Ever since I met Arun last I have been so sad that I had 15 to 20 bottles of colas per day. Also, Ma and Pa going away created a void in my life.
Surabhi and Petkar uncle passed away since then further adding to my gloom.
I wasn't in my senses.
Dr Rao said whatever my state of mind may be it's definitely because of substance abuse. He said that I shouldn't be guzzling colas and must quit cigarettes and then my mind will also not waver on seemingly unrealistic thoughts as it does. I haven't had a cola today and am definitely feeling better.
Ma was so tough on me after she came back from Calcutta. She made me throw away half my things. Why are Ma and Buro so tough? Ma doesn't behave herself when she is sad. Kind of uncouth.
Anyway this alone time let me dwell on my thoughts.
I think I'll let Arun be. I understand him and I definitely love him deeply. And I don't know what the future has in store.
I've decided to stay away from Colas, tea and coffee and smoke far fewer cigarettes. I will also avoid drinking except socially.
My poetry book is out and some friends have bought it.
I haven't really been focusing on my tefl tesol classes as my room needs to be arranged.
Whenever I think seemingly unrealistic thoughts my mind is fixated on God in a very very profound way.
I believe in God.
I know God exists.
I feel God in my blood and bones.
On one very difficult day when Ma was raining all her wrath on me Bhalla took me to the beach.
In the past one month a few casting directors have reached out and I met a certain M Chandra who also worked in Times of India.
I know that 2025 will be a blessed year.
I wish Arun and his family a blessed year too. It's a new beginning. It's a new phase.
I wish all my loved ones, all my family and friends, the best year this year.
I have been reading reports of this year being particularly trying. People predict a major war.
I have also not got very good forebodings for the world in my Tarot this year. But I have hope.
My cards personally continue to be good.
I read the cards for a very sweet girl today and earned some money and transferred some money into Arun's account.
This year will be spectacular. I just know it.
I love my Arun. I love my parents and I love my brother and Sadhya.
I love all my friends.
I hope to quit smoking cigarettes this year.
May God bless the world especially this year.
May I have the courage to quit colas and smoking.
May love, laughter, prosperity, good health and joy shower from the heavens above.
I will be meeting Jaypee on Saturday after Danto's death.
I have a meeting with Shou on Sunday.
I will start my tefl and tesol classes on Monday.
I bless all beings with love, happiness, health, wealth and victory.
I know that whatever has to happen will.
I sent Arun some voice messages yesterday because I was really missing him. He is always on my mind.
We went to Baoji's for lunch yesterday. The food there is so good. I hope I can take Arun there some day.
May God shine his light on all of us.
I am grateful for each being and each moment of my life. I am grateful for all the happiness and love in my life.
Happy new year to me and everybody.
Love,
Me.
I am feeling very happy.
I am full of love.
I am determined to make the most of this year.
I am feeling positive.
I am grateful for this beautiful wonderful life.
I am grateful that I'm in such a happy frame of mind despite the particularly trying past month.
This year is special.
4 pm
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