I am so happy that I have you to write in. You calibrate me. Starting writing in you has made me a much better humanbeing, so thank you so much.
Today I woke up a little after 7... I don't remember the time... After sleeping for just 5 hours. And yet, I feel so awake.
Arun is topmost on my mind.
I was on the yoga mat by 7.30. I've been taking my routine more easily but I'm committed to it.
Today the man in the building did not sing or may be I was late.
I'm wearing my chocolate brown cotton world top with denims.
Last evening Arun shared two scripts with me in three separate documents. I perused through the first document and it gripped me.
He is simply the most brilliant man I know. He's a beautiful humanbeing with a beautiful mind. And I shot him off a mail and a message. He will go so far. I hope he'll still have me in his life when he is at the summit.
Right now I'm confused. Should I finish reading his stories or should I finish my Tarot readings for my channel?
Yesterday I did Tarot readings for all Earth and Fire signs for my channel. Today I tackle water and air signs. I think I'll do the Tarot readings and finish reading his scripts in the evening.
Today I have a Tarot session with Sa So. He said he wants a one hour session. But why?
Well... I really miss Arun, really really do. I want to meet him but I won't broach that because may be he needs space or some time before he decides to meet me. I can always grant him his peace of mind. That's the least I can do since I can't tell him I still love him.
I have love boils on my forehead since I haven't got my oxytocin boost from anyone. Nobody kisses me. Not mom, not dad, not Arun.
Well... I could ramble on dear Journal because I simply love connecting with you. In one sentence I'll tell you how I'm feeling. I'm deeply in love.
I am feeling:
Happy
Surprisingly not anxious
So full of love I could drown in it
Aware that I have love boils breaking out on my forehead
A little upset with myself
Sweet
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
I am grateful that Arun shared his scripts with me. I am grateful for Arun's existence.
I am grateful for Ma, Pa and Chotto Bacha and all the people who make my life.
I am grateful that my heart is still open to Arun.
I am grateful for food, shelter and money.
I am grateful for my talents even though I highly underestimate myself, am self-critical and always feel I'm not good enough. I should do something about that.
I am grateful for my mind and my heart.
I am grateful for every little thing that makes me happy.
And I'm grateful for you dear journal.
And I'm grateful that Arun has sweet cheeks I can fantasise I'm kissing. I wonder if he's really so moved on...
I don't know what to think of when it comes to him. I can love him secretly and live my life.
Love,
Me.
11.27 pm
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