In one of his earlier sutras Shakyamuni Buddha says, "A woman's destiny is dependent first on how her father keeps her and then her husband. She is as good as her father and then her husband."
At first when I read this I thought it was quite regressive. Of course, then I was a busy bustling journalist and I thought I did not need a man to complete me.
I haven't had a husband but these past over 39 years living with my father has caused me to look deeper into the Buddha's words.
Men have a sort of iron will; even the gentlest of men has a force of will that the mutable empathetic woman does without.
My father, along with A, is one of the kindest men I know. His tenacity, his tolerance and his love are as vast as the oceans themselves.
Till today, apart from a few things (like not letting me study at Stephen's or not letting me drive, both things that hit me hard) my father has provided me with every kind of luxury and comfort a man can accord his daughter (He dotes on me and spoils me to this day) and unlike other Indian men has allowed me freedoms and the independence to chart my destiny.
Even when it came to dating A, he did not cage me and let me be. In fact, he has never ever caged me. He is one of the most understanding men I know and one of the gentlest and loveliest. He is a woman's man.
Against odds, his loyalty to Ma and his utmost respect for all of us has made me respect him like I have no other man. His only expectation from me is that I will be a strong independent woman, who will pave her own path in life.
Today after years of reading these words by Shakyamuni I think I am as good as my father.
Of course, all my father has given me is serenity and bliss in the things he has provided for me and the circumstances he has kept me in.
In another sutra the Buddha says, "Bliss is a state one should achieve but too much bliss can be detrimental. A state of bliss makes one unmoving and stops one from taking action."
Sometimes I wonder if I'm too happy or too blissful with everything provided for with no expectations of me. Need I say more?
Then in another sutra Gautam Buddha says, "A woman's mind is the most difficult to understand; it changes faster than the wind."
This statement also I rebelled against. Yes, men are far more logical I understand today.
This statement by the Buddha also led me to surmise that must not have Shakyamuni left for the jungles because of marital disharmony? It's an assumption. And I don't know for sure but it seems like a logical assumption to make.
Then in his penultimate sutra, the Lotus Sutra, Gautam Buddha says, "Women have the seed of Buddhahood in them." And in that sutra he says that some time in the Latter Day of the Law (which is present times) he would be born as a woman and attain Buddhahood because of his karma, but he would suffer in every way that he had made his wife Yashodhara suffer in his life as Shakyamuni. He blesses Yashodhara in this sutra and says that she would live as Buddha Gladly Seen By All Living Beings in the Latter Day and she would attain Buddhahood and be someone of unparalleled physical allure.
I love the Lotus Sutra because it is so current. Although it may seem fantastical the Buddha blesses every kind of living being with predictions for their Buddhahood in the Latter Day. It is in this sutra that the Buddha says, "Earthly desires are enlightenment," and "The sufferings of birth and death are Nirvana." And then he predicts his death in that life in the next three months.
Knowing men as I know them, Arun must have logical reasons that I can keep assuming for not talking to me. I still love him and he is always on my mind. If that's not love what is.
I always thought when I was a small girl that I would be the kind of girl who would marry young. But I didn't. The reasons are plenty and too extant to cite right now.
Being a woman is a blessing. But yes, today I have changed my mind. A woman does need a man to love. A companion, a spouse adds the flavour to life.
I think life will turn out just fine. I can't see the future and neither can I depend on any astrologer. I do have my Tarot cards but I'm a little hesitant to depend on them.
It's a blessing indeed to be endowed with womanhood and Buddhahood and the hood of hair on my head.
Today I went to meet Dr Rao. I've become more accepting of him.
This positivity principle that I'm adhering to is saving me a lot of trouble.
To womanhood! To the woman I am and to all the blessed beautiful women I know this Journal entry is a dedication.
I am feeling:
Emotional
Happy
Blissful
Full of love
Loving
Loved
Sweet
Relaxed
Eyes on the future
Carefree
Caring
Grateful
Healthy
Victorious
I am grateful that I messaged A today. Life is too short to not express love. I am grateful that Matt again showed me his true colours and I blocked him. I am grateful for my support system. I am grateful for my life with all its experiences and all the people who grace it. I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings in my life. I am grateful that I spoke to Buntydidi today-- she is one phenomenal woman I know. I am grateful for my wonderful parents. I am grateful that I forgive.
Love,
Me.
9.19 pm
Ps: I'm also feeling slightly pained and hurt by Arun's rejection of me.
9.28 pm
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