I've been feeling positively nauseous for the past few days. After puking last night I took myself off to Dr Shinde's this morning. He isn't sitting at his clinic in the evenings so the wait was long as there were many people to see him. I poured myself into Richard Causton in the mean time.
The doctor said that I have a mild acidity problem. I discussed with him my feelings of guilt and my career. It's always nice to talk to Dr Shinde. He told me to focus on my writing. Everyone from Na Bho to Ga Sha has been telling me that. In fact, once someone reads anything I've written they tell me to focus on writing. Even Nidhi says that the little she has read of what I've written she feels that I'm a really gifted writer.
As I was walking back, all unkempt and baked in the sun, I checked the number of a car coming towards me. I realised that it's Arun's car. I saw him sitting in his car with a cigarette, all happy and serene. He must have seen me too but avoided eye contact.
It was in that moment that I absolutely realised that he has definitely moved on.
And as I proceeded homeward, I resolved to move on too.
Yesterday, after a very successful meeting in the morning, Ga Sha came home. We talked about so many things in the six hours that we spent together. We had tons of coffee, tea and polished off a whole bottle of wine together, munching snacks. I sauted some American corn for him to relish. He is such a nice person. I would really love to be friends with him.
I read him my play and he was super excited. Interesting chap he is.
He was also very respectful towards Ma.
I came home at 8.30 after taking him to Kis Kon. I had a Tarot session with someone at night. And that went off well too.
Really, Dr Shinde is right I don't need to beat myself down. I have lots of things to be grateful for. And I know, in fact I'm absolutely sure that life will turn out absolutely fine.
It's always fun to meet theatre friends. I really look forward to working with Ga Sha in the realm of theatre.
After sighting A today after months of not having seen his face, and seeing how happy and peaceful he looked, I have never been more confronted wholly with the smallness of me. In the larger scheme of things I'm a human who is trying to make a difference in small ways. I will make a change. In fact, I am the change.
Life is good and I feel good.
Yesterday Ga Sha said that despite everything I'm not in a vaccum and that's a great blessing. I am not. I was also so surprised to know that he practises Buddhism. We didn't really discuss Buddhism though. Our entire conversation was centred on theatre and I'm super excited to have met him.
I am feeling:
Whole
Full of love
Immensely grateful
Futureward-bound
Happy
A little unwell but this shall pass
Sweet
Plain
Eager to implement all the things I'm learning
Confused whether I should finish Richard Causton after lunch or write. Will do both.
I am grateful for my wonderful life.
I am grateful that I met Ga Sha.
I am grateful for my good health.
I am grateful for my lovely loving family.
I am grateful that I'm working.
I am grateful that I got a glimpse of A today. It's really time to pack my bags and take off.
I am grateful for the food I eat.
I am grateful for the money I have.
I am grateful for my blessed home and my room.
I am grateful for all the opportunities I have across the three existences.
I am really feeling good.
Love,
Me.
1.40 pm
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