So Arun called just for a wee bit.
Arun: "May be we shouldnt talk for 5-6 months till you are over me."
Me (After a considerable time trying to understand why he said that): "I dont want to move on from you."
And my heart is pounding and my ears are ringing and I wish he hadnt hung up. I would have loved to talk to him today.
I really really really love my Alun. My cutest pie, my cutest heart.
Frankly, for me trying to move on from Arun makes me depressed. Does he really want me to get over him? I dont want to. Or much rather I Cant. It's kind of something like an impossibility.
Anyhow Journal, it's kind of like a rigamarole... Arun said vortex... I miss his smell.
I miss him loads and loads and loads. And this evening I just want a nice tight hug from him.
I woke up today around 10.30 and soon was with Madhav in a class. Madhav wrote beautifully today about how his parents divorce affected him. I shared the document on the group for his mom to read. But his mom didnt want to. But his Maths teacher did and I wonder what he thought about it.
I think Madhav is all of a sudden making good progress in English. So is Arnav from Fle and Rishaan and the icse batch is just too smart.
Tomorrow I have classes with Grade 8 and I need to prepare for it.
They behaved like a bunch of hooligans during their last class.
I did yoga today. Had dal and sabzi with rice for lunch. I skipped the fish. Didnt feel like eating nonveg. I chanted in the morning.
I spent the evening just letting time pass by. I checked a few Tarot channels. I had every intention to prepare for tomorrow and Monday but I was feeling too darned lethargic. So I guess it's the middle of the night that my preparation has been relegated to. I just want my laptop back. It'll make my life much easier.
I ordered cheeselings today for Ma.
I dont remember my dream from the morning even though I remember it being quite vivid.
1. Something I accomplished.
I had a good class with Madhav. I didnt react to Pa's afternoon irritability. I spoke to my shweetest Arun. I bought cheeselings for Ma. I also studied Buddhism today.
2. Something I handled well.
I handled Ma and Pa's irritability quite well. Somehow I'm balancing late nights with morning class. I also think I was honest with Arun. I dont think I'll ever get over him. He is like the love of a lifetime. Even though Ma was dismissive when I told her photochromatic lenses dont suit her, I think I didnt really spiral. It's only in avoiding the feeling that it becomes detrimental.
3. Something I enjoyed and appreciated.
I loved Madhav's candour and honesty. I loved Arun's conversation tiny with me today. I loved doing yoga and I loved lunch with a sliver of mishti doi. I will eat dinner, chant and study for tomorrow and Monday. I enjoyed reading Daisaku Ikeda today.
4. Something I did for my future self.
Taught Madhav. This added to my experience. I also did yoga and pranayam. Soon (once my laptop is back) I'll start working on my book. Im thinking about it. I studied Buddhism.
I am feeling:
I was feeling gloomy because it was so hot. Now Im feeling bright in the ac.
Loving
Missing Arun a lot
Solemn
Happy with a sligh tinge of moroseness
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life.
Love,
Me.
8.52 pm
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