I woke up from a dream where I saw Ma as a bad person. Then I saw many people, including Taruna, lying down on sunbathing chairs (I think by a beach), and I was going to join them. Then I woke up.
Yesterday I was supposed to teach Shefali yoga and was all prepared but then Arun called and said he was drunk and needed a drop and I cancelled all my plans for him. I really really love him. He is my spring, he is my sunshine.
There's Chinese at Bu's place for me today.
Last night Arun and I didn't talk about much. We listened to music and he was very very sad. So sad that it hurt me. I hate seeing him sad and crying.
Then when he was dropping me he said that I would be sad too because of the situation between us. What does that mean? Is he going to stop talking to me all together? That would really hurt me.
It already hurts to not have him and I don't want to deal with more pain.
He also said that I'm over him. Now that's a whole load of balderdash. The last thing I am is over him.
Anyway. I think I don't ruminate too much because those thoughts create an attachment that hurts. Because he doesn't call, you know.
Anyhow he is always ALWAYS on my mind. I wish he knew that.
I stopped myself many times last evening from saying I Love You to him because him saying I Don't Love You Anymore back to me really hurts. So I said You're So Cute, You're So Handsome, all in place of the many I Love Yous I would have told him when we were going around.
I love Arun. Today is a Saturday evening. Who does he go out with on Saturdays these days?
I'll be at MIG Cricket Club today. Let's see how the fete goes.
I've had a lateish start to the day because I slept late and woke up late.
I hope to have a spectacularly excellent day!
I hope to be exemplary today...
Love,
Me.
9.39 am
No comments:
Post a Comment