Why do I feel that I've lost my love for Arun? That the flame is shining timidly? I have felt this way before. And the feelings will rush back I know.
I've decided to release him. Even though he still feels like my destiny. He still does, believe me.
Today I woke up close to 9. My student came at 9. I taught him for an hour and went for my dpm. I learnt how Buddhism is practised in Abu Dhabi, how people have transformed their karma. And again I learnt how all prayers get answered.
A casting director sent me a message about a play. I hope to bag this project.
I am another kind of Sushmita Sen. Even though I have so much love in my heart, I don't know whom to give it to.
Today both SeeDhi and DiPan said that I am so accomplished, I am a genius. Do I really give off such vibes? I'll never watch porn ever in my life.
I'll feel the pangs of love and I'll let it recede on its own.
I don't remember my dream from the morning.
I hope to get busy. I hope to mint money. I hope to find love. I hope life shifts me out of this stalemate. Once a woman is done with a man she is really done.
I've seen all my male friends remembering their exes fondly. Even Arun talks so much about the past women in his life.
But I, once I'm done I don't even think about the man. I really move on completely. And I just don't want to let go of Arun completely.
I am feeling:
Stable
Like a nice clean warm bath
Happy
Loveless but loving
I feel like I've inherited so much from my father; his mannerisms, his attitude, his way of thinking.
I wish I hadn't got angry with Arun. Whatever happens happens for the best. I should really learn to control my temper.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and Blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
1.46 pm
Ps: In every long-term relationship the feeling of being in love rarely outlasts the relationship. In the end it's a decision-- do you still want to keep your partner in your life? I think I've outgrown the being in love feeling when it comes to Arun but I still love him as a person. And that says a lot about how much I truly love him. The love has gone up the stratosphere!
2 pm
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