Dear Journal,
I think I may be slightly in grief.
I threw all my specs, my lenses, paintings, photographs from the house, based on no adequate reason but delusions. I feel really sorry.
I feel like becoming part of a group that shares stories -- a kind of Schizophrenia Warriors group.
Currently, I'm absolutely fine. Spoke to some pretty rude guys on dating apps --- three of them in one week.
My Í Am Fine' phases are quite telling. There seems to be no trace of having lived through hallucinations.
My eyes are hurting. I hope Titan has given me the right number.
Life is truly wonderful. Life is a blessing.
I feel much better having left SGI. In an organized format there is no room to break the rules or bend the normal structure of thinking. In SGI it seems everybody parrots the same (ditto same) language.
I would feel better without any dating app and just focusing on work.
My mother is so beautiful.
There is a stark trace of shame in me these days,
May be there is nothing to be ashamed of. There are plenty with similar tales. Schizophrenia affects 1 in 100 people. Many go through far worse.
Why me? That does play at the back of my mind.
I'm sure the road ahead is not long till I reach my goal.
My goals
To buy a huge palatial home where people are welcome.
To be known as a good friend, daughter, sister, wife.
To be wealthy as f*
To have at least 100 bestseller novels to my credit.
To win at least 1 Oscar for acting.
To write at least 100 superhit film scripts/plays.
To be happy.
To be in the pink of health for the rest of my life.
To quit smoking.
To be known as a kind, wise, brave and respectful and respectable.
To be the world's best poet.
To be a virtuous person.
To be known as a successful person.
To live in gratitude and joy.
To heal.
Love,
Me.
I am grateful for all beings in my life.
I am grateful for all my experiences.
I am grateful for love.
I am grateful for life.
I am grateful for my good health.
5.38 pm
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