I just finished my article. Keeping my fingers crossed on its reception.
I often reel under how difficult it is to live with Ma.
My earliest memories of Ma are her being aggressive and working hard and tiring herself out. Growing up Ma and C Mashi have both been rather hard on me with criticisms that continue to this day.
Ma has been a supermom, who wanted exemplary children, contributing to her unfulfilled dreams.
When we were small I remember her praising us to no end in front of outsiders, something that caused me a lot of irritation.
Ma has always been one to criticise easily, judge swiftly and float deep into her dream world in a matter of moments.
She is aggressive, self-involved, highly intelligent and extremely hardworking.
She has never been one to shy away from gossip. She makes excuses easily for her failings. Something which even A did a lot causing me to feel that he is like Ma. And Ma feels that she is always right even when she is clearly wrong.
A strongheaded personality, she has started indulging herself.
I am so lucky that she is so youthful even at this age.
Pa has a backward slanting handwriting which depicts that he doesn't share his emotions easily and is guarded emotionally. And that is how he is.
He sets high standards for himself and is easily disappointed.
He is good natured, kind, fearful and fearless at the same time, accepting, friendly and genial and a pleasure to spend time with. I wish he would indulge himself the way Ma does but he doesn't buy a thing for himself.
Both my parents are highly educated and exceptionally well-read.
I on the other hand smoke far too much. And am subject to stresses.
Tomorrow I plan to run and write. I also have to call up Yoga Institute.
I can't waste time. Time is precious. A year from now I am sure my novel will be published by a good traditional publisher.
Now I'll sit and read.
S Kum called and spoke some garble involving his reputation. A Alam also called but I was busy. So I didn't meet him.
Pa is watching the India-Bangladesh match with whiskey.
I am feeling:
Pained
Enthusiastic
Driven
Motivated
Hopeful
Eager
Supported
Dreamy
Literary
Happy
Loved
Loving
I am grateful for all the people who grace my life across the three existences and for all of life's experiences and blessings.
Love,
Me.
10.43 pm
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