Monday, 18 November 2024

Journal 18.11.2024 3.28 pm Uma dida is no more

Dear Journal,
A while ago Ma messaged that Uma dida is no more. It's not good to keep regrets. I'm so sorry that I didn't eat lunch at her place the last time I was in Calcutta. May her soul rest in peace and may she be born in the happiest circumstances. Her death makes me sad.
In other news, I'm very sad that Arun is not talking to me. May be I should not have told him how much I love him and miss him.
I don't know how he's feeling. But a gut feeling tells me that he is very very sad. I hope I'm wrong. And this thought is also making me very sad.
May be I should completely let him go and let him be. But I could never live away from him. That would make me saddest and I want to be happy.
I wish I had an answer to my question. Will he have me in his life?
Silence speaks louder than words and his silence tells me he wants to be left alone.
I so love him. I so want to kiss his cheeks.
And I wish I could pay my last respects to Uma dida. Her life has been a celebration.
I hope I end the day on a happy note. I really wish for Arun to love me. Does he really not love me anymore? That makes me so sad and makes me feel so unlovable and dejected.
I think he's probably happy. 
Will he call me again?
I think I'll never stop loving him ever. And I need a way to manage the deep emotions I have for him in my heart.
I wish he was communicating. I wish I knew his thoughts.
May he be super happy. May life give him whatever he desires and may he always be loved. He's loved by me for sure.
Love,
Me.
3.39 pm

No comments:

Post a Comment