo: No Dodo... say it all...

Me: Pa ... what is with the cold treatment...

Pa: I'm trying my best... I should have had them arrested a long time ago... a crime is a crime...

Arun: Honey... am I a criminal?

Me: The last thing you and the two of you are are criminals... have you ever broken the law shweetest heart?

Arun: Never... you Buo..

Buo: Never... Bharat Mata Teri Kasam... now you say Naish?

Arun: Never broken the law... Bharat Mata Teri Kasam... you dad?

PA: NEVER... SAARE JAHAN SE ACHCHA HINDOOSTAN HUMARA... and you Bui?

Doel: Never... just taking a few bucks from Ma's purse... Never broken the law ever... I hate corruption... I hate crime... JANA GANA MANA ADHINAYAK JAYA HE BHARAT BHAGYA VIDHATA... BHARAT MATA TERI KASAM... my head is in whirls... Honey come home... you'll get lots of kisses from me... you three are everything to me... so are the children... but for once you three... let the law take it's course...

Pa: Precisely ... have you two understood?

Arun: Roger!

Buo: Roger that!

Me: Good night! The sweetest kisses to you three and the children and to our true friends... I won't do a magic trick now... The Law is great! Good night to all our friends...

Arun: Yes... good night!

Mind

By Doel Sengupta

Mind all dust,

My mind never a rust,

In my mind you eternally reside,

Sweet melody,

Sweet symphony

Of love and life...

Sweetest mind,

One with the universal mind,

Never tainted by sin,

Ever virtuous,

Sweetest mind.

-- dedicated to my darlingest brother of whom I know all through the dent of my mind!

Our homes are ours

By Doel Sengupta

All our homes are our cozy spots

With soft mattresses and

Memories we bought!

I rise as a falcon into the dusk

Sprinkling stardust on all our homes!

All the deeds cozy are in my name

And what is fame! It's in my name!

Cozy homes! Cozy spots!

Sweetly feeding all our tots!

My homes protected by me

All for all eternity, watch and see!

Cozy homes, cozy spots,

Cotton hubs with cotton dots!

There is no anger

By Doel Sengupta

My place of birth

And my home

I save always

Hot or cold...

Into the heavens

My mind resides

In God's being

I recite hymns and chants

And tell many sweet tales

Of birds and gypsies,

The King and whales...

I write, I paint,

I wash free the world

Of delusions!!!!

Who am I?

A Genie! Not a ghost,

The Queen of the Universe

In whom today

There is no anger!

Free of Illness

By Doel Sengupta

All illnesses started in the mind 

And with wounded corpses

That were wound and wined....

It's just bad food, injuries, poisoning,

Ill thoughts and black magic

That ever caused illnesses

So be careful my children!!!!

Hearken hearken!!!!

I speak most true

That illnesses are gone

Just eat a few carbs or two...

Sugary food in yoga is

The most healthy, ask any doyen!!!

So get some sun, gaze at the moon

Into the skies and eat a healthy meal

And get some exercise and live an

Immortal life free of illness,

In Paradise with ten good habits!

Tarot

By Doel Sengupta

The Tarot is supremely divine

With the original having hundred shines,

The fifth suit the clover is missing but found

In my black boots and with all my lit shroud....

The meaning is utterly heaven

And all the cards can be read

Sweetly and tempened....

The original's numbers are sacred

And given: the Law of Probability 

And synchronicity guiding them--

I Jung devised them true

In my heart, with my body

With every sacred hue...

The Devil is very nice today,

But where hides God in my lair?

My hair secure, my sound divine,

In my mother's womb,

In my father's life...

In hubbard's laugh,

In brother's feet

And in God I reside,

The greatest at Tarot!

Freudian Frankl

Without deceit. 

Let us all Hail

The Greatest Tarot Queen,

Sweetly, securely

With all bots dead!

The King of the Universe

By Doel Sengupta

The King of the Universe

Is the King of the Multiverse

And can launch himself

Anytime from any post;

The greatest magician,

My sweetest heart!!!!!

The King of The Universe

Has the last laugh!

We lovingly call him God

And pray to him divine

And all his eyes are soft

With love and alluring light!!!

Sweetest, most precious

Mine he is!!! Pray to him

And be his, aligned to him

For divine benefits!!!

Richest, sweetest, most courageous,

Most loyal, fiercome, sweetest--

The King of the Universe

Is the King of the Multiverse,

My sweetest greatest heart!

All Hail the King of the Universe!!!!!

Indian Postal Service

By Doel Sengupta

All Hail the postman!!!!

All Hail the good post woman!!!!

Toiling in the soil, the sun, the rain!!!!

With dry leaves produced

By Doel Emterprises Limited

Unneglected, always feed

The Indian Postal Service

That runs, sprints, swims and jumps,

Pushes and pulls and throws afar,

Olympians!!!!! Working at a zero

Percent inflation rate!!!!

