Today See Dhi, Ga Mo and me and then Ma and me studied the New Year's Gosho. I remember in 2019 Til had told me she was studying it everyday. I think I'll do that this year.
It's such a beautiful piece of writing by Nichiren.
"Misfortune befalls one who inwardly despises his mother and disregards his father." The past few days and the past few years have been hell-like for me in the family with violence and heated exchanges. I feel really disrespected in the family and it has sometimes been really difficult to be calm, happy or even sane.
I don't know what has gone wrong but I've tried my very best. Since yesterday I've been feeling really sombre and forlorn.
But despite all this I must transform my heart and not bear grudges. After all, complaint erases good fortune and gratitude increases good fortune. 2024 was spent loving A and just kind of recuperating from all the assaults of the past many years.
Again today Ma and Pa were both so acerbic and insulting. It's difficult to not feel heartache with this kind of treatment. But like Nichiren says despite everything one must not begrudge one's parents. After all, that is why we are alive; we live, breathe and love our parents and they are our reason.
Then Nichiren says: "The Buddha exists in our five foot body." We common mortals can see neither our own eyelashes nor the heavens in the distance. How then is it easy to perceive our Buddha nature?
But if we awaken to our reality of being Buddhas of eternal peace and joy and learn to respect ourselves, then we can respect all beings and their Buddha nature. Ma, Pa and Buro also have the Buddha nature as do I and we are a Buddha family and wherever I go I must spread love, happiness and peace.
Arun is a fiery, beautiful, blazing Buddha of eternal happiness and love.
Then Nichiren says: "Misfortune comes from one's mouth and ruins one and good fortune comes from one's heart."
The slights we commit in speech can ruin us and we must always speak sweet words and cease expressing words of insult and anger.
The New Year's Gosho also taught me that each day I must redetermine my vow to serve people and all beings and spread love.
It's vital to pray for all beings. It's vital to wish other people well no matter what they may have done to us. It's not just vital, it's imperative.
As I was smoking a cigarette between Arun and See's house today I realised that each time I've tasted success be it in any aspect of my life I've worked really hard. Hard work is the only antidote for success. This year despite everything I will work very very hard. There is really no other way. And I will pray each day. And I will bless all beings.
And I will win.
In other news I'm feeling really broken-hearted.
And in more news I really love Arun. I love his blessed hands and his sacred feet and his sweet serene demeanour and face and I miss him.
I am feeling heartbroken.
I am feeling determined.
I am feeling happy in a way.
I am feeling sad that I have to rearrange my room.
I am feeling loving.
I am feeling inspired.
I am missing Arun. He is always on my mind in each moment.
I am grateful for all beings who grace my life and for all my good fortune.
Love
Me.
11.26 pm
No comments:
Post a Comment