Journal 10.4.2024 7.28 pm

Dear Journal,

Transcendental meditation is having its effect on me. It is quite cathartic to keep saying I Am Worthy to myself.

I just took some cashews in my hand and Ma told me not to have the cashews. She said that I'm having too many when it was just the first time she saw me taking the cashews.

She is so critical of me. She is kind of mean and selfish. She made an ugly face and evinced irritability when I reacted. She is so dismissive and puts me down so often with her anger and irritability.

I have not been in a very good mood today. I spoke to Arun some time ago. I think he is off to drink with his friend.

All the past trauma that I have gone through came rushing back on Sunday and Monday. Today is Wednesday.

Today Yogitaji said something very wise in class. She told me that if I have the intention it will fructify.

It's not my intention to put anyone down when I'm in a bad mood but nobody handles me well then. Everybody reacts badly. Except Arun.

I have been having dreams of financial dependency. I want to be financially independent. It's been a while since I've had a steady job. You should not, must not focus on the result but on the action. Give 100 per cent to your action and that is success. That is what Yogitaji taught today.

I really do love Arun.

I have a shoot tomorrow and I have to prepare my bag.

I really want me and Arun to be heading somewhere. We are headed somewhere. Somewhere good I know.

It's the end of the evening and it's time to pray. I'll prepare my bag for tomorrow.

I'll send Arun a nice heartfelt message.

Love,

Me.

Wednesday.

I am grateful for yoga class. I am learning so much.

I am grateful for Arun and all that comes with him. I really love that he is so respectful. I adore him.

I am grateful for Ma and Pa. I am happy that they are in good health.

I am grateful for Buro. His presence makes a difference.

I am grateful for transcendental meditation. I love doing it.

I am grateful for all my friends. They are my eternal buddies.

I am grateful for the shoot tomorrow. It should be good.

I am grateful for all the good doctors in my life.

I am grateful for my good health.

I am grateful that I'm shedding tears now.

I am grateful for God who has bestowed on me wondrous gifts.

I am grateful for this beautiful wonderful life.

I am grateful for WhatsApp.

I am grateful for this Journal.

I am grateful that I'm making fast progress.

7.48 pm