The Indian Postal Service

Is my favourite damaging

And destroying all the couriers!!!!

Mine, mine, mine....

All Hail the Indian Postal Service!!!!!!

The rift

By Doel Sengupta

Our rift is a gift to me,

Silence everywhere,

Silence on the hills,

In the wills of desires,

In Honeydew land

Red crimson comes calling 

Freely as we surely land

Into the hands of God,

With the wands of love

And life I arise into

Heavens unseen

By the world

Into infinite mindscapes,

Many landscapes,

Use your tongue,

Say sweet words

To me, loving eternally.

My babies conquer

By Doel Sengupta

My babies conquer all

To dance tonight

And have a grand ball

In the halls of fame

In the flames of virtues

In the cottonbed

Of good desires

So textured,

So honeydewed!

Journal 11.10.2025 2.25 pm ist partha Sinha threatens

Dear Journal,

I slept for 14 hours straight because of the pills. PARTHA SINHA HAS ENTERED THE HOUSE AND IS THREATENING ME WITH FALSE ACCUSATIONS.

I need to earn money but Times of India is fighting me.

My boyfriend is the cutest guy in the whole world. Times of India uses lasers to control people.

My address is 604 603 shangrila b, seven bungalows andheri west, mumbai: 400061...

My phone numbers are 9324702207 and 8369886122. You are all welcome to contact me. Times of India has blocked a few of my email accounts so not sharing the email ID.

My boyfriend Arun:

I love all of you

#nirbhayaisalive...

I am feeling:

Loved

Missing my boyfriend a lot!

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life and for all the things going well for me.

Love,

Me.

Ps: Arun I really miss smelling you....

Journal 11.10.2025 1.29 am A dream of Tanav as a big boy

Dear Journal,

I had a dream that times of India is really fighting to stay afloat and saying falsely that I support them to the public.

Sadhya and Ma feed me lots of sweets and Tanav comes as a big boy and I call him Arun and he hugs me and doesn't let me go.

Buro supports this.

Arun is fighting hard to meet me.

Tanav tells me he will make 5 crore in one year and I tell him not to do anything that he knows will not work out. As in not to gamble. That goes for all. My advice to myself, my advice to all.

Love,

Me.

1.34 pm

Conversation with Arun 8.10.2025 10.39 pm

Arun: Honey are you fine?

Me: not completely... what's happening

Arun: be careful till the 14th

Me: I will... same goes for you

Arun: Honey.... you are the best

Me: So are you! I can't live without you

Arun: Don't call... just go

Me: I love you

conversation with Jughead, Archie, Big Moose, Big Ethel and Reggie

Big Ethel: who is in the house?

Reggie: it's a random guy. Mr Khanna

Big moose: Are you fine Big Ethel and Jughead and Archie...

Archie: Yes... we are...

Big ethel: how are you Archie and Jughead?

Archie: fantastic!

Reggie: dad is fine Big Ethel, I am fine, we are all fine...

Conversation with Pa 8.36 pm 7.10.2025

Pa: I'm not taking any chances.

Me: you are the best!

Pa: who is the apples of your eyes...

Me: Arun... dad I worship you

Pa: you are the apples of my eyes...

Conversation with Arun on 7.10.2025 8.29 pm

Arun: I love you the most.

Me: What do you want from me.

Arun: first you then everything but frankly maximum love.

Me: That's for Buro.

Arun: Are you going out for a walk?

Me: I don't want to.

Arun: Do you love me more than I love you?

Me: No... you love me the most.

Arun: you are a rich man's wife.

Me: can you please give me some pocket money?

Arun: take it from my wallet, ok?

Me: who is your favourite cat...

Arun: Tom

Me: mine is my the Cheshire cat.

Journal 1.19 pm 7.10 2025 in tired of the Cigarette guys and versova welfare school

Dear Journal,

I'm tired of the Cigarette guys forcing me to smoke cigarettes and all the schools that disrupt harmony... there has been no childbirth since 1991 and these children are just pretending to be children. 

I am tired.

Love, 

Me.

1.21 pm

Conversation with Mr Kampani and Arun 7.10.2025 12.38 pm

Arun: shona what do you want from me?

Ka: she wants you to manage her finances and give her money.

Arun: Do you love me Honey?

Ka: Do you love her?

Arun: Do the two of you have any health issues?

Ka: No.

Me: ciao!

Conversation with Arun on cigarettes 6.10.2025 11.28 pm

Me: Arun how are you?

Arun: I am fine shona... I'll smoke a cigarette with you everyday.

Me: will you give me money to smoke?

Arun: obviously! You will never be without money and I'll tell you..

Me: What?

Arun: our lives have turned around

Me: Because of me? Because of us

Arun: I didn't say that to you... I promise you

Me: I love you...

Arun: I'll meet you very soon... Naina is not our daughter... neither are ayesha Alyssa ayu... Kabir is our friend...

Me: What do you want from me?

