In the morning (I remember fragmentedly) I had a dream that Pa was sitting in a line of people and talking to me. I had a similar dream with Arun a few nights ago.
Today I realised that I've kind of learnt to live with myself.
I miss my Emerald ring that fell off the last time I met Arun. I wore that ring for so many years. Hopefully the person who finds it and sells it will make good use of the money.
I spent the day working with very few Tarot clients.
I spent my time researching on Vipassana. I'm really looking forward to it. Ma said she's worried about my smoking when she came back. Then I told her she's just gabbing and she said that I use foul language. Arrgh! Why is Ma so trying?
In the afternoon that P guy called. I frankly don't feel good about the intentions his breed of people bring onto the table. He wanted to meet me and I told him I'm very busy and am normally very busy so may be I won't be able to meet him anytime soon.
I want to kind of stay away from him. If I told A that I'd met someone like him he would definitely scoff. I wonder how he is. He should be fine.
I just got off a call with S Kum. He's alright.
I hope for progress on the work front.
I researched a little on chakras today in yoga journals online since I've started practising the chakra exercises Bunty had taught me.
For years I've realised that my root chakra is underactive. I feel it even when I do my yoga asanas. It's all related to past trauma. I have to shed all the baggage.
That day when I met De Jh he told me that I'm so light, I have such little baggage. Now now! I told him I've become lighter as time has passed.
Frankly, the past doesn't haunt me anymore. Firstly, with my practice of forgiveness I have been able to resolve issues. The most difficult is to forgive yourself. But reason does it.
Secondly, now that I actively Metta pray these days I find myself more serene and at peace with myself. When there are conflicts I find that I bounce back to tranquility and happiness much faster.
James Allen says that nothing can be achieved unless a serene mind is accomplished. As time goes on I'll be the more wiser.
I wish I hadn't shed the bucket full of tears the last time I met Arun. It must have upset him.
Life is really so simple. There are no complications. I just wish I spoke to Arun more often but then you don't get everything that you want. I'm just grateful that there's the little communication we have.
These days I'm not so worried about him. My heart tells me he is doing well. I'll always love him. But this great distance has been created between us. And whenever that makes me sorrowful I remind myself that he is married.
This day has been one of much soul searching and hope seeking.
I know that whatever life gives me will be good for me. Despite my challenges God has never been unkind to me and I'm so grateful for that!
I hope my Pa is happy. I called him yesterday and his voice choked as he was missing his best friend Petkar uncle. Even I feel sad that Petkar uncle is no more.
I hope my Arun is doing very well. How our friendship develops only time will tell. I can only pour my prayers into his life today.
I hope to achieve mental and financial strength this year and an unshakeable happiness.
I hope I can give to the people in my life far more than they have given me.
I am feeling:
Introspective
Calm and peaceful
Strong and unshakeable
Happy
Serene
Full of compassion
Love,
Me.
7.07 pm
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