Journal 10.3.2024 2.36 pm

Dear Journal,

It's Pa's 72nd birthday today. We went to watch Lapata Ladies and are now sitting in Garden Court for lunch.

If there is any reason I'm not making money and have fewer friends, it's my mental health.

Arun hasn't called at all.

Should I break it off with him?

I smoked just two cigarettes today and am feeling irritated with Ma. She is so rustic and harsh. But she does so much for us.

May be I should call it off with Arun. He is never leaving his wife for me. He has already told me that. He's also told me not to touch him in public and to not disrupt his life -- all lofty conditions.

Besides it's wrong. Our relationship is unacceptable to society.

I love him. I love my friendship with him. Will he want to be friends with me?

I don't know what the future holds. Whether there is somebody for me. 

I'm also very embarrassed and guilty for misbehaving during Chotto's wedding.

I feel badly for all my digresses. Forgiveness should be directed at me. It's more difficult to forgive yourself than anybody else.

I know I will quit smoking cigarettes. I know the future is bright and rosy.

I have to pay Arun rupees 10,000 including the amount he has spent on art material for me.

I don't know what the future holds. I know love floods my life abundantly.

I know if I just work a little harder and quit smoking cigarettes my life will turn around. The urge passes, life goes on. Life is beautiful.

I love Ma and Pa.

Love,

Me.

I am grateful for Ma, Pa, Buro and Sadhya.

I am grateful for Arun's friendship.

I am grateful for Dr Karthik Rao and Dr Dhawale.

I am grateful for my talents and intelligence.

I am grateful for my friends.

I am grateful for Ashwin Agrawal.

I am grateful for all the work coming my way.

I am grateful for the money in my life and the flood of money in my life.

I am grateful for this Earth, Nature and the Universe.

I am grateful for my novel.

I am grateful for Nagesh.

I am grateful for my mind.

I am grateful for this wonderful life.

I am grateful for Dimma, Dadu, Dada and Thama.

I am grateful for my beautiful body and face.

I am grateful for my beautiful heart.

I am grateful for the animal world.

I am grateful for the human world.

I am grateful it is Pa's birthday.

I am grateful for all the people who love me.

I am grateful for my meditation sessions.

I am grateful for God's bountiful blessings and God's sweet grace.

I am grateful for Chumkimashi, Eshna, Koena and Bubul mesho.

I am grateful for myself.

I am grateful that I make the world a better place.