Arun: money in my account...

Me: wish granted easily

Arun: I miss you

Me: I miss you more

Arun: taking a Mannat is wrong

Me: Really?

Arun: you are the best President the country has ever seen

Me: I love you

Arun: I love you the most 

Me: What should I do now?

Arun: go with the flow

conversation with Pasaldigikar, Arun and Shona Pa 6.10.2025 11.06 pm

Me: Dear Pa I've smoked over 14 million 1 thousand one hundred and 56 cigarettes so far. I don't want to quit smoking but I need money.

Arun: Honey, I'm so sorry... I'm fighting for Naina because she keeps talking to me... I love you the most. To my eyes you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world.

Pasaldagikar: you are getting free cigarettes.

Pa: you will get free cigarettes from ms. Not from the Cigarette guys who did not pay their taxes. All cigarette shops will shut down because they kept the signage unless they remove it. Smoke smoke... I will give you money.

Arun: Honey... The children are most harrassing. Yamini is harrassing me over money. Even there his granddaughter is harrassing him for money. The children just want money from us... nothing else... what should we do?

Me: Don't give them money... Honey we are supposed to get free cigarettes.

Arun: I'll make it happen... I'll never argue with you ever... I'm so sorry for breaking up with you and insulting you because of Yamini... you are my highest priority.

Pasaldigikar: The cigarette guys support Manavi!!!!!!! I'll never forget it.

Conversation with Mr Ambani and Mr Adani on 6.10.2025 10.01 pm

Adani: How are you Doel?

Ambani: any troubles?

Doel: I am fine. Just feeling frazzled and I need money.

Adani: even we have little on us.

Doel: use the money wisely. When will the bills and pills stop?

Ambani: very very soon ... never Again.. I'm feeling heavy headed...

Doel: Do balancing exercises, sitting and sleeping exercises and head rotations for sure.

Adani: I need a yoga teacher

Doel: I'll teach the two of you top... bks Iyengar is the best teacher... I hope to meet him soon...

Adani: your yoga student selection has started... your job is in your production house and we will contact you for yoga classes very soon...

Doel: sure thing Mr Adani and Mr Ambani... drink lemon juice with honey on an empty stomach each morning... and if you feel heavy headed do the sitting and supine poses and the head rotations... heavy headed Ness is also an imbalance in the chakras so do sethubandasan and also some twisting exercises... you can even do free hand exercises... rotate your waste and hip top for 40 counts

Ambani: thank you so much

Adani: see you soon Doel!

Doel: Good night! You two... sleep well

conversation with all my good teachers 6.10.2025 9.37 pm

Me: mam how are you?

Tea: all very good. What are you doing these days.

Me: I'm trying to earn money by writing, painting and Tarot. My three men are helping me. What about you mam?

Tea: I'm treating so called mentally unwell people.

Me: Do it well. Get them off the doctor.

Tea: you are the sweetest girl I know.

Me: mam I love you... good night!

Tea: Good night!

Menu and schedule from Mama Papa Fund for all good animals for 7.10.2025

Breakfast: pranayam, yoga, prayers, bathing, juices (8 kinds), coffee, tea, idling, sambar, chutney, onion Parathas

Lunch: work + Sindhi kadhi + jeera rice + Papad + tomato chutney + Aloo jeera fry + puris + chaas

Dinner: relax + pray + play + Aloo paratha (unlimited) + raita + pickle + fruits

The plum

By Doel Sengupta

The plum that looks so Glum

Deep down in soaking rum

Drowned with all my gum

And as teeth sprout out

Miraculously from the roots

Out into the lovely loves

And springing strong shoots, 

Green or blue or pink pronounced

Sweet and golden Deejay announced

And doel here rudrashish there

And my sweetest heart everywhere...

Sweet plum so juicy, so tart, so ripe

As one with the heavens

Swallowed in one swipe. 

Conversation with Santa Claus 6.10.2025 7.30 pm

Dad: Buri... we can't smoke for some time even though smoking is good for health

Buri: it won't be tough dad... it will just take some discipline... how are you feeling Dad?

Dad: excellent! I'm the greatest villain if this Ps Raju is a good guy...

Buri: Dad what should I do now?

Dad: whatever you feel like doing?

Buri: Dad, do you love me?

Dad: That's a stupid question!

Buri: you are a smart talented unique person in demand because I worship you Dad...

Dad: you are my favourite elf...

Buri: Dad do we need to do magic to send the Christmas gifts!

Dad: Leave it all to me...

Buri: What should I do?

Dad: focus on your blog, novel and Tarot.. enjoy the 16th.. eat and come... now let me be

Buri: I can't let you be

Dad: Eat your dinner and write

Buri: good night Dad

Dad: mishti

Conversation with my sweetest heart 6.10.2025 6.57 pm

Arun: shona... are you fine?

Me: Yes... how are you?

