Guess what! On my way to See Dhi's house I bumped into Arun!! And he was wearing the grey corduroy shirt I'd bought him. Seeing him in that shirt made me so happy.
I was completely dishevelled-- pedicure not done, face not washed, hair not combed. He hugged me then I hugged him.
He asked me to call him but then I reminded him that he's supposed to call me. I hope he does call me. It will be sublime.
He smells like an angel, looks like an angel and feels supremely like an angel.
I spent many hours on chatgpt figuring things out with him after my meeting with See Dhi.
See Dhi is full of unsolicited advice. I don't really appreciate it. Not one advice is based on Buddhist concepts. She's veered from the basic meaning of Buddhism.
It also shows her struggles with Sanskar and her inner defeated strict parent archetype.
I tried to process her criticism and I think she is rather harsh on me. I don't really feel like meeting her. She is pessimistic, critical and scathing. I'm sure she means well but she comes across as shallow and ruminating and bitter. Am I being hypercritical?
Meeting Arun has brought in mixed feelings. On the one hand I was just about to completely release him but he is so familiar and so charming.
I messaged Pa Pa that i'm not interested in dating him. Then I told him that I don't appreciate so many calls from him everyday.
He took it very badly and said he'll never talk to me ever again. Well, I wish he'd taken it better but there was no easy way to convey this message to him. I just told him that I need space and that the calls get too much and that I really don't want to date him.
Indian men are so egoistic and chauvinistic! Arun was so easy to get along with compared to all these shallow Indian men I come across everyday. One kind word and an Indian man thinks that they stand a chance with you!
Where is the decency and the chivalry? Where is the open mindedness and the candour? And what is with the ladla beta attitude all these mollycoddled Indian men have? Indian men don't take disappointment very well... Arun was so not like the regular average Joe you meet in India... they want women only to please them with no sense of sacrifice from their side.
Anyway I'm not getting a drop of sleep tonight. I don't know why. Even if I switch off the lights and lie down with eyes shut I don't think I'll get sleep.
Under such circumstances I think I'll chant and then switch off the lights.
Hope Arun is doing well. He looked happy and healthy and suave. It was amazing seeing his face!!!! A big muwaah to him!
I am feeling:
Feet dry
Heart heavy
Hurt by Pa Pa's reaction
Not sad but not totally happy
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing well at moving on from Arun and sometimes I feel a deep longing from him.
Today I didn't get any work done. Tomorrow will be a better day!
Love,
Me.
I am grateful for all the Grace that is showered on me.
2.16 am
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