The days since my periods have been spent in a haze of emotionally riddled confusions. I haven't slept for two days and I also haven't bathed. What has happened to me?
I'm gripped by my love for Arun.
Sticks and stones can break bones but words can shatter the soul.
He says he hates me and doesn't love me and that we are friends. I'll respect all the boundaries he is setting.
He said that we could meet today. I'll message him about it a little later.
I really love him. I always have and always will.
The way i'm feeling, so out of control, indicates that the days ahead may not be particularly easy.
I'm so happy Ma and Pa are not here. They would have been very worried.
Why did Arun say he hates me? Does he really hate me? Hate is such a strong word, it's such a violent word.
Well, I'll let him be and I won't get too cozy today and respect all the boundaries.
I'm so exhausted with my periods and the emotions and the crying and the out of controlness.
I need a nice warm shower and lots of love.
I love him. May be he doesn't really love me? Otherwise why would he keep saying it. He has never done this before. May be with my own direct Ness I have upset him in some deep way that he now feels he hates me. I'll always love him and care for him deeply.
May he be the happiest person in the whole world.
It's all too much pressure and I'm feeling a little brokenhearted. But I ain't complaining.
Love,
Me.
1.42 pm
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