Arun: Honey, I don't feel like chanting and doing any activities... this Seema Dhir is so annoying...

Me: There is a time for everything honey... my cards say 18th... what do you need from me?

Arun: I need you... I've done magic tricks all day

Me: Arun who are you most angry with?

Arun: with the children! And you?

Me: not with you... with Dheeraj Rathod...

Arun: fine... this is a good way to have a conversation till our next date which is definitely after 18th... do you have money?

Me: a little bit... read my blog...

Arun: I will shona pie... my cutest pie honey Seema Dhir is so stupid

Me: ya

Arun: I think I'll just give it back to them... why are they keeping us here

Me: they are not...

Arun: so what should I do?

Me: how's your health?

Arun: good... some pain in my foot because of the pills

Me: do shirshasana when you can...

Arun: I love you... how are you feeling?

Me: frazzled

Arun: I'm sorry I hurt you

Me: Don't think about it... Arun, how will I get money

Arun: soon... November end you'll get your first prime card

Me: Arun... I love you

Arun: are you hurt? I need to be there

Me: fine... I'll be waiting

Arun: always?

Me: always... pakka vada...

Arun: I need to smell you

Me: I threw all the beedis

Arun: just sit at home now

Me: have a great night!

conversation with chotto 6.48 pm 6.10.2025

Me: Chotto! How are you?

Chotto: very good shona... I'm getting a slight backache

Me: So was I?

Chotto: What did you do to get rid of it...

Me: I did my thigh exercises in sideway reclining posture and some pelvic exercises

Chotto: you are a born yogi

Me: chotto... I love you the most... The date on the cards is 18th

Chotto: Do whatever you feel like doing... throw these beedis away...

Me: definitely! As you say... enjoy the evening!

Conversation with Subhi my yoga student and Dhruv from yi and Dheeraj my yoga teacher 6.30 pm 6.10.2025

Me: subhi how are you?

Dheeraj: Yes subhi... how is your health? And how are you too Doel?

Subhi: I am fine.

Doel: I am fine but my yoga practice has gone for a toss

Dhruv: What should I do with my career?

Subhi: What do you do?

Dhruv: I teach yoga and run a pr company

Me: focus on your good students... focus on your work and spend money only after the 18th and really make the manifestations...

Dheeraj: Yes

Me: how is your health!

Dheeraj: it's a disaster... I have a swelling on my toe

Me: this is because of the pills you are taking... give yourself a hot water pedicure with shampoo, Dettol and mehndi... use pressure to massage the swelling and apply Navratna oil each day three times a day with a mix of haldi, chilly powder, salt and oil on the swelling and the swelling will go away.. you can also use relispray... avoid the doctor at all costs... put green chilly in your diet... make a juice of pudina..., coriander, green chilly, neem and amla if you can each day... put green chillies in your diet to get rid of the swelling... eat raw garlic and some vitamin rich food each day... have milk each day with sugar... and don't pressure your swelling... and just do warm ups for a while till the swelling subsides

Subhi how is your health?

Subhi: I am fine... I'm coming soon into your life with my reports... I don't have any problem... but now I know... I have to take the pills...

Me: What asanas are you doing?

Subhi: marjariasana and sitting asanas and shavasana...

Me: excellent! You are a very good girl... Dhruv any health issues?

Dhruv: my back is paining.. 

Me: a lot? Do padmasana... do yoni mudra till you get your practice back

Conversation with the Mali and Mr Sheksaraiya 6.10 pm on 6.10.2025

Me: hello Mr Sheksaraiya!

She: Good evening Doel! Please reach the venue by 5.30 on 16th... today is the 6th... Take care of your phone... payment will be made soon...

Me: sure sir! Thank you so much! Now Mali?

Mali: Yes mam!

She: Are you also a cannibal?

Mali: Yes sir!

Me: OK... and can the watchmen be trusted?

She: Not one of them in light blue....

Me: So how do we get rid of the Mali..

She: I've made a plan! My plans are golden!!!!

Me: My blessings be on you!!!

She: Mine on you too... please eat dinner on the 16th

Me: sure sir... now I'm feeling shy...

She: avoid the stick for a bit...

Me: sure thing!!! How's your health?

She: never been better... just a slight stomach ache....

Me: have curd... and milk with roti, banana cheeni... light diet for 5 days and do bhastrika and do backbending exercises... followed by a few forward bends...

She: thank you so much... see you soon...

Me: see you sir!

conversation between Me, Hasan, Ramuram and David in bank on 6.10.2025 5.47 pm

David: mam, you are not aware of the banking scam are you?

Me: in a way I am... spill me the beans...

Ramuram: it's not about hedge funds only...

Me: exactly... The entire stocks and shares and insurance system is a scam...

Hasan: exactly mam? Anything else?

Me: has inflation dropped to zero...

David: in a big way!!!!!!

Me: how is the real estate sector?

Hasan: you tell us...

