I'm writing in you an awfully lot today. I'm in a very philosophical frame of mind.
I need to reread M Scott Peck's The Road Less Travelled. If only I can find my copy or else I'll buy it. Or let me visit the kabadiwala tomorrow, he may have a copy.
Very few people read. Very few people have read Peck. And very few people buy into his views on love.
Peck is a psychiatrist who wrote a whole treatise on love amid the rising divorce rates in America.
Peck says that the act of falling in love involves the dissolving of all our ego barriers in our psyche so that we see ourselves and the object of our love as one. A poet feels this often with many different things.
Very soon after a while the ego barriers come back up and we see only flaws in the object of our love and feel that we have fallen out of love.
It is at such a time that Peck advocates discipline, Truth and sacrifice. Love is discipline. Love is truth. Love is sacrifice.
And Peck says that with this approach the flames of love will warm the heart once again.
This is also in line with Allen's book From Passion to Peace. Don't chase passion. Don't chase the feeling of love. Once the fires of the act of falling in love have been passed through the love remains.
Covey says, "Love is an abstract noun but it's also a verb. In order to feel love one has to love."
Love is discipline. Keep at it.
Love is sacrifice. Don't be infidel.
Love is Truth. There is only love in genuineness.
Sometimes these days for a while at times I feel that with A all my ego barriers have come up again. But then he occupies so much of my mindspace.
One thing that bothered me about him were his views on women and his uber liberal attitude towards love and sex.
But then he's only treated me with respect and care.
He's always on my mind and I care a whole lot about him and his family. I would also be willing to sacrifice anything for him and for his happiness.
But he's married. And it was really difficult. It would also be very immature on my part to pursue him given the circumstances.
But do I still love him? Of course I do. I just wish this pining would cease. He seems to have moved on. I feel very affectionate about him to this date.
That's it.
My last post for the night.
Good night sweet journal.
May you keep the love alive in my heart and never let me waver from my goals.
To be disciplined.
To be truthful.
To sacrifice.
Ma has not yet returned home. She is towtowing with her friends. Hope she is having a good time.
I wish I could get myself to stop obsessing over Arun and get some clarity on essential things.
Laziness just won't do.
May tomorrow be a far more productive day than today has been.
Love,
Me.
10.04 pm
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