Journal 17.10.2024 7.28 pm small and big victories

Dear Journal,

Life is going to open up in a gazillion different ways. I know it.

I don't write about him that much but Arun is always on my mind. It's not over for me. It'll never be over.

I don't know what the deal is, he hasn't been clear, but whatever it is I wish him the maximum happiness a person can get.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow's event. I won't be able to smoke for about five hours. I'll prepare tomorrow for the event.

I'm confused about what to wear.

My heart is a little bit hurt and pained.

And I know not what the future holds.

I did pick cards of course and the cards never lie. I keep picking the Lovers these days and the Queen of Cups and the King of Cups so there is definitely love on the cards. Somebody really loves me.

I've also been studying the Tarot deck online. It's so much fun.

I am feeling:

Solemn

A little heavy hearted

Lovely

Sweet

Need a little fun in life

Happy

Beautiful (as a person)

Dignified

Today I wore the cwc dress that Arun had chosen for me, the off white ruck linen one, that I have only ever worn when out with him.

Just wearing the dress worked its magic and I felt happy. I'll always love and honour this man. May be he really is unable to be with me.

I hope his offer of friendship still stands and that he did not see my despairful messages last night.

I'll keep him in my prayers forever.

May he and his family surmount all obstacles and attain happiness.

I am grateful for harmony.

I am grateful for love.

I am grateful for the inflow of money.

I am grateful for the food I eat.

I am grateful for my home.

I am grateful for my family.

I am grateful for the little trials in life. They help me grow into a beautiful happy person.

I am grateful for my support system.

I am grateful for my sacred body.

I am grateful for my beautiful mind.

I am grateful that this day went off well.

I am grateful for the good night's sleep and beautiful dreams I will experience tonight.

I am grateful for beautiful friendships.

I am grateful for all the small and great victories my life is made up of.

Love,

Me.

7.46 pm

Ps: I wish I could just get my mind to not focus on Arun and to focus on life and all its beautiful aspects. I'm sure I'll be fine. I know I'll be fine and the happiest. I know Arun will be fine too and the happiest he can be.

8.01 pm