First Rachana passed away. Now the Chinese parlour has shut down. Having said that my feet are a mess after the nail surgery recommended by Dr Shinde. So Shonama is treating me to an evening in the parlour for a pedicure and my first facial.
It's Mother's Day today but everyday is Mother's Day. I've kind of decided to just not smoke cigarettes tomorrow in office and to go on a negative emotion detox, which means no getting angry, no irritability, no screaming and shouting, and no bitching.
Yesterday I had a blind date. The guy was alright and I of course wore my clobby new specs. No message or call is forthcoming. I didn't let him kiss me. I can't kiss a stranger. At least not one I'm not physically attracted to.
Of course in my lifetime so far I've kissed a few strangers. Th was a stranger to me. Ro was a stranger to me. I even went around with Ro for a year. Incidentally, he got married and his wife passed away a few years after the wedding.
I intend to be smoke free, eat wholesome home food and not spend too much money. In 2025 I hope to possess a home of my own.
Today I bought 500 rupees worth of anti-ageing creams after selfies I clicked this morning showed dark circles and wrinkles under my eyes. No smoking.
I've been known to indulge in erratic behaviour. I've been known to insult after a bout of hallucinations. Does that define who I am?
The most difficult thing is to forgive yourself. I've prayed consistently and forgiven my childhood abuser. Forgiveness is very powerful. The most difficult thing is to accept the self absolutely and to love yourself. Louise Hay pleads us to say "I love you" to ourselves in the mirror each day. May be I should start doing that. Self esteem can be sensed.
At this point in time I'm getting a pedicure. Self love and Self care is the beginning of love and care. You can't love others unless you love yourself.
If I really analyse myself I think I'm a pretty mess. Once upon a time I thought no end of myself, oweing to the fact that I appeared beautiful and intelligent (the beauty with brains combo).
I've just dipped my feet in hot water. It's so soothing and comfortable.
Today an astrologer who I chatted with on Linkedin has said he will talk to me with no charge. Looking forward to it.
I hope to meet some nice people in my life. Not the Shank kind. Some cool, educated people my life could do with.
AK Mah seems like a nice guy. Don't feel like dating him but he's a Shareef insaan. A good person. So is Ni Pan. A good human being. Why am I not attracted to the good boys.
I probably have very high expectations from my to-be life partner. I can't really lower my expectations. Can I?
If I stop smoking, eat healthy and exercise most of my problems will vanish.
My pedicure seems to be done so I'll stop Journaling.
Love,
Me.
I am grateful for this pedicure.
I'm grateful for my inward and outward beauty.
I am grateful for my brains.
I am grateful for my life.
I am grateful for my job.
I am grateful for music.
I am grateful for cinema.
I am grateful for literature.
I am grateful for friends.
I'm grateful for love.
I am grateful for all my experiences.
I love, I live, I laugh, I Victor, I conquer, I succeed, I'm a raging hit with the world.
Thank you.
6.24 pm.
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