Dear Journal,
Before I say anything let me just say that I love my brother the most.
I woke up around 7.23 am today and quickly had my lemon juice. I woke up from a dream where I saw that everybody loves me.
I quickly came out of my reverie and headed to the grove for some yoga. I had two cigarettes that were shit. No nicotine. Just paper.
I chanted Iyumimmortalya for 20 minutes and was feeling really groggy. My hands were shaking. I took a walk around the garden barefeet feeling claustrophobic as I often feel.
All day my mind has been filled with thoughts of Arun leaving me, ditching me, cheating on me, choosing other women over me-- whoever Candy may be... he really has messed with my head. My mind has been immersed in Nature like anything.
I didn't see many birds today. Neither have too many birds been coming to the window. The other day a crow kissed me. And then another day a crow flew right into me. I have to send Q the play. Even he has Toral.
I know a lot of things and I don't let on a lot of things but I've never told a lie in my entire life.
I set the timer for 25 minutes and did toota phoota yoga.
Then I came home.
I dyed my hair. Mikki went to Panch Amrut. Duma sent such little food today it's abominable. For a long time I feel I have been abandoned by my family and friends and by society. The hospital and hospitality system are absolutely wrong. Not one drug in the pharmaceutical sector is good. Nichiren Daishonin was wrong. The Gosho is evil.
EVEN IF ONE PERSON IS RIGHT AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS WRONG THAT PERSON IS RIGHT AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS WRONG AND WHAT IS RIGHT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG IS WRONG. AND THAT'S A FACT.
I have smoked 3 paper cigarettes today. The cigarette shops around me have shut down and I think Vidita Vaidya was wrong in telling me to smoke cigarettes because they are good for health. She really got me addicted to Nicotine.
I won't curse a soul. But in the past two months I've realised a lot of things.
I won't abandon the people I love just because I think I haven't got my fair dealing from them.
I don't want this building redevelopment. IT IS EVIL AND JUST A MONEY MAKING DRIVE.
TELEPATHY IS NATURAL.
And when I go shopping I'll buy my loved ones something too.
I have a feeling luck has just begun favouring me. I think I'll read James Allen again. Nothing else seems to interest me. I browsed through the books today and zilch interested me. TELEPATHY IS NATURAL. I WISH PEOPLE DIDNT TROUNCE EACH OTHER CALLING EACH OTHER INSANE AND I WISH MORE PEOPLE BELIEVED IN THE POWER OF THEIR THOUGHTS.
I'll look for my book now and chant. I think I'll comb my hair, wear some shoes and head for a walk first.
I am grateful for God, Hercules, Santa and Mother Nature's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
I am grateful I had so many mangoes today.
I am grateful for life, love and magic.
I am grateful for infinite money.
I am grateful for food, shelter, love and loving beings around me.
I am grateful for my room and my bed.
I wish life had not been so difficult and frankly, I HATE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE.
I am grateful for luck.
I am feeling:
Happy
A little hurt by Arun. He is so whimsical.
A little caught in my circumstances as if they are way huger than me.
Also realise how big a support my loved ones are.
I feel clean.
Today I even gave myself a facial.
I am so happy right now because I have you Journal.
6 21 pm ist
