Insults, admonishments and heartbreak aside I don't need to expect from the people what they can't give me.
If my parents can't encourage me, or don't quite see me as I do or if Arun doesn't want to love me back it's a huge loss but at least there is peace and some respect.
What if even that was missing? I'd be sadder still.
Today I didn't go for rehearsals and I didn't attend the Gosho meeting because I was trying to process my sadness in solitude.
The biggest thing with healing wounds is truth, that's the greatest medicine, and then self-love and forgiveness and love for the life in front of you.
I won't call or message Arun and of course I won't ask to meet him, not really out of ego but out of space. Let him be happy and live his life.
I think I love too deeply. And did I love the wrong person too deeply? What if he wasn't even talking to me? I'd be in shambles.
I am feeling:
Sad
Loving
Respectful
Feeling that I need these times of solitude more than others
Awake
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
11.42 pm
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