I don't think I'll ever get over Arun; he is unforgettable. His smell haunts me. His eyes mesmerise me. His skin feels so good. And I wish I could kiss him.
I'm not exactly obsessing over him but I don't think I'll ever stop loving him; that's a fact.
Am I hopeful? I don't know. But I'm not desperate and I'm being cautious and guarded because when it comes to him things are complicated... a lot of people's happiness is involved.
I won't be dating anyone new and I'm happy with myself. I just wish he was there here to give me the companionship I so cherish. That's the thing I miss the most and yes, his smell, the smell of his nose....
And of course, he's forgiven... I fell in love with his soul and I can allow him his mistakes. To err is human, to forgive divine.
Ever since I laid my eyes on him I've been thinking only about how deeply I love him.
Ours is an emotional bond of sharing and caring and you don't get that with everyone.
Does he value me? Does he respect me?
I wish I could take his hands in mine and kiss them.
I definitely don't want to hurt him. His heart is very important to me.
It's November 18th and I haven't chanted. Now I will.
Praying for others opens up your heart. And praying for Arun and his family and my family is my topmost priority.
This chilly weather makes me so drowsy. I slept till 2.30 pm today and I had a dream of Arun. I dreamt that I can't be with any other guy. Even the thought of that makes me feel like I'm cheating on Arun.
Thats how it feels. I wonder how he feels. He must have dated some other girl but i cant be with any other guy.
I wish it wasnt so cold. The cold calls for hot steaming momos.
I am feeling:
At peace
Happy
So full of love
With a slight glimmer of hope in my heart
Realising that despite getting a routine in place im still in love with Arun in a more realistic way.
Eager to end the day on a disciplined note.
I hope i dont sleep in the morning tomorrow.
Im so grateful that Arun called me yesterday. I hope he forgives me for all the mistakes I made.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
I am grateful for my life and all the people who are a part of it.
I am grateful for my heart and my prayers.
Love,
Me.
6.57 pm
Ps: But I can't ignore the fact that he hurt me. He insulted me in front of his friends, called me mad and rejected me after making out with me and said has many women running after him. What are his values really? Now sometimes I have many men running after me but that doesn't make me proud and I don't show it off. I'm hurt by him. I know he cheated on me.
10.41 pm... I don't know why I love him and why I'm being so sweet to him.
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