Ma just came back home. I've been reflecting on my parents and my life. Ma is such a good girl. And Pa is such a good boy. Ma and Pa have never cheated on each other despite being unhappy.
I don't know what a happy marriage looks like. From Arun's account all people sleep around, all people have extramarital affairs. From Arun's account cheating is quite normal. That is so sad, firstly toh. And secondly, it makes me trust him less.
I think I grew up in an unhappy home. It's only Buddhism that has brought in joy into our lives and I should never give it up.
I've met so many different kinds of people striving in my Buddhist practice.
And my Buddhist practice has also made me realise that all people suffer and that I must always cultivate kindness because you never know what the person in front of you is going through. That's number one. I'll never stop chanting.
Then I'll never give up on myself. I'll always take my medication because it means that I trust in my growth and progress.
And finally, I'll never give up on people and in love. No matter who is in front of me-- whether it be Mukesh Ambani or Amitabh Bachchan or a Bhalla or Sunil bhaiyya i'll show respect to all lives. You never know what the soul in front of you is going through.
I hope to find love. You know journal these days I feel so darned lonely.
We are a quiet household. We don't really talk much here.
All my best conversations were had with Arun-- I'll never forget him.
I'll never give up on myself dear Journal. One more step forward each day.
I also hope to quit smoking.
The goal of human life is freedom and happiness. May I bring joy to all and be the ultimate successful. Its exactly 5.
I am feeling:
Full of love
Happy
I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
5.03 pm
Ps: I feel so sexually aroused. I wont be with just anybody. I hope to find an excellent companion. I am not going to pleasure myself.
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