I woke up to Ma and Pa fighting vehemently over avocado. Ma can be really disrespectful and her rage is synonymous with her.
It's not what you are that defines you, it is what you do, in how you treat people that your worth is defined.
I must not judge her but living with her has not been easy, for anybody.
I was wrong in loving Arun. I loved him even though I saw him disrespect and discriminate against people. And then that disrespect was turned towards me. I know he disrespects me in his mind. However, both he and Ma though scathing and cruel towards the people in their lives to attain pleasures are very sweet, very very sweet.
It's not just one aspect of who you are, a human being is a blend of qualities and desires.
Yesterday my dream from a few nights came true. I realised as I was meditating that even though I didn't want it, even though that wasn't the aim I have very few desires in me and I was so surprised to realise this. How did this happen? I who thought I would never deny myself the attainment of my desires....
Just looking inward and freeing myself I've become that person... not everyone will agree with me, and they may leave me alone or dissociate like many have but my voice is and will be heard, I just know that, and I know that it will be appreciated deeply and loved because I come for a place of Truth.
I have no desire to prove myself to anyone anymore and how exactly did this happen?
I'm so flummoxed... I just looked inward and blessed everyone repeatedly... and I'm free... this is my greatest victory.
And the journey continues, the way ahead is long, very long with many people to meet and I welcome them into my world and I'll continue to bless everyone no matter what.
Freedom is possible. Emancipation of the soul is possible. Who knew?
Life has a funny way of surprising me.
Today I will write. Then I have rehearsals. And may times at home be more pleasant than they have been.
Love,
Me.
8.05 am
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