Journal 27.11.2025 11.56 am embracing myself

Dear Journal,

I'm learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings by myself. The discomfort of Pa's passive aggressive silence, Arun not meeting me and the heartache and heartbreak and the mourning of times gone by.

But I have just this moment to cease, nothing more. The not knowing what tomorrow may bring is anxiety-driving.

And also, things could have been far worse. I have a lot to be grateful for.

I show up each day on my yoga mat. I did today too. But today I truncated my practice as I was disturbed by messages from N. I don't know why she wants to meet me. There is simply nothing to talk about.

Also, I think A may have found someone else. He did say that he had options. I miss him terribly. But I guess this journey is mine and I have to make the most of it.

I woke up a little after 7.45 today after a dream.

In the dream I saw that See Dhi and her husband had both died on the same day, leaving Sanskar (who is autistic) all alone.

I saw Dee and Ashish too in the dream. Quite ably, Sanskar plans the funeral. But is finally sent to a Home, mostly by Ashish.

At the end of the dream there was complete silence. Sanskar just wasn't there.

Now, I'll sit and work and write, then pick Tarot cards. Consistency is everything. To forge ahead against all odds is everything.

Life will turn around, I know that. "WINTER ALWAYS TURNS TO SPRING." After the darkest night the brightest dawn.

I am wearing my light green chikankari kurta with my golden churidar.

I am feeling:

Calm

At peace

Loving

Filled with love

In need of a few kisses 

Determined to forge ahead

Reasonably happy even though I was teary earlier

Clean and bathed

Warm

I am grateful for yoga and the garden with its canopy where birds entertain me as I sit in silence.

I am grateful for the food I eat, the shelter I have and my possessions, including money.

I am grateful for Ma and Pa, for their presence and all the things they do for me.

I am grateful for good health.

I am grateful for books.

I am grateful for the people who visit my Tarot channel.

I am grateful for good health.

I am grateful that I write.

I am grateful for clothes and jewellery.

I am grateful for my bed and the sound sleep I experience each night.

I am grateful for the breakthrough that is coming.

I am grateful that I'm moving.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for the love in my life and my high life force.

Love,

Me.

12.14 pm