Things are churning in my life on various fronts and I'm hoping for the best. The wait has been rather long. And I must take rather good care of my mind.
I love Arun. He is always on my mind. I don't think I'll ever be able to let go of him. I really respect him and his sweet heart and I am utterly devoted to him.
I believe my prayers make a difference. I don't know how though. I pray for him and his family ardently each day and it gives me hope and a sense of relief.
Today I thought a lot about pride. Humility is such a thoroughly blazing virtue. May I always be humble and good and be respectful towards people just like Boddhisattva Never Disparaging.
I have disparaged enough.
My great vow also brings into life trying circumstances. The vow is so great and so big.
I know the next time I meet Arun he will talk to me and give me a piece of his mind. But I hope he doesn't hurt me with his words. And I really wish to not hurt him.
I do trust him. And also, I should forgive him his flaws and accept him just the way he is instead of being a doubting Thomas. After all all we really want is acceptance. Even I would love to be accepted by him just the way I am.
I don't know why he doesn't call these days. He's distanced himself so much. I must have really hurt him and I hope I can repair the damage.
Does Arun respect me? Does he view me as capable? I hope he does. It makes a huge difference the words you speak. Sticks and stones can break bones, but words, they can shatter the soul.
I hope my words have not shattered his soul.
I think I'll sit and chant a little more now and then prepare for tomorrow's meeting.
I wish Arun would just call so that I can go to sleep.
Ma and Pa have gone shopping and there is noone in the house.
May I be visited by the angels in my dreams tonight and sleep a deep peaceful sleep.
May all my loved ones sleep well tonight.
May we always find ourselves in favourable circumstances protected by the God's and deities.
May the protective powers of the Universe be further strengthened as I fortify my vow further in my life and give it a solid grounding.
May all those I have disparaged, including my family and Arun, forgive me from the core of their beings.
May I always love ardently.
Love,
Me.
I am grateful for everything.
8.51 pm
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