I had a dream that Arun and I were walking around; the whole thing is unclear. Then I saw Bhuda, Shdi and Ari in a restaurant ordering meat and I wished I was with them.
As I was doing yoga today my mind dwelled on Arun.
He didn't call me up for two months. He lied to me on his birthday. He was not in Nagpur that day. I don't give much credence to my intuition but I think there was some girl in his life in those two months. He may have even kissed her. He may have even proposed. That's what the mind tells me.
Whenever he blames me for the breakup I feel really hurt. Him not calling me up for two months really hurt me.
I really miss him. And I really love him. It was so easy for him to throw our relationship away.
Him just telling me that he doesn't love me anymore really really broke my heart to pieces. He didn't think even once how he hurt me. I'm so scared of not having him with me. I'm so scared of losing him to life.
I won't find someone to love the way I love him. Not all people who enter my life generate the kind of love that Arun generates in my whole being.
It's so easy for him to not be with me, and that really really hurts.
He doesn't even reply to my messages.
Yesterday See Dhi told me I must pray for a partner. I told her that I don't pray for anything of that sort. She said I must because I have so much to give.
I've had a few Tarot clients since morning.
Now I'll attend my tefl class and then sit and write. I'll eat my lunch somewhere along the way.
Nsji said he'll come home in the evening.
Let's see.
(I just had a 40 minute long Tarot client)
I am feeling sleepy.
I am feeling love.
I am feeling tired from my workout.
I am grateful for life and all its experiences.
Love,
Me.
12.48 pm
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