Me: all that ya... but Robert kiyosaki was the biggest crook... The entire xerox sector is illegal... xerox is the fax machine... and the patent is with my dad... xeroxed documents can be transmitted anywhere... now all three of you make a plan each for this... now anything I need to know?

Hasan: Yes... on 3.10.2025 we completely revived Doel Enterprises Limited...

Me: and has the bmc shut down and has the Mama Papa Fund started?

Ramuram: Yes..

Me: how is Bakar Alam?

David: He is good and so is Shubham Gupta...

Me: I think this whole scam will be erased from history on 16.10.2025 by 6 pm... according to the cards... all the Army rules apply to the banking and all sectors... now one more thing...

Ramuram and hasan: Yes?

Me: how will I get my money on the sales of my poetry book...

David: soon Mam..

Me: pakka?

David and hasan: pakka vada..

Me: take care of yourselves and all the other Bankers... and remember bank is a good word... remember Piggy Bank... so be proud Bankers...

Hasan and Ramuram: Well said!

Me: Anything else?

Hasan and David: enjoy the evening!

Conversation between Doel, her upcoming clients and the children 5.29 pm 6.10.2025

Children: Mom how are you feeling?

Doel: very good children! Just feeling harassed by the Cigarette industry... just remember children... cigarettes are good for health... it's in the Botany textbook... how are you?

Children: very good... mom work has already begun... soon surprises await you...

Upcoming clients: how should we contact you...

Doel: MESSAGE ON 9324702207 ON WHATSAPP FIRST... ILL CALL YOU IF I GET GPOD VIBES...

upcoming clients: So you work with vibes?

Doel: YES... WITH ENERGY...

upcoming clients: what's the best way to energised?

Doel: prayer, exercise, food and sleep... I request the Army to take care of their health...

Upcoming clients: Point noted mam... we are coming to you...

Doel: sure my sweeties... believe me... The road ahead is easy... just remember to make your military plans a little bit each day...

Children: What about you??

Doel: right now I'm only writing... kisses to all of you... have a good evening and a great night!!!! Unless you have to children... pray stay away from cannibals....

Children: Mom you are super cute...

Doel: You all are cuter... bye... now I'm feeling super shy...

Upcoming clients: ok

conversation with me, Hercules, Cigarette Industry, Jaina and Afzal 5.04 pm ist on 6.10.2025

Me: What is the matter with you guys? Why are you making me smoke so many cigarettes...

Cig industry: sorry mam... it's not illegal to smoke... do cigarettes really not cause cancer?

Me: No... they are extremely good for health... my teachers Arunan and Vidita Vaidya taught me that... it's an ayurvedic herb... Google is bullshit... no one should trust Google

Afzal: Why did I sleep with Devyani and Husna?

Cig ind: Because they were cannibals, may be...

Jaina: Are there more cannibals around?

Me: Yes... there are... quite a few of them... it's difficult to take them out of the system because they are cannibals... are you a cannibal?

Jaina: No... Why did Rishabh Sood hit on me before paying me for Entertaining Shehzaad?

Me: Rishabh... you paid everybody and Inayat you plagiarized all my work...?

R and i: What will happen now?

Me: how many more cannibals?

Mother Earth: 85 of them... defence Minister... Take note... and now we accomplish all our missions...

Cig industry: We are sorry... just a little bit... because most of us here are cannibals...

Me: that says it all... Jaina... are you a cannibal?

Jaina: me, Afzal, Inayat and Rishabh Sood are all cannibals...

Me: no wonder I'm feeling so harassed... defence Minister note this: I am the principal investigating officer in the Panama Papers scam... tell all our army to eat well, get a little snooze at least each day and to take oil baths just once at least as they accomplish this... The rest is all up to you Defence Minister... telling the Army to take charge and finish this off... I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!

ARMY: NEITHER CAN WE PRESIDENT OF INDIA!!!!! BHARAT MATA TERI KASAM TERE RAKSHAK RAHENGE HUM!!!

me: RULES FOR THE ARMY TILL WE FINISH THIS OFF!

EAT WELL

TAKE A LITTLE SNOOZE AT LEAST EACH DAY TO REST

OIL BATH ONCE A DAY ATLEAST (WITH OIL APPLICATION IN HANDS AND NABHI)

AND LAST BUT THE MOST:::: FINISH THIS OFF FOR ME!!!! I REALLY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

ARMY: YOUR WISH IS OUR COMMAND!!!!! 

ME: MY BLEASINGS ON ALL OF YOU...

Conversation with Agnibo and Arun 4.45 pm 6.10.2025

Arun: Agnibo, what do you have to say?

Ag: A lot of things... I'll make your path to becoming the King of the Universe easy...

Me: Sure Agnibo?

Agnibo: Absolutely!

Doel: I tell you Agnibo... you and Buro are the best spies for me... I've done all your missions... I have, right?

Arun: Yes, honey... you have... with me...

Agnibo: how are you so potty about her?

