I hate seeing my father sad. He is down with an upset stomach. And I'm churned to see him so forlorn. I wish I could ease his worries and pains. I truly love my father, my dutiful Poppa Bear.
I have duties too and I hope to accomplish them.
Is Arun really working so hard that he has no free time? Does he not take his many other girls out for drinks? If he is really working so hard he will burn out at some point just the way I did after 12 years in the newsroom.
I don't know if and when we will speak again. If he will ever want to talk to me. From the way he talks to me it seems he wants to maintain some distance.
Actually for the past 6 years ever since I quit the newsroom I have so much free time it's embarrassing. I'd like for something to consume me again just the way news did once upon a time.
Seeing Arun work so hard one feels that one must also put in such hard labour but the Truth is one should always make room for music and poetry. That's sustenance for me.
I'll sincerely try to move on from Arun now.
I read a beautiful quote today-- When one tries to do something brave difficulties invariably arise.
Also, self love is so vital. I'm reclaiming my dignity by loving myself.
I wish Ma and Pa's health problems ease. I've not chanted ever since I fought with Arun. I will now.
I haven't washed my hair in a long time. Why don't I keep the promises to myself? I should be sincere with myself. I should open myself to me. I am a beautiful person.
I hope this emptiness disappears
And my heart is once again filled with love
And i live in symphonous harmony
Like a bright flying dove.
I hope my work consumes me. I really want to be busy with interesting work.
We don't really need to chant or pray. That is only to discipline the mind. All we need to do is wish from the heart. Life is a wish granting jewel and all our desires are fulfilled.
I won't contact Arun ever. May he be happy.
I am feeling:
Loving
Serious
A little inward looking
Happy I spent time listening to music today
I must have really hurt Arun with my messages. I hope he is fine.
I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
9.03 am
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