I didn't get a drop of sleep last night and even now I'm wide awake. It's the dopamine surge from seeing Arun's cute face last evening. He has never had a neutral effect on me even though that's probably what he wishes for.
I really love this man with all his flaws. It's only through loving him that I've realised what true love is. He's always going to be my greatest love and greatest adventure, romantic that I am.
I've been fine. Hope he's fine. The hiatus on communication between us has been long. And he was rather warm yesterday but from my dreams I know that there is unresolved conflict between us. May be that's why he doesn't call me.
But I wish he would. I'll patiently wait for him to call me some day whenever that is. I think I can give him that freedom. If he never calls me that will be my greatest loss.
I watched Tarot videos all day. YouTube and chatgpt are so time consuming.
I wonder where Arun's thoughts are. I picked a few Tarot cards and it showed that he's not particularly amiable towards me.
I wish I could have kissed him yesterday but that would have been crossing the line and impinging on his space. I really did want to kiss him.
I was so dishevelled! I wonder what impression I left on him.
Late that it is, it's only now that I start my rituals. So be it.
I hope Arun's life is fine and that he's in a happy frame of mind or that he gets there.
I love him. May be I shouldn't tell him that when we speak.
I am feeling:
Happy with a tinge of a hurt heart because Arun doesn't call me anymore.
Dry from the winter breeze.
Full of love.
Each day I think about Arun. Seeing him yesterday has stirred something in me. I'll never stop loving him.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
5.29 pm
Now I'll sit and chant for the first time in two days and pour in a lot of prayers for Arun and his family.
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