The days have just been whooshing past. Yesterday was a super busy day. I also finished reading THOTLS yesterday. I love studying Buddhism. It's something I understand easily.
I had three cups of coffee at Trident yesterday and I was so awake till 4 am. I woke up at 10 am all groggy, had a bath and left for a haircut. I wasn't in a particularly good mood when I woke up. I've been having lots of Tarot dreams that I can't decipher.
Then I came home, spent time with Pa and ate lunch with him. I'm not very happy with my haircut.
Then this Mah Mat kept messaging about his shoot. He's been messaging me for a month about a shoot in the end of November. Finally, I was a little concerned so I expressed my desire to have a decent, zero sleaze shoot. I don't know if he minded or not but he's been silent.
Somewhere in the middle I had a longish conversation with Tillu. She was very helpful with her advice but talking to her I realised that sometimes you say something and it gets completely misconstrued and lost in translation. I apologised to her if I ever hurt her. She's an angel and I love her. I really value our friendship.
Arun, of course, is always ALWAYS on my mind. Sometimes at the front and sometimes at the back, but I never stop thinking about him. I wish I could tell him what a good person I think he is, such a sweet lovely, sweetest in fact, human being. I miss kissing his nose.
I think I sabotaged our relationship with my insecurities. And I've been thinking that I must surmount my insecurities and resolve them. I can't live a life in doubt. I have so much to be grateful for.
I also know Arun broke up with me for my weaknesses like my delusions sometimes. That makes me sad and eager to change. It's difficult to communicate our true feelings and our real thoughts and our perceptions absolutely and truly.
I messaged him and well, I knew he wouldn't reply.
I really regret our break up.
I've had a lot of things on my mind. Well I'm not clear about them to expound them here. I can't be impetuous anymore.
I have this one beautiful life and I must make the most of it. Firstly, by being present and appreciating each moment. And of course by spreading warmth everywhere.
I have to meet See Dhir and Debo in some time now and I have to prepare for that meeting. I'll wear something nice so that I feel good. I wonder how Arun's days are going? He must be happy. I'm sure he's having fun. It's a Saturday and he must be out and about.
I also have to finish the work for YI.
I am feeling:
Happy
A little worried about my health
Love
Loved
Accepted
Pretty (as a person)
Grateful
Present
Looking forward to the evening
Sweet
Feel like getting a pedicure
We develop in aspects of our lives we are fearful about and we face obstacles in aspects of our lives we are proud of. It's a Truth I've come to realise after studying Jung, which makes me value humility and creates a desire in me to always be humble. May I always be humble.
I am grateful for Arun's presence in my life.
I am grateful for all the food I eat.
I'm grateful for my sweet Ma and Pa.
I am grateful for my Chotto, Sadhya, Melon and Kit Kat.
I am grateful for the family I belong to.
I am grateful for my beautiful home.
I am grateful for my good mood.
I am grateful for the chocolates I ate today.
I am grateful for friendships and relationships.
I am grateful for Tilotamma. I really value her as a person and I really value our friendship.
I am grateful for all the work I do.
I am grateful for opportunities.
I am grateful for my beautiful mind.
I am grateful for this beautiful wonderful life and all the people who grace it.
I am grateful for my clothes.
I am grateful for this beautiful evening that is unfolding before me.
I am grateful for my body and soul.
In other news Ma is so happy and being so sweet to me.
Love,
Me.
5.46 pm
This is a good day in this wonderful life.
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