I've been analysing the problems of expectations in my mind for quite a long time. Holding expectations from others or from situations can lead to life's greatest disappointments.
Because free will exists, yours and the others, and people generally feel burdened by expectations.
They complicate relationships, they bring suffering in life and disappointment and disillusion.
Sometimes you are just wrong. In getting angry, in being dismissive, in neglecting yourself, in being lazy and how would it be to unburden yourself from expectations, it would lead to true freedom, true joy. But is that even possible?
Whoever knows has told me that I'm wrong in loving Arun. Sometimes you are just wrong, others see it but you don't. But the delight he brings me is not fleeting, it is soul level, it is a joy no human being has ever brought me; gazing at his eyes, whiffing him is true love.
And with love come challenges, and of course, that dreaded word: expectations, that ruin of all good things in relationships and friendships.
I am wrong in being lazy and not taking actions towards my goals. I haven't given up and yet I feel somewhere within me I probably have because I'm broken and shattered due to faults of my own and I need tending and loving more than anything else.
But coward is the man who complains his feet are hurting and doesn't walk the path and there's bravery and victory only in the hero who fights until the final bout even though he is tired, leading him to the praise and adulations of all! I must not be a coward, I must be brave! I must not complain, I must love and praise! I am not the complaining man whose feet are hurt and calloused, and mine are literally. I am, in fact, the Hercules of my very own life and very own making, fighting until the very end and beyond forever with love for life, praising life and all its emanations!
And of course, it is wrong to hate. This journal is my very own venting machine and complaints box but sometimes I think I fail to see the good in life and situations and I must be far more grateful. It is wrong, just wrong to hate; It hurts everybody and eats up your soul!
So if I have any expectations today it is only that I love, life and everybody, my work and my relationships and friendships, and that I don't give up ever walking on the victory path with love and a great reverence for life!
And I vow to never ever give up in the realm of work no matter what and pour into it all my love and good intentions. And I vow to nurture all my relationships, treat my parents with respect, my brother with love and understanding and Arun with deep care and love. I vow to care and I vow to become!
Even though things are not quite working out right now I won't retreat, I'll forever advance to victory!
So the only expectation I keep is from myself and that is love, to love and be love and do love because there is really no other way to do and achieve all that I want. I only have love and with that comes everything....
I am so so so grateful to have received Arun's messages today... it made my day!
Love,
Me.
12.29 pm
No comments:
Post a Comment