Ever since A and I broke up I finally have an evening to myself.
I first met P Kum but I didn't like his advances and I've stopped talking to him.
Meeting S kum and all the other people through him, including Sha and A Alam, Shu Ti and others has been good. It's good to feel welcomed by friends.
A Alam and Shu Ti are very good boys. It feels rejuvenating to sit with them and chat about politics, life, work and relationships.
Yesterday Na Bh said let's watch a movie together and we saw Not Today together. I liked the movie, he didn't.
Later, we sat and had a coffee together and Na Bh gave me a piece of his mind. That kind of put things together and brought peace to me.
I am so grateful for my friends.
Ma has also been pleasant and Pa is pessimistic but healthy and fine.
I got offered the lead role in a movie that was about sexual violence. Na Bh said that I should do the movie. The casting agent was persistent. He said he wanted me and nobody else to do the film. But there were semi nude scenes and I rejected the film. I thought of Pa. How would he be able to watch the movie?
I also got a job offer that I rejected because they said I can't do anything else while doing the job-- no books, no movies, no freelancing.
I met Ra Maj who said "please please work with me." This is his umpteenth offer and I'm all up for it.
The Tarot readings are going slowly.
I have to finish my football article and since I'm not stepping out today, I'll spend the whole evening writing.
I met Sonal today. She is so pleasant and so intelligent. I love her.
C Jung says that a person will know no success unless he or she faces the darker side of his or her psyche and embraces it.
"Misfortune comes from one's mouth and fortune comes from one's heart," said Nichiren.
"Complaint erases good fortune and gratitude increases good fortune," said D Ikeda.
I've been reading Creative Family by D Ikeda and I spoke to Sonal about it. She invited me to a Waldorf meeting. Let's see if I can go.
Understanding myself means embracing my darkest Truths. I do sometimes behave rudely and sometimes I whine and sometimes I get lost in delusions, perturbing those around me.
These are my failings. Also, I am lazy and a little too adaptable.
Today I made breakfast and lunch for the family, it being a rain holiday.
The most essential endeavour is to embrace a growth mindset and not succumb to superstitions. People and circumstances can always be better. I can be better.
If I have to embrace my strengths it would be that I love. I'm intelligent. I'm creative.
A brought about a lot of beautiful transformations within me. However, it's good that he's gone. He's a married man with children, something I accepted but it was too difficult.
I've fixed tomorrow as my quit smoking date.
It should be good.
I intend to pay A back all the money I have borrowed from him as soon as possible.
Now I'll just read one more chapter of Creative Family and start writing.
Giku just messaged me. Hopefully, he will help me with my article.
Love,
Me.
5.17 pm
I am feeling a little shallow in breathing.
I am feeling eager.
I am feeling accomplished.
I am feeling hopeful.
I am grateful that I met Sonal today.
I am grateful that I fixed today's meals.
I am grateful that I have D Ikeda's books to read.
I am grateful for my mirror exercises.
I am grateful for Ma, Pa, Buro and all my companions in life.
I am grateful that I got offered the lead role in a movie. It was a confidence booster.
I am grateful for money.
I am grateful that this time tomorrow I shall be a confirmed non- smoker.
I am grateful for Alan Carr.
I am grateful that I met A in my life and I'm grateful for the small changes he brought about in me.
I am grateful for all my friends.
I am grateful for time.
I am grateful for my body, heart and mind.
I am grateful that Durga Puja is coming up.
5.22 pm
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