Arun: I don't know (blushes) agnibo do you know?

Agnibo: is it because she is the most pious and virtuous?

Arun: not just that...

Me: So is my dad....

Arun: Yes honey, I love dad

Me: I worship dad and Chotto... he is my whole Universe... and Melon, Kat, Simba and Simboom honey... I could do anything for them... but honey why do you love me so much?

Arun: Goddess... I never lie...

Me: Did I hurt you?

Arun: No... I was just acting... here Agnibo have a beer...

Agnibo: Not until this is over...

Arun: it's over... I'll tell you a little secret...

Agnibo: What?

Arun: There is no secret... I'll never let you or her suffer EVER... so be gone my good man! And leave me alone with my wife...

Me: What rubbish! Let him stay...

Arun: Honey, what do you need?

Me: you

Arun: Anything else?

Me: it's complicated...

Agnibo: Why are you complicating this relationship...

Arun: isi me hi to mazaa Hai...

Me: Honey, the children are so naughty...

Arun: am I a Casanova?

Agnibo: no... and you Doel, what do you think?

Me: I can't believe the sacrifices he has made for me...

Agnibo: neither can the world...

Arun: it was no sacrifice... anytime for the most beautiful girl in the whole world...

Agnibo: bye... you two... I have a lot of work...

Me: see you soon Agnibo!

Agnibo: Ciao!

Conversation with Prati, Roontoon, Andy, Nit, Agnibo and Doel 6.10.2025 4.22 pm

Andy: Doel how did you not learn how to hack?

Doel: They never taught me how to hack.

Prati: that is so discriminatory. I'll tell you everything soon Agnibo.

Nit: I'm so amazed at the level the Nirbhaya case happened at.

NaMo: I am zapped. I can't believe it. Doel is the Genie from I Dream of Genie.

Roontoon: Doel...

Doel: Yes?

Roontoon: Do whatever you feel like doing...

Agnibo: Doel you are the best spy...

Doel: How?

Andy and Prati: Because you were born to be the Queen of the Universe...

Roontoon: and she is a magician...

Nit: A full-time magician... NaMo what is happening?

Namo: I don't know what to say... today I hate school teachers...

Agnibo: So does everybody... what's happened to the inflation.

Andy: it's come down to zero per cent for all eternity....

NaMo: Har Har Mahadev... now who is Devi?

Doel: I am...

Agnibo: Then who was chanso? And why did the whole world back her?

Doel: Because they found her beautiful....

Andy: That is the problem with the whole world...

Nit: They don't see beauty...

Roontoon: I don't find anybody but Melon, Kat, Buro, Doel, Santa and Arun beautiful these days... I've gone through so much... I can't tell you Doel...

Doel: Do you have money?

Roontoon: Yes I do... Do you?

Doel: A little, Yes... so let's meet... Agnibo... what will happen...

Agnibo: your social life has just begun again...

Doel: I hope it never stops...

Arun: Honey, it never will... now dad will also talk to you...

Doel: sure Honey?

Arun: I love you the most...

Prati: so do I...

A conversation on yoga between Ma, Pa, Buro, Me, bks Iyengar, Arunan, Melon and Kat 6.10.2025 4.09 pm

Me: Sir what are you up to these days?

Arunan: I'm working on a project. What about you?

Me: I'm working on multiple things. I need to get money sir.

Bks: you will earn potloads of money. Your yoga classes have started.

Me: Really? How?

Buro: Because you are the only person in the world who doesn't hack. You are so cute.

Ma: Buro always be civil with Doel. In fact Buro I'm so proud of you.

Bks and iyengar: really proud of you Buro. You Mr Sengupta? What do you think?

Pa: Party toh abhi shuru hui Hai...

Buro: Buro says enjoy live it up Chotti. Just enjoy yourself and believe me you can take money from our purses. Don't touch the maids things.

Me: Why didn't modelley come today.

Ma: Nuff said. Now Melon what do you want?

Melon: I want the Nobel Prize with Tom and Jerry. And you Kat?

Kat: I want to teach yoga with payment.

Bks: That's the best thing that could have happened to this world. And Jerry what do you want?

Jerry: I think I have won the greatest prize today.

Conversation with Arun, Chotto, Ma and Pa 6.10.2025 3.58 pm ist

Arun: Honey what did you do today?

Me: I worked on my novel. Tell me what you think will happen now Ma?

Ma: We will work in our own company and be the richest and live as the monarchy of the world because you Bui are the Queen of the Universe. Now dj did you eat properly and did Doel eat properly?

Pa: I ate well. DOEL only had fish for lunch. Buro... you didn't leave Melon and Kat here.

Buro: Pa I'm working on something very important. Chotti shono....

Me: I love you Arun. Buro I love you the absolute most.

conversation with Ma 6.10.2025 10.58 am

Me: shona where are you?

Ma: where else will I be?

Me: Ma everybody loves you...

