V Ozar just messaged that he is at Seven Bungalows with a friend and asked if I'd care to join them at Bottles. I told him I have very low blood pressure and I want rest. I also didn't want to bump into Arun there.
I had a Tarot client today, some very pious spiritual Jain guy. Well, he spoke a lot.
I've been feeling sometimes happy, sometimes sad and I guess it's the hormones and this period.
In other news, an event management team has approached me as a Tarot reader for an event at the Trident. I'm really looking forward to this.
I thought that instead of feeling morose and gloomy about all the ways Arun has been spurning me let me remind myself of all the wonderful times we've spent together and all the love he has showered on me.
I really wish I can make him feel good when we talk next.
It's about taking responsibility for one's karma. We each create the circumstances that we find ourselves in so it's about sowing good seeds and reaping the fruits. But it's so difficult to break away from the shackles of our karma because we each possess our negative tendencies and innate darkness, which Shakyamuni calls fundamental darkness, Jung calls the Shadow and the Bible says is original sin.
If we can recognise our fundamental darkness and attempt to change ourselves from there, then we will be happy and enlightened, says Shakyamuni.
Arun does have a tendency to be brash and rude when he's hurt. But all in all isn't he my sweetest heart?
Even I tend to speak crapshit when I'm hormonally challenged and I tend to be rude. I must change that. I must have so hurt him.
I love him so very ardently and deeply. My cutest human being he is.
Deep down I wish for him to accept my love again. I really honour his being and respect him and I'll always find him most handsome and cute.
Sometimes I wonder how his days are going and why he told me that there's nothing for him to tell me. So much must have happened in his life.
Well, I think I've been focusing on the negatives and being pessimistic. A healthy dose of optimism with a pinch of courage and a dash of love shall be applied, seasoned with hope.
And I've just been lying in bed since yesterday.
My periods are making me feel so crappy and sordid.
Neither have I done yoga nor have I prayed since yesterday. This just won't do. I must buckle up.
I am feeling:
Very crappy and slightly gloomy and morose
I'm really missing Arun today
Tired
Low
A bit happy (in the sense that I'm not depressed)
Hurt
Pained
Eager to sit and chant and write something in my notebook
Dirty, feel like taking a bath
I hope to make the best of my evening.
After all a step in the right direction defines the entire journey. So just small baby steps for now.
I am grateful for all that life is.
Love,
Me.
6.30 pm
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