I think I'll get over Arun. I'll make peace with the fact that he wasn't happy with me and I have to let him be. He didn't do anything to build trust. Lying is no way to build trust. I've heard him lying to other people so many times that I know when he's lying.
Arun was the opposite of guys like Bhab and Ro who didn't give me space and kept doting on me. I think I did a Bhab and Ro on Arun. N9 wonder he bolted away. Next time hopefully I'll be able to temper the passions if I meet someone as good as Arun.
What's topmost on my mind is paying him his money for last year and this year's pocket money. That should happen. I will pay him. I have quit smoking. And I will be more disciplined and enjoy life and it's ways.
I have to pay my gst and also the jd fee.
When you do something on your own you are always more sincere.
Love,
Me
10.09am
In a relationship there is a desire to be accepted and loved. I always showed my affections towards Arun but after a point he stopped making an effort with me. I don't know what his thinking was. I'd like to know. It'll help me get closure if Arun would tell me why exactly he alienated me and cheated on me. Mental health should not be a reason since his own mental health needs attention and I am not one to say such things to anyone. But if that's the case I must say Arun prove himself the prude he was.
I don't like sexed up guys like Nitin Srivastva. Arun was perfect for me. So soft, so gentle, so emotional, so moody. It's a pity I didn't have sex with him. I would love to have sex with him once in this lifetime. I love this man. I love his smell. I love his birthday. I love each day of his life. I gave my heart to him in a pretty big way and I'll always love him. He was tired of me and hence he was cheating on me. I hope he drinks less or quits it completely. I love him. I wish, so wish I could kiss him. I'll think of him like this always. I know my love for him will grow deeper and take root to shape my life and steer my destiny. But he's married. He loves his wife and is also not likely to be true to me wife or no wife since he always needs the other girl.
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