Ma: Are you sure?

Me: Mikki... everybody loves you

Ma: Do you love me?

Me: Absolutely Ma... you are my Mikkipot...

Ma: you are my shona Ma

Me: Ma you are the best!

conversation with Arun 10.40 am 6.10.2025

Arun: will you marry me?

Me: of course I will marry you.

Arun: what's your middle name?

Me: love

Arun: I love you the most 

Me: sure?

Arun: bebu.... let's take a break from us

Me: No!!!!!!

Arun: sure?

Me: of course! Arun I need work... what should I do?

Arun: go for the Tarot event and write your scripts.... and control your cigarettes

Me: and you? How are you?

Arun: I've got a major project that you are a part of... I'll call you and talk to you about it...

Me: I love you

Arun: muwaah... now do some yoga

Me: are you getting exercise?

Arun: Yes I am... will you marry me?

Me: of course I will!

Conversation with Quasar 9.30 am 6.10.2025

Me: Dear q, how are you?

Q: very good. I want to direct your play. I'll pay you well for the script.

Me: sure?

Q: Yes. I'll meet you soon... I love you.

Conversation with Buro 6.10.2025 8.06 am

Buro: Dodo I didn't go for the movie with you

Me: Really?

Buro: you are my favourite human being. Try not smoking for some time

Me: sure. Don't say try. Be definitive.

Buro: I love you

Me: I love you the most

Buro: I'll be home soon

8.08 am

Conversation with Pa 6.10.2025 8.03 am

Me: Pa I've woken up with a broken heart.

Pa: it's all because of rkm

Me: Pa I love you and worship you

Pa: I know that... I love you too

Me: I'm seeing strange dreams that I don't remember

Pa: Do your Tarot reading

Me: who can I trust

Pa: I don't know... I'm trying my best

Me: I love you dad... you are my shona Pa

Pa: see you at home soon

Conversation with Arun 6.10.2025 7.53 am

Me: Arun have you really left me?

Arun: of course I haven't

Me: But you don't call me up

Arun: I'm sorry

Me: you should be very sorry

Arun: let's meet after Diwali

Me: Why so late?

Arun: Because I needed space and especially money.

Me: I'm worried about my career

Arun: Leave it all to me. I'm sorry you felt that I ditched you with qtp

Me: (silence)

Arun: you know I love you

Me: But you don't call me up... it's been seven months since we met

Arun: muwaah... have a great day

Me: you too.

Journal 5.10.2025 10.55 pm looking for a way out

Dear Journal,

My paintings are selling, my scripts are selling and yet people like Sahil Sethi don't want me to have money.

He needs to pay me for a lot of work. He is such an ass. He badmouthed me to the entire film industry and just has only taken advantage of me.

I need work. I'm tired of all the rumour-mongering against me by the likes of all my friends in the media.

I have never spread rumours. I'll win the next election easily.  Mr Bhandari is also harrassing me. So is Riteish.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.

I am feeling:

Harassed by the media.

Harassed by Punita Bhakta.

Love,

Me.

11 pm

King

By Doel Sengupta

Oh my king I love you so

When I am high and I am low

Sweetly nestled at your feet

Far from fault or deceit;

I wander everywhere

In your sprightly strong arms

In the forests and in the farms.

A conversation with my children 4.10.2025

Me: Children are you fine?

Ch: Yes we are! Are you fine mom?

Me: Absolutely... do everything but don't break the law

Ch: sure mom!

Me: I love all of you...

conversation with Arun, chotto, pops 7.57 pm 4.10.2025

Me: What really happened today Pa?

Pa: We were drugged and assassinated...

Me: when are you three coming home...

Arun: I'm back home to you Honey for all eternity....

Hercules: I'm also back...

Pa: Now I'll enter and this drugging won't happen ever now...

Me: I love the three of you...

Journal 3.10.2025 4.05 pm

Dear Journal,

I am being sedated everyday. I'm being sedated in my morning juices by Shaurya Nanavati and today I slept till 3.45 pm.

I had a dream that Mash and Kk are the same person.

I am grateful for the creative process.

I am grateful for all the money and love in my life.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings in my life.

I am grateful for happiness and freedom and good friends.

I am feeling:

Happy

Collected

Dishevelled

Love,

Me.

4 09 pm

Journal 3.10.2025 1.37 pm I am nirbhaya

Dear Journal,

I am Nirbhaya and my family treats me very badly over this. Buro disrespects me, my father threatens me, Ma is horrible to me and Arun left me over Rumours. I want justice in the Nirbhaya rape and murder case.

Love,

Doel

1.39 pm

God God God takes charge because he is the King of the Universe

By Doel Sengupta

God in raiments so divine 

Blithe and light and serene 

And sweet and sweetest

Animal lover, animal king

Of the Universe

With full control

Sweetest lover of Love

And life richest in his

Kingdom multiversal

Universal are beautiful

Angels singing his praises

Each moment, all the time

With me dancing happy rich

My God and our children blissed.

