Arun cancelled on me today. He says he has work and will be late. But I can sense his mood. He sounded pretty jaunty and I think he's partying in office.
I genuinely have a lot of work tomorrow and can't meet him tomorrow even though he says he is free.
I feel hurt. Because he is any way married and he doesn't prioritise me.
He was supposed to meet me yesterday but again he cancelled to party with his friends.
I had a dream before waking up that I was talking to Anku and Arun was very hurt and drinking alone in On Toes. I went inside because I couldn't bear to see Arun hurt and he got up and walked away and got lost in the crowd in the smoking zone and I woke up.
That is how our love differs. I couldn't bear to see Arun hurt but he has no qualms when he gives his gazillion opinions. He doesn't care whether he hurts me or not.
Life is not perfect. He is he and I am me.
I have to do the yoga class with Ma tomorrow.
Ma and Pa anyway don't approve of Arun.
On Thursday we almost broke up. On Friday we patched up. I cried all day on Friday.
Why do I love him so much? It's because despite his lying ways he respects me. He says it himself that he lies to me a lot.
That also hurts. Why would he lie so much?
Life doesn't feel completely rosy at the moment and it's been this way for a long time.
But there are many things to be grateful for.
I am grateful for the food I eat each day.
I am grateful for Ma and Pa's love.
I am grateful that Buro spoke to me today.
I am grateful for yoga class.
I am grateful for Nidhi. She is so friend like.
I am grateful that I'm able to live in the present.
I am grateful for this beautiful house.
I am grateful for Arun and his companionship. May be I should take a step back and distance myself from him. Should I do that?
I am grateful for my beautiful room and all my talents.
I am grateful for Nature and trees and plants.
I am grateful that I'm such a good person.
I am grateful for my beautiful heart and soul.
I am grateful for my precious beautiful vast life.
I am grateful for all my yoga teachers.
Love,
Me.
7.34 pm
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