The university of hard knocks may get over. I'm earnestly wishing that it does. I'll graduate and come out a fine human being. Life has made me so humble. My practice of Buddhism has made me so mellow. And my heart fills up with love for all beings so often! What has happened to me?
I realised this in 2018 when I went to study publishing that somehow there has been a fundamental shift in my being practising Buddhism and I have a feeling, a very strong feeling, that this impasse that has been created in my life since then won't last forever. In fact, it's coming to an end.
I also thought deeply about Arun today. I think it's the acceptance of the fact that he is a married man that is helping me cope and live my life. I'm the last girl to ever break up a healthy home. I hope Arun is fine. I know that I'll always love him and always deeply respect him. And I hope he finds himself in beneficial circumstances always.
I'll always have his back. He's extremely special for me.
Today I woke up a little late. Pa had left for Hyderabad by then. I felt a little alone in this big empty house. I got a few Tarot clients.
Then P the fakir called me and said if I'd like we could meet. So I wore my shoes, picked up my bag and went to the park.
We spent two hours with each other, ending the meeting with a cigarette and a cuppa each.
He said that whatever difficulty I had to face I have faced. He said life has taught me what difficulty is and the future is really bright for me but I have to work really hard and I should.
He said that I should definitely get married because my married life will be very good.
He asked me to beware of false friends.
He said even in the film industry opportunities will arise for me but I'll have to make an effort and work really hard.
Then he said I have a very beautiful soul and he said that I'm on this path of kindness and I'm kind of stuck there. I need to get unstuck and actively pursue opportunities.
Now these are all very sane things to say from a well-meaning person. He didn't say anything illogical. In fact, it was a relief talking to him. He has a good energy about him.
I read his palm.
Two three times he told me that I'm an extremely good person.
We talked about his work, his guru, his sufi practice and I was very honest with him.
He said that I'm someone who has tasted success and will taste success in the future but I should never stop working hard. He said life is difficult for me right now because of myself, I have created these circumstances and stopped myself from growing in my career. He said if I'd continued as a journalist I would have been at the pinnacle of success today and then we wouldn't meet.
He said: "You've stopped your career the way it was because you were supposed to meet people, make new friends."
Whew! What a relief.
I applied to two production houses today. I got a reply from one. Really keeping my fingers crossed.
Then I bought vada pav for everybody and set off for Bu's house. I had a vada pav and thums up there and A Alam called.
I went to another park to meet him. I walked around with him, then we sat on his bike, roaming around Seven Bungalows and I realised yes, I wouldn't meet him, Arun or many other people if not for my leaving journalism. I wouldn't really understand life. Life has not been wasted. I know what are the roadblocks that can arise in life and I'm coming out of this difficult phase a finer human being.
Ga Mo completely forgot about our meeting. But it's alright. She said she's unwell and had fallen asleep.
I won't be able to go for the Dpm on Wednesday because I have to meet S K the Nsd guy.
But more importantly, the Vipassana centre in Belapur has invited me to join them on Feb 19th. Woo-hoo! This is going to be a life-changing experience for me. I am so excited! It'll be tough I know but accepted on the first try? I'm so damn lucky!
Ten days of intense Buddhist meditation is going to really help me know myself. I'm really very happy.
Today after meeting P the Fakir I'm feeling good. But I don't think I'll convert to his path.
My Buddhist practice is so important to me that I could never leave it.
I'm feeling happy today for some reason. I do feel happy generally but today after quite a long time I'm feeling hopeful. Even my Tarot cards are good.
I am grateful that I patched up with Buro today and I'm really looking forward to his birthday.
I hope Na wins that Oscar. His film is on Netflix. Will watch it soon.
Now to wind up early so that I wake up early tomorrow for yoga.
Sending lots of love Arun's way and my good wishes for his bright and happy future.
Love,
Me.
9.03 pm
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