Yesterday I met Vallabh Ozarkar. Interesting chap. He spoke about a crime case. We are planning to write a movie together about it.
Arun called yesterday while I was with him. I wish he had dropped in.
I have been pondering on detachment and karma. Action is paramount without thinking of the results. And detachment makes one objective.
Today in yoga class we did a reflection exercise on things that we are finding difficult to let go of.
I thought about my feelings of guilt, Baba's scare last night and my love for Arun.
Last night Ma, Pa and Buro went to get Pa checked up because he was feeling unwell.
I hope Pa feels better. I was upset because Pa and Ma didn't ask me to come along. They didn't wake me up.
I went and got coconut water for Ma and Pa.
Pa is feeling much better now.
Also, vairagya or detachment in yoga asks us not to look at things emotionally.
That brings me to Arun.
I love Arun. I can't deny those feelings. I do of course look at our relationship objectively. But after trying to let go today I was feeling more objective and detached about our relationship.
I have a pile of homework to finish for yoga class tomorrow.
Arun has gone out with his Disney Hotstar friends.
Praying everyday and writing this Journal have worked wonders for me.
If there is anything I need to pressingly let go of it would be my feelings of guilt and shame.
I went to a new cafe called Pret a Manger with Rashmi, Sneha and Ayesha after class today. We had a decent time. And I learnt so much about Ayesha's life. I also caught myself judging the others and thought I need to be more accepting.
I need to let go of my feelings of insecurity. I need to get my finances rolling.
There is so much good happening in my life.
Last night I had a dream that a policeman was asking me for a fine. And that there was a gas leak (a little later) and to escape I had to do a balancing act in a high place across two balconies. After I was on level ground, people were rushing about and Buro told me I could keep my treasures.
That means against all odds I am secure. Right?
I have found balance.
I have so much to be grateful for.
I am grateful that I woke up healthy, fit and fine.
I am grateful that I ate today.
I am grateful that I went out with my yoga friends today.
I am grateful for Ma and Pa. I am grateful for their good health and happiness.
I am grateful for Buro. I am grateful that he is married, secure and happy.
I am grateful for Arun. I am grateful for his good health and happiness. I am grateful that we love each other.
I am grateful for my beautiful home. It is so full of memories.
I am grateful for Madhuri. She is such a good girl.
I am grateful for time.
I am grateful for all that comes with Arun.
I am grateful for the sumptuous meal Ma is cooking for us.
I am grateful for my yoga class.
I am grateful that I will get to talk to Arun today.
I am grateful for the internet and this Journal.
I am grateful for my phone and laptop.
I am grateful for my patience.
I am grateful for my beautiful, lovely heart, mind and body.
I am grateful for this wonderful life.
I am grateful for a good night's sleep.
Now I'll call Rashmi. Arun just called. I do really adore him. And most times my emotions for him run very deep. After N, and G (Both unrequited), I think I have never felt so deeply about anyone. Arun is my true love. Objectively looking at it also, he is my true heart's symphony.
I'll always love him.
Love,
Me
7.40 pm
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