Yesterday Arun called. I met him at Qd for a beer. He is worried about how he will be with his brother.
He also kept saying that we are just friends. And that I troubled him a lot. That hurts me a lot that he keeps saying that.
I gave him my best and I still intend to give him my best. I have my flaws, he has his flaws. But that's no reason to break up because nobody is perfect. He is married. That's a reason to break up and he might as well make no bones about that.
He didn't call me up for two months when we were together. That's not a good sign in a relationship. Then one fine day he just broke up with me. I've handled him when he's angry and I've sat and cried when he's hurt me. But he is special. Super special. And I really really love him.
Seeing him sad really worries me. I'm actually really really worried about him. I miss being his girlfriend.
I slept for just four hours last night and woke up as usual to do yoga. Of course I'm groggy and negative and spewing venom.
Arun showed me some wonderful photos on his phone yesterday. For some reason he keeps telling me not to hate his wife. I don't hate her at all. Where does he get these ideas?
He'd made it quite clear that there was no future to us. And I'm crying. I miss my Arun.
I love love love my Arun. What has to happen will.
I am feeling sleepy.
I am feeling cloudy minded.
I am feeling tired.
I am feeling serious.
I am feeling love.
I am feeling slightly hurt.
Since I started writing this post I got umpteen Tarot clients, some on call and I've written this journal entry in a staggered fashion.
I am grateful for everything!
Love,
Me.
11.44 am
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