I woke up in the morning to a call by Tejal. She was furious that my laptop hasnt been repaired yet. So tomorrow Ill use Pa's laptop.
Then I got onto a call with Madhav's mother. She's a harsh, hard-hearted stern kind of lady.
When women suffer they usually turn bitter. Ive seen that with every suffering woman.
I think women should preserve their sweetness and gentility. That's vital to womanhood.
In this rat race where women are competing with men, women become harsh, conniving and manipulative.
The morning interactions really stung. As a result I didnt go full throttle into the class. And there was a problem with the audio too today.
I even apologised to Arun. And today I didnt check Arun's timestamps even once. I have to gradually stop obsessing over him and let him be. That's just healthy.
I went to the garden for a little bit of yoga. And came home with a blinding headache because of the sun. There were many Doel birds flitting around in the garden trilling about.
Around 5 I told myself that my brain needs rest from Arun, from my problems, from thinking and overthinking. Ma was home by then. I also shouldnt complain too much.
I went to Dr Shinde and he told me I just have indigestion. I think Ill go down when I go to talk to Twi and buy myself Saridon. I still have the residue of a headache within me. I also need to visit a dentist.
I love Arun. That's special for me but I really should let him be.
1. Something I accomplished.
Despite the morning fiasco I conducted a class with Madhav. I went to Dr Shinde. I didnt let bitterness settle in my heart. I did yoga, chanted and had a sumptuous vegetarian lunch. Ill eat fish for dinner.
2. Something I handled well.
I took criticism well today. I must be wounded in many ways from the kind of life I live. But Im not a bitter person. I dont ever want to be bitter. I apologised to Arun and I didnt check his timestamps today. I also let him be in my mind and tried to get my mental peace back.
3. Something I appreciated.
The garden! The Doel birds! My students! Arun! My parents and my brother! Despite the tough start to the day im feeling much better now.
4. Something I did for my future self.
Chanting. Yoga. Spent time in Nature. Didnt let negative feedback escalate into a crappy mood. I need to take more steps towards my career. I consciously obsessed less about Arun today. I let him be in my mind. Everyday apart from my Journal I should write a bit, even if it's just a regular poem.
I am feeling:
Such deep love for Arun. My love for him is unfathomable. There is simply no reason for why I feel this way about him.
Happy.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life.
Love,
Me.
7 31 pm
No comments:
Post a Comment