I'm not getting a drop of sleep. I think Arun finding someone else is closure enough. I need to deal with this pain without troubling him and without messaging him.
I really love him.
I don't feel beautiful. I feel lost. I feel hurt.
I hope I get sleep now.
Love,
Me.
4.01 am
Ps: Overthinking and thinking things through won't solve any problems. I have to accept this situation as it is and make my peace with it. I hope Arun is doing well.
I should not bug him so much. He's moved on. So must I. But it's so difficult. He's so easy to love with his complex mind and endearing personality.
I am kind of sad and feeling really unbeautiful.
I spoke to ns on a call tonight. Her baby is so beautiful.
I feel so inferior and beaten down and yesterday I smoked like a chimney.
I should not pressure Arun into anything. He deserves his freedom and I want my peace of mind back. I wish I was better able to keep my sanity when I was with him. My bad.
Love is not enough in a relationship fool for love that I am. I'll focus on my career and keep away from the men.
I need to take care of myself.
4.22 am
Ps: I think the next time I meet N I'll ask her to focus on helping me improve my relationship with money. I don't think I'm sleeping a wink tonight. I'm feeling so heartbroken and lost. I wish I'd not messed up things with Arun.
4.35 am
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