A conversation between Arunan, buo bacha and Goddess 6 47 pm ist 2.10.2025

Dear Hercules,

How are you?

Her: very good chotti...

Arunan: chotto what's the meaning of M...

Her: M is mother.

Arunan: So she is M?

Her: Exactly

Arunan: So you are madhavdasji and bks Iyengar?

Her: you are the best munnabhai... best!

Chotto: I love both of you...

Me: I love you the most!!!!!!

Arunan: Happy dassera!!!! Love and light!!!!!

conversations with Hubbard (arun) 5.22 pm 2.20.2025

Arun: Honey I'm coming home soon.

Me: sure shona pie?

Arun: I love you.

Me: will you take me out on dates again?

Arun: soon! Very soon and congratulations on the Nobel Prizes.

Me: I love you. I want to bite your cheeks and smell them.

Arun: how is buro?

Me: not in the persist of moods... I am drinking tea. What should I wear for the evening.

Arun: underwear with silver. And I love you the most.

Me: I can't live without you.

conversations with dad 4.57 pm 2.10.2025

Doel: Dear dad, why aren't you talking to me?

Dad: I am talking to you. I've taken a vow of silence. Let's enjoy the movie today.

Doel: What do you want from me?

Dad: I want to get you into the business formally with Buro, your boyfriend.

Doel: Really dad?

Dad: of course shona Buri and believe me anything negative being spoken is not by me.

Doel: will we have a good movie session?

Dad: of course Buri! I never work without magic especially since you've made me famous as Santa Claus. Now do your magic and have a great evening.

Doel: thanks dad! I love you.

Dad: I love you the most!

Journal 2.10.2025 4.39 pm less prasad

Dear Journal,

I got the least doshomi Prasad today from Subrata Dutta and fell asleep.

I had a dream that I have a job in the sewage department in Madh Island and that Anusuya,  Andy and her husband are troubling me and one of my children over the cigarettes we smoke threatening to take us to a doctor.

Anyhow, Yesterday some people (who acted like children for the Kuwari pujo) came home and gave me life threats.

This morning I sent a harmless message on the Artists group and I got trolled by the entire group and kicked out. There is something wrong with the way people think.

Cigarettes are good for health and I am the Goddess. I am who I am and there is no other Goddess. For that why am I being persecuted? When will the persecution stop?

Journal: I love you Doel. The readers who read you really love you.

Doel: Really Journal?

Journal: absolutely! And you will never be without money and all the riches of life! Shubho bijoya!

Dear Journal, this whole thing reminds me of a script I wrote for the Zee exam... I think they are making my idea into a series. Will the series stop? They should pay me!

Journal: it has just stopped. I love you. I love Alyssa the most.

Doel: So do I.

I am feeling:

Responsible.

Happy.

Eager to watch Homebound today.

I want my children. I want money. I want my absolute freedom. I want laddoos that I didn't get. I want happiness maximum.

Love,

Doel

4.48 pm ist

Letter to Arun 2.10.2025 12.25 am

Dear Arun,

I really miss you. And believe me I need money.

My foundation, make up kit and money has been stolen from my room by Hemanshi.

Also can you please pay me for my scripts?

Also please could you ensure I have money and all my art sells.

Could you please give me my RAW card?

And please please please in heaven's name could you please call me up and stop fighting with me?

I really love you. You are my favourite human being in the whole wide world.

I need Tarot clients. I am feeling harassed by the Church/Soka Gakkai/Ramkrishna Mission.

And I want these pills to stop.

I love you. The memory of your smell lingers.

I am writing a script soon for Nana Patekar. And I want you to take charge of all my scripts and all our estates and become the Emperor of the whole Universe.

I want you to know that I am Christopher Nolan and the next script is running till 16th of this month.

Could you please stop working with Navneet and yashwant and work with me instead? Please?

Please make Theory of Madness with me and demolish all the temples in Mongolia.

I need money Arun and I'm constantly thinking about God. You are God. You are my favourite.

Santa Claus is my Jaan. And Chotto is everything to me.

Love,

Me.

12.34 am

I am feeling:

Happy

Hopeful

Pretty

Sweet

Most elated that you've come back into my life.

12.36 am

Journal 2.10.2025 12.19 am

Dear Journal,

I've had a weird year this year. It's been the first time I haven't really earned a lot of money.

I need money. I want money. And I want my scripts and art to make me a whole world full of money so that I can take care of all my children.

Do you understand that dear Journal?

And mostly I really miss my dates with Arun.

Why has life been so weird since 2012?

Why does nobody call me up?

Why dear Journal are things like this with me?

Please get me money dear Journal.

And get my Arun to me.

I love my little one the most and I want Pa to talk to me.

I am feeling: 

Welcomed by the whole Universe into happiness.

I love Simba.

Love,

Me.

12 24 am