Today I woke up from a dream of Arun and I waiting for something. In the dream I wanted him to buy something for himself while he waited but he refused.
When I woke up I realised that A was wearing a green shirt in the dream, a colour he is loathe to wear.
In the past few days I had the feeling that I was ready to move on. Actually, totally.
But today I feel all the emotions surging again. He is one person I will always love. He is extremely special to me with all his flaws. I absolutely adore him.
I realised today that after I asked him for money he never met me. That must have made him feel really bad.
I've been waiting for a windfall to begin paying him back. But today I realised that I should pay him a nominal amount each month for a year. Thats more doable. I hope he doesn't refuse.
I have started reading a book by E Wang that is a complete eye-opener. Also R Causton is being read.
I've finished all my morning tasks. It's so good to be able to do Yoga everyday. I must do it for longer and I will.
Now I'll chant for about 20 minutes, then get onto FT and simultaneously work on the sailing article.
I have to meet De and See Dh today and I have to study for that too.
It's going to be a wonderful day.
I am feeling:
Eager to begin paying A
Happy
Full of love
Looking forward to the day
Hopeful
Sweet
Yesterday I pulled out some clothes from the ones we were throwing. I'm feeling good.
I am grateful for the presence of all my loved ones in my life. I am grateful for this blessed life with all its experiences and the infinite love and happiness I experience each day. I am grateful for all the food I eat.
Love,
Me.
9.45 am
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