I had a pretty rough day.
I woke up in the morning where I saw myself looking like PZore. I felt alone in my dream. And that is how Im feeling now.
I started prepping for Madhavs class on Pa's laptop 20 minutes before the class eas set to start. Yet Pa's laptop and my phone didnt support me through the class. I apologised to Madhav and rounded up the class.
Then I got ready to go to Kandivali.
Somehow I pulled through. I dont think the students are completely satisfied with me. And that hurt me a lot.
Right from the 3 pm class I felt high-strung and anxious.
I carried this feeling back home. As we were in the car I tried explaining what Im going through to Ma and Pa but they were silent. I even spent some time with Twi.
Ma suggested in the car that we go to a restaurant instead of going to Kallol. So we went there. We waited for about half an hour for a table. I had a puchka.
When we got the table both Ma and Pa announced that they wont be eating anything. So we got out of the resteaurant. In the car Ma kept fighting with me. So I got out of the car, took a rickshaw and came home.
I really dont feel like going to Goa with Ma picking a fight with me for every small thing.
I feel so lonely and so alone just the way I saw in my dream. I wish I had somebody to talk to, someone to call my own.
1. Something I accomplished.
Class! Family politics... due to feeling anxious for the most part of the evening I dont think I performed very well.
2. Something I handled well.
Class! I want my laptop back soon.
3. Something I appreciated.
My students. Metamorph. My family.
4. Something I did for my future self.
Nothing.
I am feeling:
Very slightly anxious at the moment.
A little angsty.
Solemn.
Loving.
Missing Arun.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life.
Love,
Me.
11.39 pm
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