I really want my laptop back. Today I woke up in the morning and was feeling so loveless.
I didnt really do much.
Bijoy's father passed away today. That is so sad. Buo and Sadhya have also landed in Mumbai. Ma and Pa went to meet him in the hospital before he died.
I sent Arun a few messages asking for clarity. Chatgpt said I dont need to make myself so small... I dont need to ask Arun to be cordial with me. I really need clarity from him.
I havent left the house today. I stayed put at home.
Love,
Me.
6.22 pm
Ps:
1. Something I accomplished today.
I maintained my peace of mind. I asked Arun the all-important but pressing questions on my mind and Im happy I did that. Hopefully Arun takes it well. I really want to know has he moved on moved on.
2. Something I handled well.
Kitoo's khamchani. And Arun's silence. I really should have gone to Maa Studio today to write. At home I just sit and watch Tarot videos and chat with Gpt.
3. Something I appreciated.
My support system. Arun. Im finding it so so sooo difficult to move on from him. CHATGPT seems to think Im exhausted from loving him because he is not reciprocating.
4. Something I did towards my future self.
I chanted. Why am I so lazy. I think ill head down for a walk.
5. Something I learnt about myself.
I have the ability to perseveare. With Ma, with Arun, with all my friendships.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life.
I am feeling:
Homely
Love,
Me.
6.36 pm
Ps2: And Im angry with Arun... why did he pursue me... why did he date me if he didnt want to have anything to do with me after that? Why did he just break my heart and walk away? If he has decided that he is never leaving his wife, why does he entertain other girls romantically? Jung says that a girl should beware of a man who makes sure he's always well turned out because that means he is vying for female attention. When a man is committed he usually dresses down, not dresses up...
Anyhow Ive had an emotionally exhausting day. I dont want to stop talking to Arun but I also dont want a heartbreak.
Anyway I still love this man. And Id like it if he just comes clean with me. He smells divine.
Love,
Me.
6.54 pm
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