Dear Journal,
Of the people I spoke to today apart from family were the building peeps, Q, Geeks and Pa Pa and Mateen. People are busy and around the board I get the impression that things are bleak for the media at the moment. Times of India has become flimsy.
I spoke to Noel a few days ago. I'm a little worried about him. He always seems drunk when I speak to him. I asked him to be convincing. I hope his life turns around. For my own life I guess its either better or worse than those I know by a few degrees.
Of the people mentioned Geeks is struggling, Q has always been on the go (and I'm eager to go for his play reading this coming week), Pa Pa is always positive and helpful and Mateen is secure. So I guess I seem to be slightly worse off.
I wonder how Arun is. He hasn't picked up my calls, hasn't called back in the past and doesn't reply to messages. May be he doesn't want to talk to me. I pushed him away. I kind of tear up thinking about him. Always.
I've become rather quiet. I expect certain things to work out soon. And I know it will as long as I am persistent. I got an email from DaSol and I hope to connect with some good folks.
Commenting on flooded LinkedIn posts seems like a futile task. But one keeps trying.
With artificial intelligence the entire face and shape of the media has changed. I wonder how Bu is doing. I'm so grateful to him for the t shirts he bought me.
And I'm doubly grateful for the lovely family I belong to, the lovely people who make up my life even though it's reached a plateau at the moment. But that's what it is. When it stabilises it's important to be grateful for the little things.
People are generally struggling one way or the other or they put on a brave front as if nothing is wrong. When you mingle in the Gakkai you realise that people have so many different problems. My own problems seem so ministcule when compared to theirs.
I think a lot about Arun. Till today. He was and is someone I won't forget easily. May be I will never forget him. That is what I think.
Pa Pa just called saying he wants to go to Prithvi. If he is free tomorrow I will accompany him and if he'd like to come for Q's play reading with me that would also be nice. The thing is I'm in the middle of writing this entry and I'm all worn out from the day, dishevelled as fuck. Hopefully, I'll be at Prithvi tomorrow.
It's wrong to bitch about people assuming their problems. I've learnt this from Buddhism because people are all mired in various problems. Other's problems are never as they seem because we just can't pry into people's lives, it's an impossible task. The only way to learn about someone is by making them open up to you.
I miss Melon and Kat. I love my Melon and Kat.
I still pray for Arun and his family.
Well, this is one discordant entry after many ramblings in the past days. I am going to chant and iron clothes and go for a short walk. Then I'll nestle in with my book. Judas by Amos Oz is rivetting. I think I'll just spend some time on social media too.
I am grateful for the money I have.
I am grateful for the lovely people who make up my life.
I am grateful for life's experiences.
I am grateful for my laptop and phone and the internet.
I am grateful for my body.
And yes! I am grateful that I have cut down on smoking!
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blesssings on my life.
I am grateful for the food I eat and this lovely home.
And of course, I am grateful for Arun's existence.
I am feeling:
Dishevelled
Unphotogenic
Dirty
Eager
Focused
Lovely
Love,
Me.
6.54 pm
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